I have to get this out somewhere.. or I am going to be sick from crying..

I have a bad problem... I am a not so pretty person. I don't have a perfect 10 body and for 35 years old am having a acne problem .... I am assuming it is from baking.. because I cleanse reg. AND I don't drink soft drinks or eat much chocolate at all....

But... I am ridiculed A LOT about my looks.. always have been.. In school I was made fun of for being overweight... Then I would lose the weight but not the ugly. I am really hoping that God is just playing a joke and one day I will wake up beautiful. I feel I am a disgrace to my family. Almost all of them are very pretty .. skinny... beautiful skin, hair etc. Not me. I often wonder why my DH is with me... he is beautiful as well ...

I was at a friend of the family's not to long ago with my DH and our family and the husband's (our friend) father was there. He had been drinking and I was in the van waiting for my DH so we could leave.. kids were sitting there patiently.. when this man gets in the car and pretty much says.. "You are the UGLIEST woman I have ever seen" ... I took deep breaths and smiled...I said I know I am not pretty you don't have to remind me. And I kept smiling.. inside I was crying... my DS and my DD's were just staring at me.. they were waiting for me to cry....He proceeded with the horrible comments .... when my DH and his friend walked up he got out of the van and they all stood there talking again... I smiled... just kept smiling... He then tells my DH that he felt sorry for having to take me places... my DH says why??? He said once again the same thing... Our friend told his dad to go on.. and leaned in and said I'm sorry.. but it didn't work...

I'm still ugly and his words stuck.... like glue..



Once again.. I hear my DS's friends talk about ugly momma's today.. guess who ranks up there with medusa? ME .....

Now I signed up for SugarShacks class and Jennifer Dontzs class and I can't hide the ugly then... I'm embarrassed and scared people won't even give me a nod...

Sorry for the pity party but... I'm alone with my kids and upset.. and have noone to talk to..

what an awful experience. mean people suck. I wish there was a magic saying to improve your self esteem. You have to live with cards you were dealt. There isn't much can be said to repair the damage of a cruel jerk. I know, I hear the voices in my head. however, I learned how to put them into perspective-but it takes some work in therapy.

You also need to address the issue of 'ugly' with your children. they need to understand that even tho an adult my do it, it is never acceptable to comment on people in that cruel manner. and it is not acceptable for them to do that either. It is what is inside that matters.

Baking probably is not the cause of your acne. have you consulted a doctor, there are many good treatments for acne. there is on on TV that is used by many people successfully -Proactiv- maybe do some searching on line.

I want to slap that man for you. Was he drunk or something? And he was the father of your husband's friend...he had reached that age without learning any manners. And your husband didn't say anything to him...he must be more peaceful than my husband, mine would have had to say something.

We all have issues with our body image, or with appearance. Since I quit smoking, I have ballooned up to 300 lbs, which is embarassing and horrifying and especially bad because I've tried to start exercising and I managed to injure the tendon on the bottom of my foot instead because of my weight. So I need to exercise to lose weight but I'm so fat I can't exercise without hurting myself. There are days that I don't want to go out of the house. I've never been thin but Judi at 245 lbs looks a heck of a lot better than Judi at 300 lbs. My skirts could double for sofa slipcovers. No one has said anything to me about my weight but today I took the kids swimming because they need to learn even if their mom is a whale and I was embarassed to be out in my swimsuit. It has a skirt down to the knees and I was still wishing it covered more.


Could you start taking the birth control pill and see if it helps with your acne? A lot of times when grown women get acne, it's because their hormones are a little out of balance. I doubt it's from baking or from eating sweet things. Does it get worse the week before your period starts? Another thing that might help is to take evening primrose oil. Black cohosh might help too but you can't take that if there's any chance of pregnancy.

I'm sure your son's friends weren't talking about you...it's one of those joke things, ugly mommas and fat mommas...but think back to being a kid, did you ever really look at your friends' parents? To them, you're probably the wonderful cake lady. I know all my daughter's friends see when they see me is the producer of cookies and cakes

Anyhow, I've seen the pictures of cakes you've made and I've read your helpful and encouraging posts on the forum, and I know you're a beautiful person. What's on the outside of all of us is subject to change, aging, sunburns, getting bigger or smaller, etc...but what's inside is what really counts.

Do you think you might have body dysmorphic disorder? http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/body-dysmorphic-disorder/DS00559/DSECTION=1

I so thank you all for posting to this topic... I know it sounds like I am having a pity party but... I really had a hard day .. and it's something I just don't want to talk about in front of my kids.

My DH would of said something... if I didn't rush him off.. when we pulled out I let it go.. then my poor babies cried with me.. my DS really wanted to pounce.. But I am teaching self control with him... and just because someone says something to me I don't want anybody to get angry enough to fight ya know? I have lived with this.. and just have to manage with it. I smile and go on. I even make fun of myself sometimes when people do it to me. So they laugh and I feel like a big ball of crap ..... That man's words will always stick with me. It will never go away. I could be the nicest person in the world and it won't make me feel better... I was always taught to kill people with kindness EVEN when they are ugly with me. And I have. I always do. I try to be kind and always lend a ear and a hug .. I love hugs.. they can cure just about everything.

I wish I did have that disorder .. then it would mean I really wasn't homely.. but I am and I have to learn to grow up and deal with it. Just hurts ya know?

My face .. the acne.. isn't tremendously bad but I couldn't believe in 1 week I was graced with 3 new faces ATTACHED to my face LOL... last week I had received 1 new little friend... that wouldn't go away.. then I guess he decided to have a party LOL ... oh well..

I know how you feel. I have always had a horrible overbite and my parents didn't get braces for me when I was a child. I have lived with cruel comments also and I know the pain you are experiencing.
DH and I got braces for me when I was in my late 30's ~ kinda old I know, but it's what I always wanted. It helped my teeth tremendously but I still feel ugly.
I would never make the comments to other people that I have heard all my life. I know deep down that what is on the inside is most important but it is difficult for me to always keep that in mind.
You are definitely the better person for keeping your cool. Cruel, insensitive jerks like that will get what they deserve in the long run. Keep your head held high and keep on smiling. I wish I could give you a great big hug!!

If it's just three little pimples, go buy a green concealer stick (NYC brand is $2 at target) and cover those little puppies up until they go away. No matter what Seventeen magazine said when we were kids, putting concealer on a zit isn't going to cause it to multiply overnight, as long as you wash the makeup off at the end of the day.

I wish I had been there when that man talked to you like that...I would have told him off for you...I'm getting meaner with age. I used to tell myself to let everything go, that eventually people would get what they deserved. But I've gotten tired of waiting and I've started speaking up when I'm upset about something, and it feels pretty good. (Yes, I'm one of those loud fat women...I'll probably have to buy some muumuu's soon or a little dog to carry in my purse )

I think you need to find something to do that makes you feel good about yourself, some little something that you can change to cheer yourself up. Maybe some highlights in your hair or a pretty color of polish for your toenails (not fingernails because it gets in the fondant ) Personally, having the right lotion will make me happy, especially the slightly shimmery ones that smell good, and if I have earrings I like then it's hard to have a bad day. For my sister it's shoes.

I got the highlights... I have some beautiful earrings.

My outlet is my caking .. But ya can't really take your frustrations out on your cake can ya? LOL

I did a lot of buying friendship in my early older years lol... I would make friends cakes all the time.. no charge just cause I wanted to .... then when something would happen and I actually started getting orders .. well they disappeared...

Hey and by the way...

Nice to meet ya.. from one fat lady myself

So what do ya do when you have to meet new people... Like this class I am taking... I just know when I show up these ladies (some ccers ) will be beautiful... Do I sit at the last work station and hope nobody see's me?

*shrugging shoulders*

Christi,

I bet you've said this to your kids when they worried about going to school with a spot, bad hair day, or something like that...everyone's going there to learn, not to look at each other. The only difference is, since it's all adults going to the class, in this case it really will be true. Everyone will be busy learning. Meeting people from CC will be a fringe benefit of going, not the sole purpose...and there's not going to be a beauty contest. You're not going to get there and find that the class is full of teenage supermodels...cake decorating is a skill that takes a few years to learn, plus many samples of the finished products and a lot of the time it shows. Did you see that thread on airbrushing photos? Did you go to the website and look at the before and afters, and see how even celebrities look like average people before the photos get tinkered with? I think you're imagining everyone who's going to that class looking like a glamour shots photo, and you'll get there and find the real people instead.

Judi

There is something seriously WRONG with people who judge others because of their looks.

Where is that man? I'd like to b****-slap him right on into next week. Either that or just plain stuff him into a chipper/shredder.

***Moderator edited for foul language!!!***

Haven't you ever heard the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder?" Just because that rude man said those horrible things to you, does NOT mean that anyone else views you in the same way. And people like him, need to be slapped. Hard!

Think about it like this, you think John Travolta is handsome, Chutzpah thinks he has a butt chin. Who's right? Both of you are. No one person is viewed as beautiful, or ugly, by EVERYONE. I think Angelina Jolie is beautiful, my bff thinks she's just absolutely hideous. I have a thing for Johnny Depp, my other friend thinks he looks like a squirrel.

I have no idea what you look like, but I have no doubt that you are a beautiful person, inside and out. Your DH obviously thinks so too. And I saw your post on that "Let me see what you look like.." thread and you have beautiful children as well.

I know it hurts to be called ugly. People have told me I was ugly too. It's hard to shake stuff like that off, so you vent all you need to. I do hope you feel better soon, though.

I'll tell ya what ugly is .... "Ugly" is a man (person) who would say such a thing to anyone!

I was one of those people who used to be able to eat anything in the world and lose weight. I stayed at 118 lbs and never knew how to diet or how to control eating. Now my thyroid has shut down and I hover at around 200 lbs. I actually won a beauty pageant at the age of 32, so being an old fat lady took "a little" bit of an adjustment.

My 15 year old has a weight issue. But here's what I tell her:

"Yes, honey, we may be fat ... but we are GORGEOUS!!!!"

Confidence is beautiful!! You do beautiful cake work, you share your experiences and advice unselfishly, you help others with their questions and problems .... sight-unseen, you are a BEAUTIFUL person!!!

Don't escape to the corner of the room ..... you should allow people the HONOR of being your friend and your acquaintance!

And if you don't start believing that, then I'll travel down there myself and shake my mom-finger in your face.

And I'm close enough to be able to do it, too, young lady!!

. . . hey Christi . . . first, let me say that beauty is truly only skin deep . . . and all those other cliches . . . BUT . . . having said that, I think we have seen a picture of you . . . what was your avatar prior to the one you have now . . . was it not your funny "beach babe" photo . . . now while it was a hoot . . . I can remember thinking what a beautiful lady you are . . . BEAUTIFUL . . . I think you are BEAUTIFUL . . . AND you have soooo many other talents and gifts . . . I would love to know you personally, and I have no questions as to why your husband is with you . . . he is a VERY lucky man . . . as for the drunken sod (maybe that should be sob), he is the ugly person in this story . . . UUUUUGGGLLLLYYY (inside and out)

I only have one thing to say:

You don't get to choose your looks, but you get to choose your behaviour. Which is why I don't give a damn about looks, but despise people with bad behaviour.

Obviously you're the better person here and you hubby and kids and friends and CC knows that.

Now lets go kick his butt!

I just keeping thinking of Celie's quote from The Color Purple after being called ugly...

"I'm poor, black, I might even be ugly, but dear God, I'm here. I'm here. "


Shame on that man for being such an ugly prick! I can't believe your DH didn't punch him out. You hold your chin up honey, you have no idea how beautiful you are!

Christi, (((((HUG))))) Ok....now that the hugging is taken care of, I just want to shake you. NO ONE who is as caring as you are is UGLY!!!! Also I have seen your picture, and you are not ugly. I remember seeing your picture, and thinking to myself, you can see her soft caring nature in the picture. But I also know you have a hard time hearing that as well. Words do hurt, the old saying "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" Is a big stinking LIE. Throw a rock at me, but please don't be mean to me, it hurts more, and it hurts longer. You go to that class, and have the time of your life. And I agree with an earlier poster, I'd rather spend my time with someone with a great personality, and a good heart than a mean beauty queen any time.

Like my DBF says "There's only one cure for stupidity" and that's exactly what that so called "man" needs. Obviously he needed to demean someone to make himself feel better. No cure for him *shaking my head*

You said you wonder why your DH is with you..GF I'm gonna slap you along side the head! DH sees the beautiful YOU!!! Beauty is not just skin deep but shines from within. Your gorgeous!!!

I wouldn't kill him with kindness. I wouldn't waste that much energy on an idioit like that. I wouldn't have acknowledged an idiotic comment that came out of his mouth. Your much better than that. HE is the one to be pitied...not you. HE Obviously has some issues. Yep...no cure for stupidity.

I want to thank each and everyone of you for posting to my pity story ... I have woke up to a new day and some awesome advice. I am going to make this day with my family a great one!!! I know this won't leave my head or heart for awhile but it doesn't have to rule my life today lol.

Thank you for your kind words!!! AND I do appreciate each and everyone of you!!!!

Christi-

I can't wait to meet you in Evansville! I want to be first in line to give yo a great big (((H U G )))! You are one of my favorite CC'ers because of your kindness, wonderful sense of humor and the graciousness that God blessed you with. God was there when He knit you together in your mama's womb and He doesn't make mistakes so do not let a nut-case ruin your day and make you doubt yourself and the wonderful gift you are to your Dh and kiddos - not to mention the members here at CC!!!

See ya in February!!!

Okay, I haven't read the entire thread, but oh man, if we knew that man's address.... I cannot BELIEVE someone would say such horrid things to someone else over something they can't help. GRRR!!!

On the acne front, I'm 43 years old, chubby, and have liver spots on my face in two war-paint-like streaks on each cheek. For the past 5 weeks, I've been on a candida-reducing diet (I have to take a lot of antibiotics) and the acne that I figured was just part of me has started to clear up, and the liver spots are beginning to fade. Turns out I was reacting to seemingly innocent foods that other people can eat and I guess I can't. Small price to pay to have people tell me how much better my skin looks. Sorry, that sort of rambled, didn't it?

Anyway, Christi, I've always thought you're lovely. I tend to think of people as sort of looking like their avatars even though most avatars on here are cake. You must be like springtime in my mind. Cheery colors and flowers.

{{Hug}}
Deanna

I am LIVID! FURIOUS! Let's go get this man! What a cruel thing to do. I think he needs professional help. What was he trying to accomplish by saying those things? How hurtful and nasty. Azzhole.

I have acne, too. When I was in 7th-8th grade, it was incredibly bad. I'm talking huge, pussy pimples all over my face, chest, and back. I felt like an ogre, and it made me into a hermit. You should have seen how I changed clothes for PE class. I was like a contortionist or something. Over the years I have tried every single product and medication, and the combination of Stridex pads and Retin-A is the only thing that has helped me. I can't believe that at the age of 37 I still have acne.

I'm glad you feel better today. You are NOT ugly, on the inside or outside.

I agree with everyone on here, youre an awesome person. That man can say what he will but he clearly doesnt know you, no one who really knows you would ever call you ugly. YOu post so much on here and are so helpful, youve given me more advice than I can shake a stick at, and i know i recognize your avatar b/c i see it on other ppls post so much, your a giving kind person, not an ugly person. I also agree the kids were probably doing thos "your moma" jokes, my dad has always said them, and for 25 yrs he was married to my moma, it was just a joke. I think we all have our things that makes us uncomfortable and we all have bad days. I have a giant forehead, or as my bro jokingly says a 5 head, i have to have bangs....or else! I also have very greasy skin and my hairs usually oily at the scalp within hrs of me washing it (i sprinkle a little baby powder on itto give me a lift)Someone mentioned proactiv, i use that, i have since highschool, i have to or my blemishes take over, its quite horrid. I started gettin zits in 5th grade and remember some kid saying "we could pllay connect the dots on your face" well not anymore! Oh and my thing is handbags, thats what makes me feel better!

I really think that after being married, having a few kids, and reaching 30s/40s or later, anyone who is going to pick their friends by their looks or weight, isn't the kind of person I want to be friends with.

Life is too short and there are other qualities that are much more important. If you are a good mom, wife, person then I am sure you are truly beautiful person and that is what matters.

ok....take a guess how much I weigh....

go ahead...

nope..higher

still not there....

closer....

ok now we're into the "baby elephant" range ...

--- answer: well 2 years ago (the last time I was on a scale) it was north of 320!

-----

to all that has been said about being ridiculed for weight, looks, height, etc. etc. etc. --- SO been there done that!

----

the cruelest "JOKE" I ever heard:

stick and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.

just remember -- the pen (meaning WORDS) is mightier than the sword! ---

and WORDS can/do kill so easily.
the kill the soul, the heart, the mind, hopes, dreams, aspirations.

-----

i've had to master the comeback.

and I've got some doosies!

call me a fat Ba****d and I'll shoot back -- really -- you mean you can see!?!? and to the "B" part -- you're dang right! and I've got the adoption papers to prove it! (really do!)

my fav warning to students --- be good or I'll sit on you -- then you'll be flatter than a pancake!

to get them out of my way -- LOOK OUT! klutzy baby elephant coming through! look out I may fall on you!

Mr. F -- you're you look so old! -- really -- it's all YOUR fault you made me look like this!

and on and on I can go.

----

interesting reading -- overbite? yep me too -- but too stubborn to get braces! I just do the my overbite is worse than yours game! and have learned how to "cheat" when asked to smile (just enough to show top teeth only)

acne -- why always on the tip of my nose or right around the mouth?!?!?!? a nice big white-headed pimple -- which I promptly POP! (squeeze hard)-- so it's bleeds -- everyone is USED to seeing me bleed! (Mr. F -- you're bleeding! "I am?" YES ..."Oh. Am I dripping?) (family response: NOW WHAT!?! don't drip! clean it up!) hey popping it and making it bleed means you can blame it on: the dog/the cat that scratched you; the door you ran into, a random tree branch, etc.

no fair -- at least women can wear mu-mus --- I'm stuck w/ over size shorts and hawaiian shirts! and you don't have to cut yourself in half visually by wearing a belt (to hold up those pants that forever threaten to fall off!)


as for looking like avatar -- well closer to amia1024's current one (cute little elephant -- tho' my hair and expression usually match my current calvin one!

----

I've even considered doing the weight loss surgery -- but....well....to afraid it'd mean I'd have to give up chocolate!

----

I too am tired of being the ugly duckling -- when do I get to be a swan???

but --- then....
that just may never be (oh who am I kidding -- at this point it won't be, ever) at least on the OUTSIDE.

so I have to be a SWAN on the inside and those with discerning eyes will see and appreciate it.

know that others can see that inner SWAN in you -- like your DH! and so many of us here.

---

time to go find some outrages hawiian shirt to wrap this Swan in!

Doug .. you have such a great way of looking at things.. as of the rest of you.

It's hard.. especially now with the way the world is so into the slim and beautiful look to be the way I am and the way others think they are... I have ALWAYS been one to look beyond the outer image... I have run into sooo many beautiful people whom looks might not be ranked up there with the beauty queens but to me they are way past that in the way they act towards people..

I think it's a lot easier to be nice and homely (like myself) then to be beautiful and nasty.


Thank you guys

The most beautiful people I know I can't describe so that you would recognize them in a picture...you would need to meet them to know their beauty.

I don't really think about how a person looks (including myself)...I can sleep at night with a zit, extra weight on, bad hair, etc, but I cannot sleep at night with a bad conscience if I have been mean, inconsiderate, or unkind to someone.

Your beauty shows in how you treat others here.

One line that always helps me when I'm feeling not too good about what the old scale says is, "Dogs like bones, too, but they bury them". Just remember how all of us here at CC know that you are a beautiful person. You may have acne, but that guy has a terrible case of ignorance, stupidity, no manners and major ugliness of the soul. I think in the big scheme of things, you definitely got the better deal - you have family and friends (like us at CC) who love you.