How Many More Can We Afford To Lose?

Lounge By wgoat5 Updated 9 May 2008 , 4:40pm by imaginecakes

wgoat5 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 11:30am
post #1 of 149

I just posted on a topic and it made me think.

Do you all realize how many great decorators we have lost due to what seems to be heated arguments and what not? I have definately noticed...

Yes you can teach yourself and read... but it is sooo much better when we have these gracious people to help us...

I just wondered if anybody else has noticed this.

Sad icon_sad.gif

148 replies
snowshoe1 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 12:26pm
post #2 of 149

Yes - I'm missing a few of them that gave me great advice!

My mother always told me the only thing I should take personally are compliments! Maybe we all need to think this way, allow everyone to express opinions, and ignore rude posts. This is supposed to be fun. icon_wink.gif

AJsGirl Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 12:55pm
post #3 of 149

Yeah, I've noticed. I think it's a combination of several things. First, I think it is the people who say nasty things that hurt others' feelings, and don't really care. Then, there are the people who are just stating opinion, not necessarily directed at one particular person, and someone gets offended or hurt. The other side, too, is that some people take things too personally, and are very quick to say, "I'm leaving!" instead of talking or working it out. tapedshut.gif

Sometimes, you just need to close the thread, and move on. icon_rolleyes.gif

We're all in this together! It would be boring if we all thought and acted the same way. thumbs_up.gif

mommicakes Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 12:55pm
post #4 of 149
Originally Posted by snowshoe1

Yes - I'm missing a few of them that gave me great advice!

My mother always told me the only thing I should take personally are compliments! Maybe we all need to think this way, allow everyone to express opinions, and ignore rude posts. This is supposed to be fun. icon_wink.gif

HERE !! HERE !!!! thumbs_up.gif I agree!!!

Kiddiekakes Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:18pm
post #5 of 149

Yes..I have noticed as well but if they choose to leave there isn't much we can do about it!! I do miss the great knowledge though....

jl5949 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:18pm
post #6 of 149

Question, did we lose people because of nasty comments? I don't think I've seen may of those on this site... or did we lose people because the site keeps crashing? Just a thought.

MacsMom Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:21pm
post #7 of 149

But where are they going to go where nobody expresses their opinion? Some people struggle with how to be tactful, but those people can be found all over the world - and across other forums.

CC has 3,307 members and growing. With such a large pool of cakers, of course you are likely to stumble upon a few who can't seem to remain cordial when there is only a computer screen between them.

I can't imagine leaving a place where everyone has taught me so much and continues to be the best source of info about cake decorating I've ever found.

vickymacd Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:33pm
post #8 of 149

I agree with jl5949 wondering WHY they are leaving.

I also think that writing is so much different that saying something and that's why heated conversations take place. Some take things wrong when it's written and not spoken, as this HAS happened to me even when I tried to explain what I meant.

I still love this site, even when it's down, and will stay on. Of course, I'm no authority on anything, but love all the friendships and tips!

CelebrationCakery Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:39pm
post #9 of 149

I have noticed. The unfortunate thing is that at times some of the posts are quite uncalled for...I mean really do we have to be nasty ever??? Most of us don't even know each other...what makes us think anyone anywhere would want to hear some of the mean, rude and inconsiderate things we see on some of these threads. Realistically, yes, the world is made of so many different people with many things to offer to the world but why do we need to be inconsiderate of others? There really is no need for that. If someone asks for an opinon then give that but other than that if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything...we all already have plenty of issues and ordeals, we don't need to get onto the internet with people we consider "friends" and have bitter conversations... (I am sitting here hoping this is not the spark that lights the fire)

Mommaskip Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:43pm
post #10 of 149

i completely agree with everyone. everyone on this website is here to share their talent, develop talent or ask for help. i just cant seem to understand why we have to take something so simple as cake decorating and make drama out of it.

paolacaracas Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:46pm
post #11 of 149

I've only know about Sherley living, who else?

DDiva Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:49pm
post #12 of 149

I've been in this business for 10 years...first home based, but currently in a shop. I have been fortunate to have progressed in this way because I've learned a lot. Hopefully, I will be moving into a larger shop in the next two months. I will be able to have a full decorating supply shop and a larger classroom area. I will also offer online shopping.

I don't post very often because it seems that if say anything that can be construed as critical, you will be attacked. As an instructor it is my nature to look at our work from a different viewpoint. I know the value of praise and encouragement (believe me), but you don't learn anything if no one ever points out areas that need improvement.

When someone asks for opinions, I think they mean that. But it seems most want praise more than anything else. I applaud everyone's efforts...we all were beginners at one time. I hope to never stop learning and improving (my husband has no problem telling me when a cake needs a little something extra).

I think that until we can stop wearing our hearts on our sleeves, most of these forums will always be love fests.

wgoat5 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:56pm
post #13 of 149

I am sooo glad you all posted...

I just feel so sad when I see sooo many great people get into tiffs over stuff that is sooo trivial icon_sad.gif

I love CC and I hate seeing people get their feelings hurt... AND I hate to see people have to defend themselves... I just wish it was a perfect world I guess... where we could all just be helpful and respectful all the time... regardless..

Tellis12 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:56pm
post #14 of 149

I think that most of the time people on this site are nice, but I have seen some things get really nasty. I personally don't think I'd be willing to totally leave just because of something someone said; this site is too valuable to me.

I do think that people are a bit too sensitive but sometimes the criticism is personal, rather than constructive. The way I see it, you post something on here where thousands of people can see it, someone is bound do not like or disagree with you. Oh well. We should try to be kind though. It can't hurt us.

cakebaker1957 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 1:59pm
post #15 of 149

DDivia where in Nc are you , sometimes me and DH take a fun day and go to Nc , i would love to see your shop im not in business yet dont know if i plan to be or not so much red tape, i just do birthday cakes for family and friends and sometimes i will get asked to do a wedding cake, i have one in May that im helping my friend to do her daughter is getting married and to save money she wants us to do her cake, do you sell supplies ??/

kellygray79 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:01pm
post #16 of 149

I've never noticed nasty posts - wow! I am totally shocked. I hate to hear that people may be leaving because of comments made on here. How long can they stay away though? Where else can you go to find so much information and help!?!!

SweetResults Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:06pm
post #17 of 149

Sorry - my feeling is that if they leave because someone "hurt their feelings" then they are only hurting themselves.

A post can only get nasty if at least 2 people let it, just close the post.

Melvira Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:07pm
post #18 of 149

I can tell you I've considered leaving on a few occasions but this was a little while back. It seems when a decorator gains a little bit of notoriety, there is a small percentage of people who will not like that and start to lash out at them. Find any way possible to pull them down. Then I thought about it and realized that a handful of jerks is not enough to steer me away from a normally fantastic community. So I ignore them and move on.

While I agree that we should be able to be honest with each other about things, I also find that some people are just outright rude and cruel, but unfortunately, may not even realize it. Some people lack something I like to call TACT. Some people just think that they are always right, and that no one has the right to tell them differently.

Shirley was always a sweetie to me, and I hope that she'll take a sabbatical and return, but if not, I'm hoping I'll bump into her somewhere else down the road!

One other thing to consider (and this happened to me with regards to Shirley) sometimes people make comments in a thread without realizing there is another thread going on that could be 'linked' to it. I made a comment in a thread similar to this one stating that people needed to chill out or get a thicker skin or something of that nature, then found out that the thread may or may not have been specifically speaking about Shirley. It made me feel like a sh*theel to be certain. So... please consider that sometimes a person isn't trying to be an @ss, they may just not be aware that there is more to a story! I hope the majority of people know it is not my intention to tear anyone down. (Except one time in a great PMS rage when I made one comment to someone who was coming off as a total hooch... regrettable, but 100% my fault.) icon_redface.gif

c420 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:08pm
post #19 of 149

I feel lucky icon_biggrin.gif I haven't experienced any of these nasty postings! I am not sure everyone stops coming to the site for the same reasons. I'm sure some are for that reason but many people that I talk to outside of CC, who know about it, have stopped because of crashes/slowness/clicking etc. I don't think they were necessarily part of any negative posts, but then again I don't really know!
Either way, I have only had or witnessed good experineces and will continue to LOVE icon_biggrin.gif CC !

OhMyGoodies Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:12pm
post #20 of 149

I know of a few people that were a great asset to all caker's that have either left willingly or been kicked out for something to do with their words.

One friend of mine got kicked out for speaking her mind... freedom of speech means nothing apparently.

One friend left the other day because someone insulted her and the forum mods allowed the thread to go way beyond it should've with alot of bad stuff being said. Alot of peoples feelings were hurt with the way things were said in that particular thread and yes everyone was at fault but it seems it was allowed to happen until a certain someone spoke their opinion and then it was "enough" and needed to be locked....

Thinking maybe if everyone were to think about their words before typing them, we wouldn't lose so many great members. Or if we were allowed to edit our posts afterwards after we've calmed down no one else would get heated.... (Currently we can't edit a post after 5 replies to said post)

Just my opinion icon_smile.gif

CelebrationCakery Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:15pm
post #21 of 149

I personally love constructive crticism and welcome it anytime, I have learned so much here on CC but regarding my post above, I just want anyone reading this to understand that I was speaking of the times when people really get personal and hurtful to people they do not even just does not have a place in anyone's life.

I look so forward to all of the things I can learn from all of you, I hate when I read a post and feel hurt myself even though I didn't even have any part of it. I just always put myself in someone else's shoes...sometimes it is uncomfortable. Heck I had a post once that was for ideas for a cake and someone turned it into a political issue...I just needed agenda...just ideas for a cake.

wgoat5 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:32pm
post #22 of 149

That is what I am talking about...

Opinions are great... even friendly disagreements are ok... but why some of the nasty comments.. that leaves me wondering..

With all that is happening in this world we should be able to talk cakes without a all out war starting... right?

I know that if my mom were to come on here and seen some of the stuff she wouldn't be back...

is it because someone needs to grow a thicker skin? In my opinion no... does it mean that maybe she has feelings and a conscience? Probably so...

I was always told.. that if someone says something nasty to you you will ALWAYS remember that... if they say something sweet to you the next week.. yep ya guessed it.. probably gonna forget it.. and you know what? For me that is very true... I remember some specific comments made that were very hurtful... were they directed at me? No.. but they were directed at someone else... There is ALWAYS a tactful way to express yourself.. and with the world like it is why not TRY to convey your opinion in a polite way? That way we don't have to deal with WAR on this beautiful site!

I love this site... but sometimes feel discouraged...

Texas_Rose Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 2:39pm
post #23 of 149

The reason some forums don't allow unlimited editing is that sometimes a post is key to a thread, and if it's gone, then anyone's post after that doesn't make any sense.

I've seen it many times on many different kinds of forums...from time to time people will start arguing, some will take it really personally, and some leave. There are some people who seem to go out of their way to be offensive, and to argue with everything, even if they contradict themselves from post to post. I've only seen one person like that on this forum, which is kind of amazing. I've learned just to laugh and not be tempted to argue back, for example when someone said it was immoral to use a certain ingredient because of the diet of .02% of the country.

Moderators and administrators on any forum are kind of limited in what they can do...if you lock a thread after one person has said their piece and before the others get to, then you get accused of censoring and not allowing free speech...and at the same time, you have other people accusing you of not doing enough, or not doing it fast enough. Or at least that's been my experience on other forums icon_biggrin.gif

It's sad when someone leaves...but a good rule of thumb when you get really into a forum is to make sure you have another way to contact your friends (myspace, msn, email, etc) in case they leave the forum or the forum goes down forever, or something like that.

indydebi Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 10:17pm
post #24 of 149

I know some have left because of personal conflict, be it their choice or CC's choice to ask them to leave. But we cannot assume everyone left due to negative circumstances. As with many people who make an impact in our life, they come and go and hopefully we are thankful for blessed by the short time they mingle in our life, even if for a short time. Maybe some left to take a break, maybe things came up in their life that diminishes their time on here, maybe they are just caked out, maybe they just developed a new interest ... or maybe they weren't just addicted as bad as the rest of us! icon_lol.gif

But I don't think we should leave the impression that "everyone" who has left, left due to negative circumstances. We just don't know that's the case.

wgoat5 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 10:19pm
post #25 of 149

oh your sooo right Debi ... but I just want to remember all those who were here.. and remember.. that even be that the case we can all be civil to one another... icon_biggrin.gif

homemaluhia Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 10:32pm
post #26 of 149

I too, have been helped so much by many of those who have chosen to leave. And losing their expertise and gentle wisdom is sad.

"Tell the truth in love, don't love to tell the truth."

OhMyGoodies Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 10:47pm
post #27 of 149

I'll have to admit if Debi or Mel ever left... I'd OD on powdered sugar and butter cream icon_cry.gif

lu9129 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 10:52pm
post #28 of 149

Yep Melvira,

I had to eat crow the other day. PMS, my mom's buriel and outflat p----ed at the world. I blew off at someone, and had no reason to and she difinately did not deserve it!!!! Thank God we were abe to smooth everything out and hopefully I have a new cake friend.

My new rule: If I am PMSing and having a bad day,
stay off CC as far as making comments! lol. I can come back when (as my husband puts it) my Linda Blair moments are over!!! lol (From the Exorcist).


indydebi Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 11:06pm
post #29 of 149
Originally Posted by lu9129

Yep Melvira,

I had to eat crow the other day. PMS, my mom's buriel and outflat p----ed at the world. I blew off at someone, and had no reason to and she difinately did not deserve it!!!! Thank God we were abe to smooth everything out and hopefully I have a new cake friend.

I did that too on another site. I was having a personal issue that had me so very enraged. Instead of dealing with it, I tried to escape to the invisible land of internet and cyberspace .... then something struck me wrong and I lashed out something terrible. If I had read my remarks from someone else, I would have been the first to go down their throat about how out of line that person was. Fortunately, these folks were "kind" enough icon_rolleyes.gif to let me have it and it knocked a bit of reality into me. I apologized so profusely and I still feel bad about it to this day.

Just letting you know you're not alone! It happens. thumbs_up.gif

lu9129 Posted 16 Apr 2008 , 11:16pm
post #30 of 149


I know what you mean. I still could just puke everytime I think about it. It is so out of character for me, but like you said, reality check. I'll never do it again!


P.S. Thank you!!!!

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