How To Handle Rude Family Members! Please Help

Decorating By amy2197 Updated 5 Jun 2008 , 12:33pm by just_for_fun

amy2197 Posted 30 May 2008 , 3:46pm
post #1 of 89

Long story made short, my mother-in-laws mother is having a birthday party tomorrow. She(mil) encouraged her brother to let me do the birhday cake. Her brother then said he would find someone else to do it, it would be more convenient for him. It's not like I would have charged for the cake, and i would have delivered it since i have to go anyway. I don't know how to react to these people. Granted I have not been decorating cakes very long, but I am a Le Cordon Bleu graduate and do have some training in the basics. It is not a formal party, a simple sheet cake is all they are ordering. How do I face these people tomorrow after being so blatantly snubbed? Please Help

88 replies
amy2197 Posted 30 May 2008 , 3:53pm
post #2 of 89

Oh, as if i didn't feel bad enough. THey're getting it from WALMART!

veejaytx Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:07pm
post #3 of 89

Obviously it is their loss! Don't let it get to you, some people just don't have a clue, as we establish here every day!

kdaze Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:09pm
post #4 of 89

Make a dessert to take. Something totally FAB!! Maybe some cupcakes. Best thing you can do is kill them with kindness. When they taste your great cupcakes they will be sorry and all future cakes will be yours! I'm sure the walmart cake will be left in shambles.
Karrie

dragonflydreams Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:11pm
post #5 of 89

. . . did you already bake the cake . . . if so I'd bring it with . . . wish the birthday girl a "happy birthday" from you and announce that you can never have too much cake . . . all smiles and graciousness . . . if you haven't made the cake then just take it in stride . . . yes, people are rude . . .

AJsGirl Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:14pm
post #6 of 89

Wave 'em off, honey. Family and friends are the WORST customers. You know your worth, too bad if they don't.

Besides, when everyone is shoveling mass-produced, freezer-burnt, shipped-halfway-across-the-country cake in their mouths, you can just snicker, and hope it gives them the runs. icon_wink.gif

bashini Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:15pm
post #7 of 89

Oh yes, I totaly agree with Karrie, you should make something and take it when you go there. And the other thing is that its their loss.

If that happens to me, I will double charge them if they order cakes from me again.

icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif

Carolynlovescake Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:16pm
post #8 of 89

I have to admit it stung the first couple times my sister did this. I finally asked her why and she said that she knew I did cakes all the time and the last thing she wanted me to do on my down time was more cake for family events.


My inlaw's... well I could go on for hours. Let's just say when MIL was here last time I was watching a Food Network cake challenge and at the end she said "well that may be talent but it's such a waste and could be put to use in a different field. It's only a damn cake that gets eaten, and to think anyone would pay more than $10 for a cake shows that people just spend money in stupid ways."

Hubby looked at me to be sure I wasn't going to lunge and poke her eyes out and I just got up and walked from the room. He made it clear she just pretty much insulted my industry and what pays for her grandkids needs and wants. She was like "I don't care it's a stupid thing!"

I will NEVER bake for her again. Pie, cookie, cake.. nothing. Nor will there be any treats for her when she visits and loved to sit and snack on. She commented when she left that I hadn't baked any cookies for her to take back like I normally do.

You have the audacity in my own home to insult what I do for a living and then get pissy with me for not doing it? She's a bright one I tell ya! icon_confused.gif


At events where people don't let me bake and instead do a Wal*Mart special if someone comments about the cake or asked if I did it I just nicely say "Oh that's not my cake" and leave it at that. I don't get emotional over it because they I look like the fool.

maryj Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:26pm
post #9 of 89

Oh I woulod soooo be making the best cake to bring with. icon_evil.gif

foxymomma521 Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:34pm
post #10 of 89

If you are a Le Cordon Bleu graduate, maybe he thinks that comes with a big price tag? I'm sorry because that whole situation sucks.

Today I am making my niece's 1st birthday cake. My SIL has YET to say please or thank you icon_mad.gif . She wants a cake for 50 ppl, and has not once offered to pay, and seems to just expect it tapedshut.gif . I told DH this is the LAST time I make a cake for her. If it wasn't my niece's 1st b-day I would have told her I was busy. icon_evil.gif (sorry to hijack your thread, but I don't want to go to that party either thumbsdown.gif )

bellejoey Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:34pm
post #11 of 89

I would do exactly what dragonflydreams said!! And Don't let them know that it bothers you at all!! Just kill them with kindness. icon_smile.gif

yelle66 Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:42pm
post #12 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by AJsGirl


Besides, when everyone is shoveling mass-produced, freezer-burnt, shipped-halfway-across-the-country cake in their mouths, you can just snicker, and hope it gives them the runs. icon_wink.gif




AJsGirl-LMBO...you should use this as your quote. Actually, I think we all should. icon_wink.gif

yummymummy Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:45pm
post #13 of 89

That stinks! icon_mad.gif I would bring something else...cupcakes sound good, and only eat that. Not that you would insult yourself or us for that matter by eating a nasty Walmart cake! icon_wink.gif

travelingcakeplate Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:50pm
post #14 of 89

Family and friends are a TRIP. Don't worry about, you will get your chance and you will knock their socks off!

tcp

amy2197 Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:50pm
post #15 of 89

anyboyd got any delicious cupcake ideas?

aswartzw Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:54pm
post #16 of 89

Some family members don't like to take advantage of others and/or he was afraid of the $$. I really don't think you should take it personally. I doubt he was trying to snub you.

amy2197 Posted 30 May 2008 , 4:56pm
post #17 of 89

I wish that wasn't the case, but these are the rudest people I have ever met. My husband thinks that we should completely disown them, but for his mothers sake I try to always be nice. I take as much as I can, but if they ever put down my kids it's over.

ladyellam Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:02pm
post #18 of 89

I agree with dragonflydreams!!! Make something absolutely decadent and beautiful and with the biggest smile on your face put your cake next to that crappy, mass produced, nasty tasting, so-called confection( and I use that term confection very, very loosely.

See which one gets eaten first.

And then just smile to yourself when that monstrosity is still there.

Amia Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:06pm
post #19 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by amy2197

anyboyd got any delicious cupcake ideas?




I made white chocolate cupcakes and filled them with strawberry cream cheese filling. They were a hit. Everybody ate those and forgot I had made a 3-tiered cake too (in the same flavor).

I hate how rude people can be. I say bring the cupcakes - say that you just wanted to make the birthday girl a little something special. Let the stingy brother see how much $$ he wasted when no one eats the Wal-Mart cake. It may have been cheaper, but if no one eats it, then he might as well have just thrown his $$ in the trash. icon_twisted.gif You could also graciously apologize, in the event the cake is not eaten, for bringing so many cupcakes that the cake ended up being a waste. icon_evil.gif

ccr03 Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:19pm
post #20 of 89

You know, my aunt (a great sponsor mine) told me once that she didn't ask me to make the cake because she told it would be too much. I was so not offended. Maybe he told he was doing you a favor?

Lacicakes Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:30pm
post #21 of 89

Maybe it was just an innocent misunderstanding.Maybe they thought that baking a cake is alot of trouble and thought that they were saving you from the trouble. Don't take it personal. People do and say things that we don't always understand but I find that most people do things out of kindness and are misunderstood.especially if messages are getting told second hand. Some people just have trouble excepting what they might consider a hand out.Just take it for what it is worth and go to the party and have a good time.

costumeczar Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:30pm
post #22 of 89

I wouldn't bring anything if you weren't asked to, that would just make you look petty and fan the flames of whatever family nastiness already exists.

If these people are nasty, you know what you're going to expect, so don't be surprised when they deliver. Don't waste your time dropping to their level, just don't eat any of the nasty Walmart cake when you're there. If someone makes a remark about you not eating any you can just say that you're not hungry, or just take a piece and don't eat any. The best revenge for people like this is to not feed into their foolishness, since staying above the mess will frustrate them more than if you got into it with them.

bethola Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:33pm
post #23 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

I wouldn't bring anything if you weren't asked to, that would just make you look petty and fan the flames of whatever family nastiness already exists.

If these people are nasty, you know what you're going to expect, so don't be surprised when they deliver. Don't waste your time dropping to their level, just don't eat any of the nasty Walmart cake when you're there. If someone makes a remark about you not eating any you can just say that you're not hungry, or just take a piece and don't eat any. The best revenge for people like this is to not feed into their foolishness, since staying above the mess will frustrate them more than if you got into it with them.




I totally agree with this post. Oh, I would SOOOO want to do something, don't get me wrong. BUT, staying above it all would show "CLASS". Also, (and I KNOW people will throw stale cake balls at me for this) I would eat some WalMart cake. Actually, I LIKE our WalMart Cake. Take a bite or two and smile! Be pleasant! It will KILL them!

Beth

Aliwis000 Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:44pm
post #24 of 89

My two worthless cents agree with those who say don't do anything. Let it roll, its probably not worth starting a family war over. Some people are really rude and I am sorry it was your family (that sucks!) But moving on is probably the best and easiest way to handle it.

~Alicia

Ps your cakes are very very cute!

Chef_Stef Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:45pm
post #25 of 89

I have in laws like this, but they trump yours: They specifically TELL me (if it's a potluck or something)...NOT to bring a cake.

Me: Sure we'll come, what should I bring? (without mentioning cake)
MIL: We already have cake.
Me: Ok...so what would you like me to bring?
MIL: Well, we already have dessert, so don't bring cake.
Me: No problem. What should I bring?!
MIL: Oh...I don't know...maybe some chips? Did I mention, we don't need cake.

(this from the woman who was happy for me to make her wedding cake FOR FREE, and a stacked book cake for a grad party for 150 FOR FREE)

And you know what? I'm happy to oblige. I wouldn't want to waste my precious time baking for their ungrateful, back-biting, spiteful butts anyway. I'm the only one in our extended family who is a gourmet cook, and they all know it, so I think it's hilarious to show up with something I stopped and grabbed at the grocery store deli for their potlucks...just like they do for mine...still in the grocery store clear plastic container...MWHAHAHAHA (evil scientist laughter)

Don't even blink. Just show up emptyhanded and enjoy the party, and when they ask you if you want a piece of cake, do like me: Smile brightly and say, "Oh...no thank you! I get so much cake at home. Is that jello salad over there..."

icon_twisted.gif can you tell I have issues with my inlaws? tapedshut.gif

Auryn Posted 30 May 2008 , 5:47pm
post #26 of 89

If I were you,
I wouldn't make anything to take to the party- makes you look petty.
But I also wouldn't eat the wal mart cake either.
If they ask you why just tell them your stomach isnt feeling well or something.

I also however would absolutely limit my interaction with these people, especially if your husband thought so in the first place.
You can always spend time with your MIL if you get along well, its not written anywhere that you have to go out of your way to interact with people who think less of you.

Crazy-4-Cakes Posted 30 May 2008 , 8:24pm
post #27 of 89

Love your post homecook!
I'm in the same boat with my in-laws, it's like our family is jealous of the talent that us CCers have right? Why can't our families be more supportive instead?

I totally agree with homecook, don't bring a darn thing & rise above it! That is now my plan for the upcoming parties my in-laws have! Great Advice!

just_desserts Posted 30 May 2008 , 8:49pm
post #28 of 89

I vote with the others in NOT taking anything. Makes you the bigger person.

Now about the Wal-mart cake, when I attend an event that has a Costco or Wal-mart cake & someone asks if I made it I calmly & sweetly say, with a big smile, "Do you see me eating any of it?"

amy2197 Posted 30 May 2008 , 8:50pm
post #29 of 89

Thank you everyone for your opinions. I've decided not to take anything. If I do then they will not say anything to me, they will say things about me to my mil who will then have to spend her day(which should be happy) defending me.

dragonflydreams Posted 30 May 2008 , 9:00pm
post #30 of 89

. . . hold your head high . . . thumbs_up.gif

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%