Limiting Free Cakes!!!!

Decorating By bdrider Updated 22 Mar 2008 , 6:50am by miny

bdrider Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:11am
post #1 of 33

Man, SOMEone give me pat on the back!!

Its a problem for so many of us, I know... Just how many free or next-to-free cakes can one person make? I know that so many of us feel ( or felt ) that when you are just getting started, you have to go that route to get your name out there but its so difficult to stop that nasty habit and stick to your guns.

After 3 REALLY AWESOME cakes that I have made for my Evil-Mother-In-Law for misc. reasons.. her boss' b-day, co-worker's kids' pool party, friend's bridal shower... ( can you believe I asked her just to pay me for materials for these cakes and she STILL hasnt done so? They totalled over $150!! Not to mention my time!! )..

So today she called me to ask me if i used a horse-shoe shaped pan or sculpted the cake for the horseshoe cake I made.
I never made a horseshoe cake.
"really? " she asked.
"Yup."
"hmm.. i think you sent me a picture of one as a Good Luck cake..?"
"Nope. Never.... why?"
" oh.... well... I was thinking of making one for my boss who is starting his own practice... Maybe on April 3rd." ( uh huh. )
" Thats nice." I said!! lol.... "oops... I must be driving through a tunnel now.... ".. Click.

I grew that backbone finally!! lol..


Just wanted to share.... icon_smile.gif

32 replies
JanH Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:15am
post #2 of 33

Good for you, bdrider. icon_smile.gifthumbs_up.gif

Kandy4283 Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:36am
post #3 of 33

LOL!! Thats awesome that you did that to her! It sounds like she needed that! I know exactly where you are coming from on people taking advantage of you for knowing how to do cakes! Its hard for me to ask for my family and friends to pay, but right now i am currently unemployeed so this is how i am making it! My brothers best friends wife asked me to do a cake for her on saturday and I was dumb and told her about this site and was just in general talking about it and i got an email from her that night that we were talking about it and she is now going to attempt her own cake due to not wanting to pay me! A lessoned learned for me as well! LOL!!

DecoratingDingbat Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:45am
post #4 of 33

Thank you for posting this!!! I was having the same problem with my MIL- any other time she is just mean and vedictive to me. icon_cry.gif Over the past 12 yrs have tried to be quiet and done whatever she asks of me, all with the hope that eventually she'd come around and at least treat me civil. No luck - the only time she even says hello to me is when she wants me to do a cake for her. And for some reason it's never a quick sheet cake with a simple design - noooo, have to go all out for her occasions - some of which my husband and I weren't even invited too! icon_confused.gif
Anyway, last week she called 'to see how the kids were' (first time since Christmas), and asked if I could be so kind to make her dear friend a birthday cake. After all these years I finally got some 'cake balls', and said I was too busy. She had the nerve to ask "what are YOU busy with?" icon_mad.gif - I responded "with 2 paid cakes, and any time I have after that will be spent with my family" (4 kids & it's Easter ... duhhh) Well.... I swear you could hear the munchkins singing (Wizard of Oz in my head), hopefully she'll get the hint from here on out. Now I just have to keep an eye out for flying monkeys! icon_twisted.gif

MissLady85 Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:24am
post #5 of 33

My MIL still doesnt want anything to do with us (myself or daughter)!!! She hasnt showed any interest in my daughter since she ws 5 months old (shes 2 now) & our second daughter is due in June!!! I just had to make the DH stop taking baked treats over there... and when I do happen to send some with him they have his oldest daughters name on them so she doesnt 'mistakenly' think they are for her! I only bribe dh through his stomach, plus atleast this way I dont have to deal with the in laws.... but im sooo glad you finally stood up to the MIL that can be difficult to do. Most of us women want our husbands parents to like us.

Texas_Rose Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:44am
post #6 of 33

I always make cakes for my relatives for their birthdays. Other than that, they're out of luck. They all really look forward to their birthdays icon_biggrin.gif

I used to have trouble saying no to my neighbors. Not just about cakes, but about everything...the problem with saying no was that we're all really broke, and I have the skills that a person needs to live decently while broke (sewing, hair cutting, baking, and of course cake decorating). I finally realized how much I had spent, in time and in actual supplies, trying to help my neighbors, when they weren't interested in learning to do anything for themselves.

I put up a sign in my window that said "Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part."

No one knocks anymore. It was hard, and I've had to learn to ignore dirty looks....but it feels so GOOD to stand up for myself and realize that my time is valuable.

And Kandy4283, don't feel bad...after your brothers best friends wife tries to make her cake and realizes how much is involved, between time, skill and supplies, she will realize what a bargain she would have had if she had just paid you for a cake.

bdrider Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 6:07am
post #7 of 33

The Evil Mother In Law isn't a stereotype for no reason. It has taken me 9 years of dealing with her not liking me ( i swear for no legitimate reason) to finally start putting my foot down in MANY aspects with her.. And the cake thing is just the icing on the cake! ( lol.. no pun intended!)..

For me, I find it difficult to stop saying "well, i'm going to give this cake as our gift" when in reality, a purchased gift would cost the same as the materials I spent, then factor in my time.. WHOA! Some gift!!

I'm just rather proud of my mother-in-law stopage today. It was such an obvious ploy for me to offer to make the cake that it was ridiculas. I let the conversation fall silent at least 4 times where she was waiting for me to offer.

This b*tch actually brought USED BALLOONS to my daughters 3rd birthday this past weekend!!! YES!!! someone else's balloons that HAD to be over 3 weeks old.. Those mylar balloons last forEVER and this one was on the floor and the 3 regular ones it was tied to were have filled and obviously OLD. And the strings were all knotted like she took them off someone's chair at work or something!! CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW TACKY THAT IS???

lol.. has nothing to do with cake but I had to share that story!!!

MissLady85 Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 6:14am
post #8 of 33

bdrider, yikes 9 years?? ive only put up with mine for 4 years (now i just ignore her) The only reason I kept comming around was because of the kids, but since she isnt interested in my daughter ive just stopped! I feel for you.

texas rose, i like the the sign idea!!!

DecoratingDingbat Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 6:42am
post #9 of 33

You know I really feel better knowing that I'm not the only one! icon_razz.gif I used to feel like I was the one people saw as being petty, but the more she got away with, the more nasty she became until finally no one could deny her ignorance.
The used balloons don't surprise me,and I can completely relate to the anger and disgust this would make you feel! My MIL only gives my kids gifts from garage sales (usually something broken and it ends up in the garbage), even then she leaves the price tag on it. Her other grandchildren enjoy gifts such as trips to Disneyland and Alaskan cruises etc.
Your only human and you can't help what you feel - they are lucky we can help how we react though! I will admit however, after 12 yrs of this abuse I am now starting to loose control of my reactions. For example, the last broken garage sale gift was thrown into the garbage while she watched, when before I would have waited for her to leave. icon_confused.gif Broken toys are dangerous.
I know it's a little off topic to cakes, but letting me vent is more therapeutic than a double layer chocolate fudge all to myself! Thank you, I really could hug you right now!

Curtsmin24 Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 7:29am
post #10 of 33

Oh boyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif I was gonna marry a guy and his mom was a pain in the a$$. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

all4cake Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 8:17am
post #11 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by bdrider


"Nope. Never.... why?"
" oh.... well... I was thinking of making one for my boss who is starting his own practice... Maybe on April 3rd." ( uh huh. )
" Thats nice." I said!! lol....



icon_smile.gif





That's when I would've said..."Make sure you take pictures of it. I'd love to see how your's turns out" then ...click.

Good for you for putting your foot down.

mezzaluna Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 8:37am
post #12 of 33

bwahahaha... that was too funny, all4cake!

TheButterWench Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 12:38pm
post #13 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by all4cake

Quote:
Originally Posted by bdrider


"Nope. Never.... why?"
" oh.... well... I was thinking of making one for my boss who is starting his own practice... Maybe on April 3rd." ( uh huh. )
" Thats nice." I said!! lol....



icon_smile.gif




That's when I would've said..."Make sure you take pictures of it. I'd love to see how your's turns out" then ...click.

Good for you for putting your foot down.





I just snorted my coffee at the monitor! Jeez, you guys are just too funny for this early.


icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

( by the way, a great story to start my day with! thanks!)

Kathleen01 Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 12:55pm
post #14 of 33

Thanks for posting your inspiring story! It gives me hope that one day I too will grow a back bone when it comes to my cakes...and the in-laws! thumbs_up.gif

OhMyGoodies Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 1:23pm
post #15 of 33

I think I have the best mother in law ever lol. We get along great and she's never asked for a single thing from me except to treat her son with the respect he deserved from all his previous relationships and previous 2 failied marriages. Which I have done much better then the previous wives lol.

Anywho.. she's allergic to alot of stuff like she isn't supposed to have chocolate or nuts or peanut butter or seafood... so I haven't even been able to make her a birthday cake which I'd love to do! just because she's always been so supportive of me and what I want to do with my life, unlike my own mother who is alot like your mother in law.

My own mother will ask me to make a cake for a party at work, co-workers bday, my nephew's bday's etc. The first two were freebies, after that I told her plain and clear it would cost her $x.xx and she wasn't happy with it and TOLD me she was paying $x.xx for it. Well I got around that she said "get $20 from your dad that's all I'm payin for this cake but it has to be a wrestling ring that's what he wants!" I polietely told her "that cake is over $50 the way you want it, I'll give it to you for $40 even" she said "no get $20 from daddy" and hung up on me. So when dad got here to give me the money for the groceries to make the cake I told him it was $40 granted I only got $30 but that's cause he hadn't been to the bank yet lol... But either way that's the way she is she always wants something for nothing and refuses to pay my prices but will go to the super market and buy one there for MORE money! and is never what the kids want. The kids love the fact that Aunt Becky knows how to make kick ass cakes and they always want a kick ass design but she won't allow it....

Oh well... Good for you hun glad you stuck it to her! icon_wink.gif

janebrophy Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 1:28pm
post #16 of 33
Quote:
Quote:

Thats nice." I said!! lol.... "oops... I must be driving through a tunnel now.... ".. Click.

LOL!!! I love it! Way to go bdrider! I love to hear about women standing up to their MIL's! I've finally realized that mine is totally controlling and whacko, and that it's not all in my head, so I'm taking inspiration from you!

I just have nightmares of my future, being the mom of 3 boys - I'm always going to be the MIL!! icon_lol.gif


CeeTee Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 2:16pm
post #17 of 33

I made that mistake too. I just wanted to make others happy, but didn't also take the time to make myself happy. I think if I had to do it all over again, I would not have undersold myself or given away cakes when starting out. Not charge high-end bakery prices, but at least charged enough to make it worth my while and not give the impression that "Oh, this is super easy and super cheap!"

Ironically, the way I've solved my problem is I no longer charge for cakes BUT I also no longer give them away. I do them for friends and family when I want to and for donations only.

AJsGirl Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 2:17pm
post #18 of 33

Fortunately, most of my family and friends know, if I do a free cake for you, it's for your birthday, and in lieu of a gift. My mom has paid me for the other ones she has ordered from me.

But my sister, well, she's another story. She EXPECTS me to do it for her sons' birthdays, her husband's birthday, even HER MIL's birthday! And didn't want to pay me a dime! Even just for materials! "I'm a SAHM, I don't have the money..." Well, then you don't have a cake, either. I had to put a stop to that, but not before I had done several for her, unfortunately. It was hard, and actually, we aren't as close as we used to be, all over stupid cake! But I'm sorry! I'm not a cake vending machine!!

icon_mad.gif

Sorry for the long rant, thanks for the vent!

deanwithana Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 2:37pm
post #19 of 33

Now I have the opposite problem............my friends and family try to throw money at me for making cake......and I just can't take their money!!!! My mother has tried many times and now since I won't take her money she has taken inventory of what I use....she brings me stuff quite often such as my sugar, flour, etc. She just shows up and tells me she got it all on sale.....

If they probably offered to pay you....you would have a hard time taking their money as well.....

ladyonzlake Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 2:44pm
post #20 of 33

Good for you bdrider! It does sound like your MIL was taking advantage of you! I could understand her wanting you to make a cake for a family member but for her boss, her best friend, blah blah blah....hmmm no way, that's when she needs to pay you! I guess from now on you'll just have be too busy making PAID cakes to have time to make her FREE cakes...maybe she'll get a clue!

I'm fortunate in that I get along great with my inlaws and they would never take advantage. I make "free" cakes for the family and occaisionally I'll do a donation to a fundraiser which ends up bringing in some business.

Good luck with your MIL!

rozdei Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:08pm
post #21 of 33

AJsGirl,

That's so sad about your sister. If she needs a cake...and goes to a grocery store, she had to pay them...it's so sad that she can't see that she is giving you business instead of the grocery store. Some people. I use this quote all of the times from the movie The Royal Tenenbaums; "family is not a word, it's a sentence."

bdrider,

That's great that you stood up to her. Good for you. thumbs_up.gif And to change the subject, I was wondering what became of the golf cake and that horrid customer of yours. Since the forums went down, I haven't been able to find out or haven't seen if you posted what happened.

~Julie~

DecoratingDingbat Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:49pm
post #22 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by deanwithana

Now I have the opposite problem............my friends and family try to throw money at me for making cake......and I just can't take their money!!!! My mother has tried many times and now since I won't take her money she has taken inventory of what I use....she brings me stuff quite often such as my sugar, flour, etc. She just shows up and tells me she got it all on sale......




That's what my Mom and Granmother do - LOL! Bless their hearts thumbs_up.gif And they buy in bulk, so I don't run out of stuff very often that's for sure. It's appreciated every time I get an inspiration - urge - manic fit - to try a new idea. My hubby says I need a Decorating Detox - then snorted and said "that's what the DT's stand for in this house!" .... icon_redface.gif Men ... I asked in reply "Don't you have a golf ball to hit - or something that needs to be scratched?" icon_wink.gif

bdrider Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 4:58pm
post #23 of 33

Hi Julie!
I just posted a new thread about the golf bag cake last night.. but essentially... nothing has happened. Lawyer hasnt heard from her and we are nearing the agreed upon 30 days. KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED THAT SHE WILL JUST GO AWAY!!

on the MIL topic.. I'm sure there are worse ones out there but mine has got to be one of the most controlling, awful, mean one out there..
She opening bashes me to other family members ( who come back and tell me verbatim) insults my family behind my back ( again... i get reports of this.. ).. Trys to control EVERYTHING with my children like they are hers. Last year we went to Disney with my daughter who just turned 2 and she freaked out completely, didnt speak to us for a month ( no sweat off my back.. ) and now that we are being treated to another trip to FL by my DH's grandma, my MIL freaked out AGAIN at the thought of us taking OUR daughter to Disney without her and is now trying to get time off work to accompany us for the entire trip.
Someone shoot me now.

I cant stand being around her for a cup of coffee, much less for 8 days.

I have tried for years to try and be extra nice and kill her with kindness to try and have a decent relationship with her ( she will ALWAYS be my DH's mom), but to no avail.
She is just awful.

NO CAKE FOR HER!!!!
She'll have to wait until pigs fly to see another cake from me.

mezzaluna Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:06pm
post #24 of 33

shoot her.







.disclaimer: before all y'all get y'all's panties up in a twist (you know who you are) and report this post....... it's a joke.




.

janebrophy Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:09pm
post #25 of 33

Funny you should say that bd! My MIL totally thinks that my kids somehow belong to her! It's the strangest thing! My DH doesn't see it, or refuses to admit that he does icon_lol.gif . I totally try all I can to avoid her. I can't imagine going on vacation with her LOL! That would not be at all enjoyable!

bdrider Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:12pm
post #26 of 33

mezzaluna.. ..LMAO...

and janebrophy.. MINE TOO!! As much as my DH is a wonderful, wonderful guy.. Why is it that men don't see such stuff?? Is it a guy thing? Are they really that oblivious? If/when she does something that is obvious, he is the very first to put her in her place, but when it comes to this kind of thing, he's just doesn't "get" it..
Makes me nuts.

I havent smoked in a year and I swear, if she does come and I manage to not smoke during that time, I will either be in jail for murder or have a spot all carved out for me in heaven.

rozdei Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:14pm
post #27 of 33

Brenda,

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. icon_smile.gif

Are you going to Disney in July? This year's ICES convention is at Disney from July 17-20th. I'll be there. icon_smile.gif

~julie~

bdrider Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:22pm
post #28 of 33

BUMMER!!! no.. we're going the last week of April.. I didn't know the ICES convention will be there in July.. That stinks. I'd probably melt from the heat at that time of year anyway!!

CakeMommyTX Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:30pm
post #29 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by deanwithana

Now I have the opposite problem............my friends and family try to throw money at me for making cake......and I just can't take their money!!!! My mother has tried many times and now since I won't take her money she has taken inventory of what I use....she brings me stuff quite often such as my sugar, flour, etc. She just shows up and tells me she got it all on sale.....

If they probably offered to pay you....you would have a hard time taking their money as well.....




Same here, my mom is always bringing stuff over she got on "sale".
Half of it I know she did'nt actually get on sale, but its a mom thing, and I can bet you I will probably be dropping of "clearance groceries" at my boys houses before too long!

And my sister brings alot of my cakes to work with her and she always offers to pay for the supplies, sometimes she or I forget about the payment, but for every one cake she brings to work I get 2-3 orders so her freebies are worth it.

And I must have lucked out when it comes to MIL, mine thinks I am the best thing to happen to her son. She loves me and all of our kids, every Christmas after everyone else leaves, we stay behind and she (and PaPa) always bring out a ton of more presents for us and the kids. They say its because we work hard, we love and care for our children and we put family before anything else.
Now the SIL is a whole different story!

rozdei Posted 21 Mar 2008 , 5:31pm
post #30 of 33

Brenda,

You're right, that's a bummer. But you're right again, you would melt. I'm going to melt too. :0) And I live here.

~julie~

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