New Business Finally But Closed Because Too Demanding

Business By Mnhreams Updated 10 Apr 2008 , 11:35pm by loriemoms

Mnhreams Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:42pm
post #1 of 40

I finally got my business going after many years. mainly it was restaurant based and cakes were on the side. everything was going very well and business was good. The downside was it was too hard on my children. I have three 14, 7, and 3 and they were troopers but they missed their mother. I was only open four months and had to give up my dream of having a cake shop and bakery for now I guess. They are more important. I guess the reason I write is because I know there are lots of mothers out there who want to do this or are already doing it. I have much respect for you but it just didn't work out for me. Hopefully I will be able to retry in a few years. The good side is a made alot of mistakes and know what to do in the future. I am sad and feel guilty that I appear as a failure and I need to vent. Thanks.

39 replies
uschi1 Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:48pm
post #2 of 40

Good for you!
Cakes can wait and you can continue to do some on the side, but once your children are grown - that's it! No going back, and that's why they need to come first. They're lucky to have you!

Amia Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:49pm
post #3 of 40

Choosing to be a full-time mom and putting your career on hold does not, in any way, make you a failure. I can sympathize though. I've had to put my college career on hold for my two children and I feel like I'll never get back in to school and finish. If staying with your kids is the right choice for you, then you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. What is right for one, may not be right for another. Kudos to you for having the courage to put your dream on hold and close your business. thumbs_up.gif

sweetiemama Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:49pm
post #4 of 40

Thank you for sharing your experience! I know you made a difficult choice, but I am sure you have helped many people here before they venture out. The kids are definetely more important!! Congratulations for choosing your family! icon_smile.gif

Lenette Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:51pm
post #5 of 40

Sending you a big HUG!!

You made the best decision for your family and you are NOT a failure. Please don't feel that way. Who cares what the world thinks!!! You chose to put your kids feeling first and that is a good thing.
We (as mother's) have a responsibility to our children. I am sorry that it didn't work out for you. I wish you all the best. Please don't give up your dream completely, hopefully you can re-open bigger and better in coming years. We are moms but we are also people with our own aspirations so keep plugging at it, learning all you can. When the doors open for you, you will be ready. And your children will be happy too! Can't beat that, right!!??


Doug Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 8:55pm
post #6 of 40

that hand that rocks the cradle, influences the future of the world.....

never, ever underestimate the true value of being a full-time is THE Oldest and most noble of professions!

tough choice -- but in the long run may it bring you much happiness and joy

(ps -- hmm...a built in future work force for that bakery!!!)

vickymacd Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:03pm
post #7 of 40

OMG, do NOT think you are a failure!! This is coming from me, a mom of 7 who has struggled to make ends meet, just to be with my kids. Now my kids are 28 down through 13, and my husband passed away in February. Now I must work part time, but will NEVER regret the times I've had with my kids!!
Have to tell you a short story: when my oldest was on flags with the H.S. band, I would go to EVERY football game to watch the flag girls and videotape THE SAME ROUTINES WEEK AFTER WEEK. My daughter always would roll her eyes at me until one day a girl came up to her and said "Every week your mom is in the stands, watching and videotaping us as though this was the first time she's seen us and she is so proud of all of us after each game. Seeing your mom in the stands makes me know everything is alright. I wish I had your mom".
My daughter never rolled her eyes again!
And with each one of my kids I've been the band aid mom; hot chocolate mom; the tissue mom; and basically, the mom that shows up to cheer and volunteer for everything. All these kids know they can count on me and even though I could be out there making a million bucks, I wouldn't trade one of their hugs for a million bucks! And every last one of them was there to hug me when my husband passed.
So, you may seem like a failure to YOURSELF, but to your kids you are a success!!

terri76 Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:10pm
post #8 of 40

I really admire you for what you did. I'm a stay at home mom also and many times I start thinking and talking to my husband about opening a bakery. That is my life long dream and goal, but I know that my kids and husband come first and there is no way I could have my bakery without it affecting them the hardest. So, like you, my dream waits so they can have their time to grow up (my hubby included icon_wink.gif ).

I really applaud you and I know your kids will someday see what you did for them and really appreciate and admire you for it. thumbs_up.gif

God Bless!!

cheflish Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:16pm
post #9 of 40

This is something my DH and I discussed just two nights ago. I would love to open a coffee shop/bakery and do specialty orders as well ... (or would I??? icon_biggrin.gif). But the discussion always ends with me wanting to be here for my son. I would not trade all the sleepy, peanut butter kisses and playdoh hugs for anything in the world. But - I know I am extremely lucky...

Good for you - making the decision that you have made.... I hope it gives you peace. You are not a failure for DECIDING to close for now - you have a dream - for yourself and for your family...and I wish you all the best!!!

I support moms and dads that stay home, and I support those that work. Neither decision is easy...

Blessings to all!

TheButterWench Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:16pm
post #10 of 40

I hope that you don't come to regret your decisions even though being at home full time is the more rewarding of the 2.

If you could've cut down on the restaurant side of your business would you have still been able to make some income with less sacrifice?

I too did what I did on the side for free for years, that's how I got into doing what I do.

I had cupcakes and cookies for all the kids classes and never took a dime, was there for the cub scouts , girl scouts, band, choir, Karate, soccer, football, drama club, dance class, flag twirling, baton, and cheerleading with cupcakes cookies and such.

All the kids knew me as the CAKE LADY. tee hee.

I to am still an embarassment to my son. I'm always offering to make him stuff to take to school, but he doesn't want to.

Waz up wid dat? lol

aundrea Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:29pm
post #11 of 40

i applaud you! and you have made a tough decision. but one that will reward you many times more than owning a business right now.
the time will come when you can fulfill your dreams. much sooner than later.
its a tough - we all know that when we decide to become parents we will give up some things. but thats the decisions we make.
you can definately keep practing your skills and learn from your experiences.
when the time is right you'll know it.
failure??? never, you are a mom! and a great mom to put her dream on hold so you can tend to your kids.
KUDDOS to you!

susanscakebabies Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:32pm
post #12 of 40

You know I know exactly how you feel. I have not quit bc I was afraid I would be labeled a failure. It is a very hard thing to juggle. I kinda wish I was as brave as you to be able to make that decision. I am fighting on bc I know how my family(mom & brothers) will judge me. So kudos to you for making that hard choice!! And you know what if it is meant to be in a few years I am a firm believer that it will happen for you. Dont beat yourself up. It just wasnt the time right now.
You know you will be your kids idol no matter what you do and ultimately that is what is the great thing. To me they are all that matters most of the time, when I am not fighting with my pride. icon_wink.gif
Hang in there, this is your path, not your failure.

playingwithsugar Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:40pm
post #13 of 40

I can empathize. I went through this, when thoughts of returning to college ran through my head.

My son was only 5 at the time, and I went to school at night, as I worked during the day. It was only two days per week, but those two days really put a damper on our relationship after a while. It got so he would not listen to me anymore. I put things on hold until he graduated high school, and have no regrets about it.

Believe it or not, you are making the right decision for you. There are times when I am sad that my son was at the sitter's when he took his first step and got potty trained. I wish I had been able to give him more of my time, but it was just him and me, and one of us had to work.

Time goes fast as they are growing up, so enjoy your children while you can. If the goal is meant to be, it will be yours.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

kendi25 Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:41pm
post #14 of 40

Please ....NEVER consider yourself a failure..... NEVER do that!!!! I commend you that you had the courage to put your most valuable possession - kids first. A lot of people do not even know what is important to them.... money/ kids. You are a true MOM, and, someday, you and the kids can smile and look back at now... who knows, maybe you all will all be doing cakes together. They will love it and want to do it cause it did not take MOM away, but MOM sacrificed her dreams for me. We only know what was, what is.... but we will never know what will be.

I do not know you, but I love you....
Kendi icon_smile.gif

littlecake Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:42pm
post #15 of 40

Geeze girl, i don't know how you did it as long as you did!..KUDOS TO YOU! kids are grown and i'm divorced...and i barely can do everything, with just myself to take care of.

You can go back to it later, it's never to late, sometimes it's the right thing, the timing is just off.

ENJOY YOUR KIDS....time goes by so fast and they will be on their own before you know it....make memories can make money anytime.

DoniB Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 9:49pm
post #16 of 40

making the choice to be there with and for your kids should NEVER be considered a failure! I'll echo what everyone else here is saying... Kudos to you, for making a very hard decision to put your own dreams on a back burner, to allow you to take care of your family. They are and should be your number one concern, and you're only doing what's right. You are NOT a failure. All you're proving is how wonderful a mom you really are. icon_smile.gif

Winter1979 Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 10:00pm
post #17 of 40

Failure - no way! It is an honor and privilege to be able to stay home with your children. These days far too few of us have that luxury, and it just shouldn't be that way. As hard as it is to set your dreams on hold, you will never regret it. It takes a very selfless person to do so.
I tossed the idea back and forth a million times about opening up my own place, finally I decided to open an in-home bakery and I don't plan on being very busy until my boys are older. It makes for good practice and getting my name out there...slowly. So for the time being I have a full time day job (SAHM) and a part time night job - the bakery. It is hard, but at least I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my kids and also get my release in baking.
So, I commend you on your decision. I had a lady tell me once, "I have never heard anyone say, I wish I had worked instead of staying at home with my children." - I will never say that and I'm sure you won't either.

Good Luck and enjoy your family!!!

indydebi Posted 6 Apr 2008 , 10:10pm
post #18 of 40

Frequently we talk about how it's taken me 25 years to finally get around to opening a retail space ... what took so long?

Since hindsight is 20-20, the timing back then ... at any point in time "back then" .... just wasn't right. Looking back with "eyes of wisdom", it would have been so hard with kids at home.

My youngest is 15, thinks working for her mom is SO BORING!!, but is big enough to be a little independent. I just figure God was holding my hand to have me wait until the time is right. (Holding my hand ... right! I'm pretty sure the Big Guy had to jerk me back a few times! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif )

I never saw a tombstone that said "World's Best Saleman" or "Beloved CFO".

From my "Favorite Quotes collection":

If you bungle raising your children, I donât think whatever else you do well matters very much.   ---Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

beachcakes Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 11:58am
post #19 of 40

I admire you - you've made the right decision! You have one chance with raising kids - once they're gone, they're gone! I decided this year to go from fulltime to parttime to be there for my son after school (I've been fortunate to have my mom taking him all these years). He's doing so well - getting A's for the first time and he's happier too. What good are those extra few bucks a week in comparison to that??

vickymacd (((((hugs)))))! I'm so sorry for your loss!

moreCakePlz Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 12:24pm
post #20 of 40
Originally Posted by Mnhreams

The good side is a made alot of mistakes and know what to do in the future.

I applaud your decision to put your children first, but Iâm really curious what makes up your list of âbusiness mistakes?â I hope to open my own shop one day, and I would love to know what you considered your mistakes (so I can avoid them).



Crazy-4-Cakes Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 12:29pm
post #21 of 40

I can understand what you are going through. I've just recently left a food service management job that took up way too much of my time and kept me away from my kids and DH. When I was home, I was on the phone dealing with work or gripping to my family about work! Because I was so tied up in that job I really think it took a toll on my marriage (we almost divorced, but worked it out) and my 17 y.o. son chose to move out and quit school. We had a tough relationship with him for about 1 yr., he's coming back around and got his GED but mybe if I wasn't so distant this wouldn't have happened.
I say all this to say I've been on both sides, I stayed at home with the kids before they got into school full-time and that's all I did. I tried to go to college but when I had to chose between my son's 1st of kindergarten or classes I choose him, so I quit that too. So I know what it feels to like your a failure but I do know that I needed to be with my kids and DH.
My only regret is that I have had an ALL-OR-NOTHING attitude about this, I wish that I would have kept some courses in college or kept some side work going because now that both the kids are almost grown and moving on I feel like I'm 40 and too old to start all over!
So if you can find a way to keep your feet wet while balancing your family, that would be my advise to you from one who's been there.
Stay strong! Even when the kids don't show you appreciation for what you did for them now, one day they will! That's what I still am hoping for! icon_smile.gif
Sorry so long.

AJsGirl Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 1:23pm
post #22 of 40

Remember, being a mom is the TOUGHEST job in the world! It may be the easiest job to get, icon_biggrin.gif, but the hardest to do!!

indydebi Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 1:55pm
post #23 of 40
Originally Posted by crazyladi

I feel like I'm 40 and too old to start all over!

Oh no no no no no!!!! icon_surprised.gif

I will be 50 years old in January and I feel like I'm starting the prime of my life! I've never had so much fun! It's a new adventure every single day!

40 too old? HOney, you're just surfacing the crest of life! Do it to it and do it today!!!! party.gif

misterc Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:16pm
post #24 of 40
Originally Posted by Mnhreams

I finally got my business going after many years. mainly it was restaurant based and cakes were on the side. everything was going very well and business was good. The downside was it was too hard on my children. I have three 14, 7, and 3 and they were troopers but they missed their mother. I was only open four months and had to give up my dream of having a cake shop and bakery for now I guess. They are more important. I guess the reason I write is because I know there are lots of mothers out there who want to do this or are already doing it. I have much respect for you but it just didn't work out for me. Hopefully I will be able to retry in a few years. The good side is a made alot of mistakes and know what to do in the future. I am sad and feel guilty that I appear as a failure and I need to vent. Thanks.

I know exactly how you feel. I just closed my cake shop mainly for the same reason. I know it was the right decision but I feel like a failure. I do want to try again at some point in my life. I am only 30 so I have plenty of time. Good luck!

lovetofrost Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:17pm
post #25 of 40

I definitely agree with you. You don't get a chance to go back and do it again with your children. If your job takes you away from them too much then it will just have to wait. Family always should come first. I know it is a hard decision, but I think you will be blessed for thinking of them first and maybe when you want to start again it won't be so hard. If you don't mind me asking , how did you get all your restaurant business? Thanks.

terrig007 Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:19pm
post #26 of 40

My parents always told me that it's never to late to do or start something unless they're shoveling the dirt in your face (when I was contemplating law school at age 35 but met my husband my first year and had to move because he's in the military). I'm 44 with a 5 y/o daughter with Downs/autism and a very "busy" 3 y/o little boy. I know I have to put my dream aside but it doesn't matter, I'm still going to go for it, just later.
I have an Aunt who is 85 but at 72 opened a little swap shop in Chicago and is still going strong. She worked in a chocolate factory all her adult life and was retired for 5 years. She always wanted to work in a little shop of her own but for whatever reasons couldn't. When her husband died when she was 70 she sat down and tried to figure out what she could do. Thus the shop.
Crazyladi-never give up on your dreams! You're right the kids will show appreciation probably sooner than you think. When I was out of college and teaching at age 21, on my own (not living in a dorm or sorority house anymore but really on my own), I really understood and finally appreciated what my folks did for me and my brother and all that they gave up to help us along the way. I tell them everytime we talk how much I appreciate everything they did for us. I know your kids will be the same. They sound like great kids anyway and our kids are the greatest gifts we leave behind. icon_biggrin.gif

cakemom24 Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:31pm
post #27 of 40

I have 4 kids (14, 9, 8, and 7). My kids love it that I choose to stay at home. I have recently started doing cakes on the side and they love that mommy is doing it but hate it when mom has to finish a cake when they want to go somewhere. Like I said, I only do it on the side and my kids have told me they want me to stop. I can not imagine having a store.
Your kids are only young once. You chose to be a part of their lives instead of making a business. How is that failure?? Being there for your kids is the best decision any parent can make!!

summernoelle Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:32pm
post #28 of 40

I am a SAHM, too. To a 2 and 4 year old. I often will be working on a cake while my kids are reading/playing/watching TV/whatever, and wonder WHY am I doing this right now? I have my entire life to make cakes, but my kids are only going to be little now! All of us out here who are in the same situation struggle with the same thing. Just remeber you chose to stay home with your kids for a reason, and that was to raise them, love them, enjoy every moment of their little lives. You are not a failure. I think one day when they are grown, you are going to look back and be really glad with the choice you made.
Good luck!

indydebi Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:32pm
post #29 of 40
Originally Posted by terrig007

I have an Aunt who is 85 but at 72 opened a little swap shop in Chicago and is still going strong.

A very inspiring story! I have an aunt kinda like that. She's 85-ish and you just can never find her home ... she's on the go ALL THE TIME!

I want to be just like her when I grow up! thumbs_up.gif

Shyanne_Mommy Posted 7 Apr 2008 , 2:40pm
post #30 of 40

First and foremost FAMILY COMES FIRST! You are NOT failure!

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