Is This A Bad Idea?

Lounge By MystiqueFire Updated 23 May 2008 , 2:18am by duckduck

MystiqueFire Posted 12 May 2008 , 2:31am
post #1 of 21

My brother is getting married in a few weeks and I'm a little concerned about my gift... I bought them a crazy expensive bedding set for their bridal shower (it was $200 but it was exactly what they wanted) and I'm doing their cookie favors for free. I was thinking for their wedding since I've spent a bazillion dollars I would do up a scrapbook of their wedding, with pictures of the bridal shower and the bachelorette party, the rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself.. It's pretty inexpensive since I have most of the stuff already, and I've spent about $1000 already between the gifts and the favors and the dress and everything. But my question is, is that too corny? My brother has high hopes for cash at the wedding and he's not really sentimental about that stuff, but his fiancee is and I know she'd appreciate it. And I certainly dont want to offend them if I give $50!

What do you guys think? Bad idea? Should I go with cash instead?



20 replies
indydebi Posted 12 May 2008 , 3:28am
post #2 of 21

It depends on the recipient, really. For example, I'm not a sentimental person in that regard, (and I really hate "scrapbooking" anything! icon_mad.gif ), so while I would appreciate the time and effort someone went to on a gift like that, it's the kind of gift that, at my house, would end up in the back of the closet, buried in a box of stuff that my kids would find after I died. icon_lol.gif

My collection of "sentimental keepsakes", for a 50 year lifetime, fit nice and neat in a single shoebox.

It sounds like you have two totally different people ..... and a wedding gift should be a gift to the both of them. This gift sounds like it would be a great gift just for the bride.

If you opt to go another route for the wedding, maybe this is the kind of gift she might like on her birthday?

dinas27 Posted 12 May 2008 , 3:32pm
post #3 of 21

I think that your gift should be whatever you want to give.

You have already given them a beautiful shower gift and a heck of a lot of time and money (favors etc). You have saved them a PILE of money and a lot of work to make their plannign less stressful. If your brother has an opinion on what you give him for a wedding gift after all that he is the one with the gimme gimme issues and you should not be worried about what he thinks.

I would never want someone to go beyond their means to give me a gift - some of the best gifts I recieved from my wedding were a bride's keepsake box hand painted by my husbands aunt and a beautiful painting of my husband and I by my future SIL even though I dont like a lot of sentimental stuff either!

If you do decide to go with the scrapbook idea try to get pictures of the stag (if they are tame enough!) and of him getting ready as well that way its not just about her. You can always give them a really nice 1st anniversary gift in a year if you want, something that would be really appreciated instead of lost in the hupplah.

MystiqueFire Posted 13 May 2008 , 1:04am
post #4 of 21

Hmm... two totally different answers!

Here's my thinking, I really meant for my gift to be the cookies since I've spent about $300 on them with supplies, not including the time its taking me to make each gumpaste flower and actually making them.. But I know my brother, he likes to open things and he likes money. Technically I gave him $300 because he's not paying for favors... BUT I dont want to be a cheap-o and not give him a gift... But I feel if I give him cash It'll be about $50 and he'll think I'm a cheap-o because he forgets I'm doing the favors. icon_confused.gif

I thought about a scrapbook because they're both picture fanatics... I can't tell you how many pictures of their cats they have... and she's sentimental and like I said, he likes money, but I'm afraid if I give him money he'll blow it on baseball cards or something, because he's like that.. and I really dont have any ideas for a little something... Unless someone can help me in that area.

Although, Indydebi, that could be a good idea for her birthday. And dinas, that's true about stag pictures. Decisions! icon_cry.gif

Thanks for the posts, btw

VannaD Posted 13 May 2008 , 5:11pm
post #5 of 21

i dont see anthing wrong with giving nothing if youre already doing the cookies,im sure youre already putting more into that gift than anyone else is putting into their gifts. If its a big weding i really wouldnt worry b/c if they have tons of people there, they probably wont notice not getting a gift from you. Im not usually a cheap person, and love to spend lots of money on gifts, but next month Im making my SIL's grooms cake, for free. Thats going to be my gift to them, after all the time and money ill be spending i dont think shell expect anything else, mostly b/c im saving her money by doing it. I got kinda off the point, but my point is I would give them their cookies and not worry about it, and if your bro ever says anything, explain to him the time and money you put into their gift (cookies) not to mention the bedset.

lisad1 Posted 15 May 2008 , 9:45am
post #6 of 21

I think you've done enough MystiqueFire!! There has to be limits, you've done plenty already!! You alone are not responsible for making your brother's wedding memorable, there are other guests... You've bought them bedding, and will have spent a lot of time and money on the favors, that is enough. I tend to be overly generous, and I wouldn't want my sibling to do more than that! I do a little scrapbooking, and it's an expensive hobby. Making a scrapbook up for them is a nice personal gesture, but by no means is that cheap. It could easily cost you another $200 or $ adds up quickly! I would just take your brother and his fiance aside beforehand, and say, that the favors cost a lot to make and that is your gift to them.
It really is enough!!

MystiqueFire Posted 15 May 2008 , 4:32pm
post #7 of 21

Thanks for everyone's responses! I really appreciate them! I didn't realize that scrapbooks cost THAT much. I know I have a few things here but not enough for a full scrapbook. Hmm... I'm starting to think the favors are enough. I did a dummy today to show them and it was ridiculously time consuming so I would assume after I'm done with them I will feel that was enough.


lisad1 Posted 15 May 2008 , 7:19pm
post #8 of 21

Yes, scrapbooking can be a little expensive. It all depends on how much you like to embellish! The first time I went into a scrapbook store I was shocked that a scrapbook, extra pages and sleeves, tape, glue and several decorative pages, labels and stickers was almost $500. Obviously, if you go into a store a little more focused it's not as bad, but it can still be pretty steep.

I think your brother will be appreciative of all that you have done for him
anyway!! icon_wink.gif

TheDomesticDiva Posted 20 May 2008 , 11:42pm
post #9 of 21

I didnt realize that you were supposed to give another gift at the wedding if you gave one for the shower??? ...I think something like a picture frame wrapped nicely would be fine!! I also like the idea of the scrapbook, especially if you already know that she'd enjoy it.

indydebi Posted 20 May 2008 , 11:46pm
post #10 of 21
Originally Posted by LadyDZA

I didnt realize that you were supposed to give another gift at the wedding if you gave one for the shower???

I had a friend who practiced this ... a gift at the shower meant she bought nothing for the wedding. I was appalled when I heard this because it was the first time I'd ever heard of anyone doing this.... and I was in my late twenties when I knew this lady. It may be just how each person or each family practices it .... but when I was growing up, if you were invited to the shower and wedding, then you bought two gifts. If you couldn't afford two gifts, then you didnt' go to one of the events. But you didnt' show up empty handed.

MystiqueFire Posted 20 May 2008 , 11:53pm
post #11 of 21

Well I decided to start a small one, and it's a good thing because I've already dropped $40 on it. I know it's a little over the top but I wanted to do it anyway. My SIL asked me to do one with her afterwards the other night anyways so it seems like a good head start.

Technically I dont think you are obligated to get them a second gift, but I know it's traditional in my family, and the other italian families of my friends, but I dont know if it's common in American weddings.

I tried to put in some pictures of the boys and their photos and am trying to get a bunch of the guys to bring their cameras so all the shots wont be so "feminine".


TheDomesticDiva Posted 20 May 2008 , 11:56pm
post #12 of 21

Hmm. It might just be this area then, everyone I know only gives a gift at the wedding shower. I've never heard of giving two gifts! Oops! If you cant make it to the shower, then you take something to the wedding. I'd have been shocked if someone gave us two gifts!! My husbands family is Italian, and if they knew you were expected to bring two gifts for the couple, then they'd think they were being greedy just trying to get gifts!! .....Course, now it's totally different if it's just a bridal lingerie shower, THEN you give a gift at the wedding for the couple, like housewares or something from the registry.

indydebi Posted 20 May 2008 , 11:58pm
post #13 of 21

Lady DZA, I'd sure like to figure out how to get this tradition started in my family's circle! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

MystiqueFire Posted 21 May 2008 , 12:01am
post #14 of 21
Originally Posted by indydebi

Originally Posted by LadyDZA

I didnt realize that you were supposed to give another gift at the wedding if you gave one for the shower???

If you couldn't afford two gifts, then you didnt' go to one of the events. But you didnt' show up empty handed.

Same here.


Auryn Posted 21 May 2008 , 10:38am
post #15 of 21

no offense to anyone here
but I think its absolutely ridiculous that people expect and demand gifts.
That is beyond rude.

A wedding (shower, birthday party etc) isn't supposed to be the couple's way of making out with gifts.

I was also alway raised to never show up at a party empty handed, but if someone were to demand that I bring a gift, I would be beyond insulted.

If he says something to you about not bringing another gift, I would make sure you give him an itemized invoice with every cost- including time- for the favors that you made.

Do people really expect that if you can't spend a lot of money on a gift then you are not worthy of attending the function?? If thats how people feel than I rather not be friends with people like that because I was obviously not invited because they enjoy my company, rather because they could get a gift out of me.

And I am Italian- raised there and 70% of my family still lives there, and I've been to several weddings there.

MichelleM77 Posted 21 May 2008 , 12:29pm
post #16 of 21

Here's my thing about scrapbooks. I LOVE to scrapbook, so if someone else made one for me, then I would love it to death, but I would have wanted to do it myself. Does that make sense? I guess it depends on your brother's finacee? Is she a scrapbooker? If yes, then maybe a kit of supplies to make a scrapbook would be nice.

If you bought them a gift for the shower and you are doing the wedding favors as a gift, then I think you are more than covered and you don't need to do anything else unless you would like to. You are going to burn yourself out and regret the whole wedding day!

MystiqueFire Posted 21 May 2008 , 1:49pm
post #17 of 21

Auryn, I know exactly what you mean. My aunts said I've done enough, and you're right, it IS insulting if they are expecting a gift. What part of Italy are you from?

They haven't actually come out and SAID they wanted a gift, but I know my brother. I can only hope he has enough sense to recognize how much I've done when the wedding comes.

MichelleM, that's a good idea about giving the scrapbook supplies. (Silly me, why didn't I think of that?!) I bought a couple things and a book and it's at least a nice thing to get them started. She's never scrapbooked before but now that I think of it, it might be a cute thing to get them both involved, and relive their wedding day every time they cut and paste.


Auryn Posted 21 May 2008 , 2:00pm
post #18 of 21


brothers can be a pain in the butt- I know I have one.
Don't stress yourself out, you've done more than enough.

I'm from Bergamo, its in northern Italy near Milan.

Is the future wife the artsy crafty type?? if she is then she'll love the supplies, if she isn't she might have no idea what to do with them.

Either way your a great sister.

MystiqueFire Posted 21 May 2008 , 2:05pm
post #19 of 21

I'm from Ischia. And yes, she is the artsy craftsy type.

"Either way your a great sister."
Thanks, I appreciate it!


pastryjen Posted 21 May 2008 , 5:03pm
post #20 of 21

I think the cookies are more than enough. Perhaps, in a really nice card you could put something in it about how honoured you were to be able to give them the gift of cookies and that the love you baked into them will also be in their marriage. Sorry, I'm not good with words but I hope you get the idea. This way, your brother can still open something and you will not be worried because you have reminded him of your gift.

duckduck Posted 23 May 2008 , 2:18am
post #21 of 21

A wedding scrapbook is NOT cheap. Even if you have all the stuff, at one time or another you did pay for it all. And it's not a cheap habit. I did one for friends when we did a weekend in Vegas and had it ready for them as they left town to go visit family that weren't there in Vegas. It started out as a "cheap" gift and didn't end that way by the time I got everything into it. By the time I got carried away adding a little of this and that and paid to develope the pictures, it got a lot spendier than I had planned. So totally worth it though. It is a handmade gift basically. I couldn't have just gone out and bought anything nicer in their eyes. You also have to consider the time that goes into it. It's more personal. But I do agree with everyone else that if you're doing the cookies and have already given them the bedding, you've done more than enough.

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