How To Handle Rude Family Members! Please Help

Decorating By amy2197 Updated 5 Jun 2008 , 12:33pm by just_for_fun

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KASCARLETT Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:24pm
post #31 of 89

I'm glad to hear that you just aren't taking anything. That shows your maturity. At one point in time, I was that way about my inlaws, but in time they have gotten better (I have been married for almost 13 years, so it took them about 12 to really accept me). I even made my sils wedding cake last year for her wedding gift and she has been so grateful for it. So hang in there, be yourself and don't "sweat the small stuff" (learned the hard way!). Just enjoy yourself at the party!

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Cookie_Brookie Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:25pm
post #32 of 89

I wanted to make a cake for my BF's sisters birthday last year, I had planned on making a book cake since she had just gotten her teaching degree. I stated this to his entire family!

A few days before the party his grandma says I don't have to make a cake she is making 2 of them, she always does things like this to try and show everyone else up. So we get there and she had two cakes, both from boxes (mine are always from scratch), one with canned icing the other with no icing at all. Then she proceeds to brag to everyone how she has spent all day cooking and baking for this party. I got my revenge when everyone started showing up and asking where my cake was, and I mean EVERYONE! Needless to say her cake was barely eaten.

I would just go to the party and enjoy myself if I were you. That is what I did. Most people where I live get their cakes from the local grocery store so I just make some comment about how I hate icing that tastes like a mouthful of crisco. I sure you can come up with something clever...

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tiptop57 Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:27pm
post #33 of 89

((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))

Ah hon, so sorry about the rude family members



As for handling rude family members.....you might want to look at adopting yourself out. I will take a daughter as I don't have one! As for inlaws - who cares. They have written whole therapy fairy tales about them you know.

Grow a thick skin and don't show up!

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Dru329 Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:31pm
post #34 of 89

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was going through this about two weeks ago when I had to make two cake for the same weekend (Dad's birthday, nephew's birthday). Well obviously cakes long to make and lots and lots of ingredients....my husband comes home that day and looks at all of the mess I'm making and tells me "Don't take this wrong but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to go into this business"....soo I just went off on him. I can't believe he told me this after knowing that I had a deadline...I was really nervous about how one of the cakes was going to turn out, I had stayed up until 3:00 in the morning the previous day to get a head start, and for him to come in and tell me this! He NEVER tells me anything nice when I'm making cakes. It's almost like he enjoys crushing my spirits because he knows I'm never satisfied with my cakes.

THEN later on when we're cutting the cakes my brother tells me..."Your cakes are nothing but show...did you use that stuff (fondant) from the last time...cause that's nasty"....well since we were at a party I had to just laugh it off but my spirits were slowing getting crushed even more because of what my husband had told me earlier.

THEN after the party my MOM (of ALL people) tells me the exact same thing that my husband told me. She said that I would never be able to get my money's worth and that nobody would pay what they're really worth. I literally could have cried right there and then. I could see my husband laughing and again I had to just shrug it off because we were at the party.

I can't believe these people....my OWN family and they're crushing me. I'm not a professional...I don't have the pans, tools, enough hands, education etc. like a bakery does to make cakes but I'm doing the best I can with the knowledge that I have. Bet they couldn't make cakes like mine. Well to say the least..I really don't feel like making cakes anymore. I was humiliated at home and at the party by the people that I care about the most.

OK OK...guess I'll end it right here...didn't really offer much advice..just wanted to let you know you're not the only one and some how we have to get over the things our family member tell us. It's just not that easy...at least for me.

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SweetResults Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:42pm
post #35 of 89

I'm glad you choose to just go and not bring anything - it's not worth the sweat. Good for you.

Dru sweetie - the cakes you have posted look fabulous - tell your family to bite a brick and keep on baking!!!

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DebBTX Posted 30 May 2008 , 10:01pm
post #36 of 89

Besides, when everyone is shoveling mass-produced, freezer-burnt, shipped-halfway-across-the-country cake in their mouths, you can just snicker, and hope it gives them the runs. icon_wink.gif[/quote]

I'm sorry y'all for posting this later, but I am still laughing at this quote. I have had some trouble with extended family. I have always lived in the South. (TX and coastal MS)

I couldn't help but imagine a congenial G.R.I.T.S (Girls Raised in the South) moment when the gracious, but snubbed culinary expert approaches the rude brother with a smile on her face. While thinking about the above quote, and with true Southern Hospitality, she says to him, "Well bless your heart"... as she serves him his 3rd piece of Wal-Mart cake.

icon_lol.gif

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indydebi Posted 30 May 2008 , 10:07pm
post #37 of 89

Dru, I dont' know what to say except that success is the SWEETEST revenge in the world!!

When I first resurrected my biz, my daughter and my neighbor were going to be my partners and they both dropped out right away (thank god!) because of all the time and the work. They wanted nothing to do with the time and the work.

NOW .... both are crying to their friends "I could have been in on the ground floor with her!"

------------------
I wouldn't take anything. But me being me, when they asked "aren't you having any cake?", I'd reply with "*I* don't eat that crap! I'm used to good cakes ... the ones *I* make!" icon_twisted.gif

On a serious note, don't sweat it. You don't want everyone to take the attitude of "You better ask her to do the cake or she'll get all pi$$y about it!" All of my nieces/nephews know that I give them their wedding cake as a gift ... if they want it. I also do the catering at cost ... if they want it. SOme take me up on it ... some don't. If they don't, then I'm not giving away cake and working in a hot kitchen for zero profit ... and I get to be a guest at the wedding for a change! thumbs_up.gif

Carolyn, your in-laws are a trip! icon_surprised.gif

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BrandisBaked Posted 30 May 2008 , 10:09pm
post #38 of 89

People do NOT understand that we get insulted over this. They don't understand the pride we take in our work. People in other professions don't get offended if they don't get asked to take on more work for free... apparently, we are the only crazy ones!

Can you see your mechanic cousin getting offended that you didn't expect him to change your oil for free?!? Or that accountant uncle being disappointed that you didn't come to him with a box full of receipts wanting him to do your taxes without payment?

You can't take it personally, it probably wasn't meant as a snub.

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Sugar_Plum_Fairy Posted 30 May 2008 , 10:27pm
post #39 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by aswartzw

Some family members don't like to take advantage of others and/or he was afraid of the $$. I really don't think you should take it personally. I doubt he was trying to snub you.




I didn't have time to finish reading this whole thread, but I think when dealing with family members and close friends, one has to walk a fine line. I agree with aswartzw. You don't really know which way this was intended, but I can understand your frustration as I've been there myself numerous times.

Just bring an outta this world dessert (like dragonflydreams suggested - I'm pretty sure it was her idea), the cupcakes would be a good choice, and see which 'cake' the guests go for. Dollars to doughnuts (pun intended) it'll be yours.

I know when I go through this with my in-laws they either don't ask (don't know why) or they ask at the last minute (that DAY!) like I have them stockpiled somewhere in the house! Of course, let's not even get into the issue with the involved costs - everyone always expects one for free! Then again, for those that don't ask, maybe that's why? icon_confused.gif Of course the ones that I'm referring to are the ones that don't hesitate to buy from Sylvia Weinstock and pay over $1,000 and even buy bottles of wine costing more than $750 per!! icon_confused.gificon_mad.giftapedshut.gif

Oh well!

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diane Posted 30 May 2008 , 11:28pm
post #40 of 89

wowo... icon_eek.gif you would think they would want you to do the cake...being a graduate of one of the top culinary schools in america. icon_eek.gif it's their loss. icon_cool.gif
btw...my son wants to go there. is it worth the money? how where the classes?? icon_confused.gificon_smile.gif

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Sweettooth1120 Posted 30 May 2008 , 11:41pm
post #41 of 89

I am glad you decided to not do anything. Stop me if I am wrong but it seems to mee that that type of a person/family, who were the ones who decided to order from Walmart anyway, are probably just fine with Walmart cake and dont have the refined pallette (sp?) to even be able to enjoy the blood, sweat, tears and effort put into a homemade, custom cake. Honestly if they are that rude and you took a cake, they would take a bite out of your cake and say "its alright" and tick you off even more. Dont give them the benefit. Go, enjoy yourself as best as you can, have a piece of cake if you really want to (I dont turn my nose up at cake, someone spent their time making it, even if it was a walmart employee), brush yourself off and move on. You are the better person.

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Texas_Rose Posted 30 May 2008 , 11:49pm
post #42 of 89

I know how you feel. My sister decided at the last minute that she wanted a wedding cake from Walmart, instead of having me make it.
I got the last laugh when that sucker toppled over at the reception (sis had to assemble it herself, and the push through pillars and styrofoam plates just didn't do the job, and I wasn't touching it or offering advice). Not only that, but the parts that were salvageable were about 4" of solid cake with no filling...dry as can be. My mom had chunks of it in her freezer until my sister's first anniversary, and it wasn't because they were keeping it on purpose.

I've learned how to deal with rude inlaws...I just don't talk to them. I used to make the effort, but 3 years ago, after 8 years of stress and anxiety dealing with them, I made a clean break. (FIL told DH while I was in the hospital having our second daughter that he should divorce me and marry a woman who was healthy enough to have sons). It's nice not having to deal with my inlaws anymore.

Even my mom is rude about my cakes sometimes. I was helping her with her computer and she said I ought to take classes and get certified in computer repair because that was a lot more marketable than cakes. And I was showing her a picture of a cake in a Debbie Brown book that I'm planning to make for my daughter's birthday in August, and she said, "Wow, if you start now you might get done in time."

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MORSELSBYMARK Posted 31 May 2008 , 12:15am
post #43 of 89

My inlaws aren't rude in that way - when we celebrate a bday with he extended family, I always make the cake and everyone ooh's and ahh's, but when the are doing a supper with immediate family, my MIL always buys a frozen cake. My wif has told her numerous times that I would comp the cake anyway. My family (except for an aunt - see below) on the other hand are soooo supportive - my kid sister who has started doing cakes just recently- tells everyone that she will never make my neices cakes no matter how good she gets at decorating- because she appreciates that I'm willing to take on the challenge. I also have an aunt who does cakes (not very well - very blah and ordinary) who always tries to find some flaw with my creations - to which I always answer with - as much as I love you, the Wilton method of covering cakes with bc rosettes is old and very one trick pony- my family all laugh bcs her cakes tend to be dry yet she continues to toot her own horn!

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indydebi Posted 31 May 2008 , 12:20am
post #44 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by MORSELSBYMARK

....the Wilton method of covering cakes with bc rosettes is old and very one trick pony!




Hey! I resemble that remark!! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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MORSELSBYMARK Posted 31 May 2008 , 12:37am
post #45 of 89

Indydebi - I meant no offense. I have admired the work you do and by far, you do waaayyy more that covering an entire cake in rosettes!

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Scox Posted 31 May 2008 , 1:12am
post #46 of 89

First off, sorry about the long story.

My sil takes the cake! (ha) She's the one that's always trying to sign me up for any baking event that she knows of and then just tells me, oh btw... Then she asked me to make her daughter's cake for her birthday. So I figured, well, I don't get along w/her too well, but this would be something good for both of us. I'd make her an awsome cake for her daughter at NO CHARGE, and then maybe someone at the party will try to order one from me. Well, at the last minute, she tells dh that they're just going to buy a walmart cake because her mom tried making the cake and it was a disaster and the icing sucked. icon_confused.gificon_eek.gificon_mad.gif WHO IS MAKING THE CAKE?!?! Well, I already had the stuff so I told dh to tell her I still send a small personal cake for her daughter. She said that would be nice. I was really offended about it and I couldn't face them because they're horrible and would porbably want to see how I'd react so I just sent the cake and didn't go. They didn't take the cake to the party. Only the WM cake. For my daughters party I made cupcakes. It wasn't anything big but everyone ELSE was saying they were cute and they liked how I displayed them. SIL kept stuffing her face with them. Then later on has the NERVE to tell dh that I should really just forget about finishing my culinary arts degree and should be a hairstylist!! icon_mad.gificon_mad.gificon_mad.gificon_evil.gificon_surprised.gificon_confused.gificon_evil.gif !!!!!! Because I can comb my daughter hair really nice. UGH!!!!!!!!! NEVER EVER AGAIN WILL I DO SOMETHING NICE! Geez! 5 yrs I've been married and they still treat me like...... lesson learned. icon_sad.gif

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indydebi Posted 31 May 2008 , 1:32am
post #47 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by MORSELSBYMARK

Indydebi - I meant no offense. I have admired the work you do and by far, you do waaayyy more that covering an entire cake in rosettes!



No offense taken at all! (see my laughy face icons??) thumbs_up.gif

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chassidyg Posted 31 May 2008 , 2:30am
post #48 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by diane

wowo... icon_eek.gif you would think they would want you to do the cake...being a graduate of one of the top culinary schools in america. icon_eek.gif it's their loss. icon_cool.gif
btw...my son wants to go there. is it worth the money? how where the classes?? icon_confused.gificon_smile.gif




Wow! I just realized where you were! Never paid attention to it until now. I was there in the late 80's, that is my 2nd favorite base! A good friend is stationed there currently!! Sorry to be totally off subject, but I got excited!

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ShortcakesSweets Posted 31 May 2008 , 3:45am
post #49 of 89

Do we have the same in-laws??!! LOL Mine treat me the same way. My DH and I have been married 25 years, they didn't like me from the start and they still don't like me. I told DH a while back that after 25 years you'd think they would get over it but they haven't. I used to cry and get very hurt ~ family has always been very important to me ~ but I don't let it bother me anymore. But I am to the point that I rarely go with my hubby to their family gatherings. I just don't need the stress.
Lately even though they don't ask I will go all out and send the most awesome thing I can come up with. He comes back with lots of compliments from them, but they still don't call. I just can't figure them out.
Sorry my reply is so long, but I hope you're feeling better about the situation. icon_biggrin.gif Seems there are a lot of us that have in-law problems.

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Scox Posted 31 May 2008 , 3:55am
post #50 of 89

[I used to cry and get very hurt ~ family has always been very important to me ~]

EXACTLY!!!!! My family has always been really tight! Yeah we fight, but we argue and get over it. It's the same with DH. He's part of our clan now. I used to cry also and try to get any kind of approval from them, but now, thumbsdown.gif I just don't care. If I'm not there, then I dn't have to deal with it.[/quote]

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YouCaterer Posted 31 May 2008 , 4:28am
post #51 of 89

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that mess. It happens to the best of us, that's what I think. If caking makes you happy, then forget it! icon_wink.gif

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wgoat5 Posted 31 May 2008 , 4:41am
post #52 of 89

the last thing my MIL ever asked for from me was a dummy cake with Marilyn Monroe for her B/F ... For a loan of 10 dollars icon_sad.gif .... She didn't get it..

Sooo...

My MIL doesn't call our house anymore and doesn't even really talk to my DH (whom I feel so sorry for and apologize all the time because I know it's me she is mad at). He even cried to her on the phone and she still doesn't call.

Oh well no desserts for them!! icon_biggrin.gif

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Janette Posted 31 May 2008 , 4:50am
post #53 of 89

Sounds to me she figured out a way to get to you. If you let your feeling show, she wins.

A very wise woman once told me you smile and speak nicely while you are thinking @*%^@#$. It will drive then nuts.

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wgoat5 Posted 31 May 2008 , 4:54am
post #54 of 89

I think they call that "killing them with kindness" LOL icon_wink.gif

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joy5678 Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:04am
post #55 of 89

I solved this kind of challenge by saying "Oh, thank you soooo much for not asking me to make you a cake. I have been sooooo busy that I wouldn't have been able to fit you in anyway!" Worked for me & no hard feelings. For some odd reason I'm always sooooo busy when someone I know wants a "freebie" also. icon_smile.gif

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joy5678 Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:07am
post #56 of 89

I solved this kind of challenge by saying "Oh, thank you soooo much for not asking me to make you a cake. I have been sooooo busy that I wouldn't have been able to fit you in anyway!" Worked for me & no hard feelings. For some odd reason I'm always sooooo busy when someone I know wants a "freebie" also. icon_smile.gif

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joy5678 Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:07am
post #57 of 89

I solved this kind of challenge by saying "Oh, thank you soooo much for not asking me to make you a cake. I have been sooooo busy that I wouldn't have been able to fit you in anyway!" Worked for me & no hard feelings. For some odd reason I'm always sooooo busy when someone I know wants a "freebie" also. icon_smile.gif

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gateaux Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:12am
post #58 of 89

So sorry you are going through this. We all have to deal with our families, immediate or in laws. My brother thought he knew more about cakes then I did. I asked him if he wanted me to give him advice on his construction biz. He has not mentioned it since. It also helped that the last time he visited, I made this chocolate/raspberry mousse/ganache covered cake that he could not get enough of. I digress... icon_lol.gif

You can offer to do something, if they dont want it, it's their choice.
We just have to pick our battles and sometimes letting some people get a little egg on their face is a good thing. icon_twisted.gif

Only you know your family and I hope that you feel comfortable with your decision. Anything else you just need to brush it off. I know it's difficult sometimes but you will feel better in a few days. icon_wink.gif

Good Luck!

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lovely Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:17am
post #59 of 89

Hey ya,

You don't have to take a dessert or anything but you could take a cupcake bouquet With earrings in a small box in the base (I did that for my mum) or a cookie bouquet (also did for my mum but a necklace in the base). They make excellent gifts.

Good luck with the party.

Cheers
Leigh

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twooten173 Posted 31 May 2008 , 5:20am
post #60 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiptop57

....I will take a daughter as I don't have one! As for inlaws - who cares. They have written whole therapy fairy tales about them you know.




I'm up for adoption. My birthday's next week and I would like an Electrolux stove MOM icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif

I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's crappy family. It's nice to have people in your corner. Don't you worry your pretty little heads, you have us at CC in your corner!

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