Friend Lost Her Daughter,what To Do For Her?long

Lounge By tenleysmommy Updated 29 May 2008 , 3:26am by MollyBea

tenleysmommy Posted 13 May 2008 , 12:35am
post #1 of 16

My nieces(6 and 8 ) play softball and I have gone to every game for 3 years.Well our third baseman died on Friday!She had just turned 8.We burried her today and her parents seem okay,for now.But I am worried about them after everyone else goes back to normal.Anyone have any advice on what I can do,if anything,for them.Thanks

15 replies
Ursula40 Posted 13 May 2008 , 1:08am
post #2 of 16

Just be there for them, whenever and wherever. Nothing more you can do at the moment. The shock will probably need time to sink in as well as the feeling of loss. It probably doesn't seem real at the moment and when everyone else has gone back to normal, it's important for them to know, that someone is there, who knows, that nothing is normal any more, at least not for them for a long time. Stay around in the background, ready to catch and support them, if they ask for help, help, if you see anything needs to be done, just do it without asking or talking about it. I wish you a lot of strength, you will need it, and your nieces as well, they will be suffering as well

Texas_Rose Posted 13 May 2008 , 4:02am
post #3 of 16

Just be there for them. Give them a sympathy card and tell them that they're in your prayers, if you pray. If they have other kids, offer to watch their other kids for them...don't tell your nieces not to mention their friend anymore, because the worst thing for the parents would be to feel like everyone was pretending their daughter never existed.

tenleysmommy Posted 13 May 2008 , 11:45am
post #4 of 16

I really do appreciate the advice and kind words.These past few days have been really hard for us.She will stay in my prayers.This was here only child and I hope she will make it.Thanks again.Stephanie

chutzpah Posted 13 May 2008 , 8:15pm
post #5 of 16

I am so sad for your friends. It is an abomination for a parent to have to bury a child.

mbelgard Posted 13 May 2008 , 9:06pm
post #6 of 16

Be willing to talk about their daughter with them but don't push it if they seem to not want to because everyone reacts differently. I know that when my BIL died a few years ago my FIL didn't talk about him much for a long time and my MIL seemed to need to. My MIL goes and takes care of the grave while I don't think my FIL or husband have been over there more than 2 times each in almost five years and to this day my MIL's the one who talks about him the most.

The big thing is to be there for your friend. Burying your child is probably one of the worst things a person would ever have to do.

The weeks after the funeral might be harder than the first days were too, my MIL said that they were for her because the funeral stuff kept her occupied and numb.

michellenj Posted 13 May 2008 , 10:54pm
post #7 of 16

That is so sad, I am so sorry! How did the child die? I can't imagine having to go through something like that.

SueW Posted 15 May 2008 , 12:06am
post #8 of 16

I am so sad reading this, what a tragedy! These poor parents. Maybe you can send over some meals for them once people clear out and go home? I am sure they won't want to deal with thinking about meals. Oh I am so sorry I will keep them in my prayers.

NrsL22 Posted 15 May 2008 , 1:55am
post #9 of 16

I have lost a child.Its the hardest thing you can ever imagine and then a whole lot more.I can't put into words how devstating it is. The best thing you can do is just to be there for your friend. Yes the weeks after are very hard, but then comes the part where it starts really sink in, and sometimes you feel like no one understands. I still grieve for my daughter, and always will. Just let your friend that you are there, but be there when she needs you also. My daughter died when she was 3 years old in a car accident. She would be 24 now. My prayers are with the family.

KHalstead Posted 15 May 2008 , 11:56am
post #10 of 16

I lost a child too.......and my marriage ended because my DH wouldn't talk about our son and he wouldn't let ME talk about our son. If they want to talk about her.......just listen............that was the best gift my best friend ever gave me was allowing me to talk about my son keeping his memory alive even if he wasn't anymore!! Also like SueW said..........definitely make them up some casserolles or something (maybe you can get the whole team involved and everyone make a dish) something they can freeze and then pop in the oven......they will NOT be thinking about food!! They will probably not be thinking about anything else!! If this is not their only child.........keep in close contact with them........see if they need a break from the other kid/s, they may not want the other kids out of their sight......but just make sure they are ok and functioning. I don't remember the entire YEAR after my son died, I had a job...I went to school....I don't remember ONE single day of that whole year. I was in a daze!! I will also pray for the might also see if they'd go to counseling......go with them if that's what they need! They are going to need a ton of support right now from anyone who'll offer it!

tenleysmommy Posted 15 May 2008 , 12:33pm
post #11 of 16

I have not been able to sign on to the site!I am sorry I have not posted my biggest thanks to the advice and stories.I am so very sorry KHalstead and NrsL22 for your loses,I will keep you in my prayers!I have made many meals and I am also helping raise money for them.Her father lost her job 2 weeks ago and therefor lost all thier insurance.They did not think of having life insurance on her,because who ever thinks they will lose a child.She died from a ATV accident,she was riding one that was meant for a grown man.People are now saying they should have charges against them for letting her ride it,With no helmet!But I think this is bigger punishment than some fine or jail!Thank you again for your kind words and prayers.

mbelgard Posted 15 May 2008 , 4:27pm
post #12 of 16
Originally Posted by tenleysmommy

She died from a ATV accident,she was riding one that was meant for a grown man.People are now saying they should have charges against them for letting her ride it,With no helmet!But I think this is bigger punishment than some fine or jail!

That's a horrible way to lose your child, I hope they have a good circle of friends that will stick with them because they're going to have a terrible time with this whether they get charged or not. I'd imagine the guilt would be horrible and serving jail time or not it's what's going to be the real punishment.

Did the ATV belong to the parents or someone else? I'm just wondering if it was something that they weren't aware of how powerful it was or what. I have a 700 polaris and would never let my 9 year old drive it no matter what he was wearing. That would also make a difference in WHY she wasn't wearing a helmet (not that I think there is any real excuse).

tenleysmommy Posted 15 May 2008 , 5:59pm
post #13 of 16

It did belong to them and she rode it all the time.From what others have said she experienced.The helmet would not have matter she fell of and the 4-wheeler fell on top of her.It was a horrible accident that I believe could have been avoided,but nothing will bring her back.I have just gotten off the phone with a friend who said they will not be charged.I am very happy for that.I hope that others can take this as a lesson in not letting children ride something they can not handle.

KHalstead Posted 16 May 2008 , 11:14pm
post #14 of 16

wow, how awefull for them.........losing her is bad enough but to lose her so tragically! I feel really bad for them and all they're going through.

diane Posted 17 May 2008 , 1:46am
post #15 of 16

that's terrible! icon_eek.gificon_cry.gif that's the hardest thing for a person to go through.
it's going to be a long time before they will stop hurting. icon_redface.gif just be there for them. thumbs_up.gif i'm so sorry to hear this. icon_redface.gif

MollyBea Posted 29 May 2008 , 3:26am
post #16 of 16

Your friend will be in my families' prayers. I also lost a child and the pain cannot be described. My son was 5 mo. and died from SIDS. He would be 4 yr. old now. I think the main thing that got me through was that I a huge support system. My family (including my Church family) and friends were there for me big time. I thank God for them. Just be there for her even if it's just for her to cry. Sometimes justing getting a good cry out of my system would help me make it through the day. And I am blessed because I had my other kids there to keep me busy. One of the Mother's of my church said something to me on the morning that he passed and it has stucked with me since. At first I was angry and thought how dare she say something like that after I just lost my child, but now I am grateful for every word that she said. She said, "Your son was not yours to have. You were only borrowing him and now God wants him back. If you are mad at God them tell him so, because He is your Father and you can talk to Him about anything. But you cannot shut down and fall apart because you have a husband and other children that are looking to you for love and support. No one is telling you not to cry. Cry because it is normal and healthy, but you can't fall to pieces. Life goes on and it will get easier to deal with. But in the meantime talk to God and pray with your husband and He will guide you through."
Sorry this was so long

Quote by @%username% on %date%