Rude? Or Not?

Lounge By aliciag Updated 20 Mar 2008 , 1:41pm by SusieHazCakes

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 11:55am
post #1 of 19

Who is suppose to plan the wedding shower?
What is common?

18 replies
fmcmulle Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 12:27pm
post #2 of 19

I think it is suppose to be th Matron of honor. I could be wrong. I know my niece will be getting married next year and her sister(who is her matron of honor) is planning hers and asked me if they could have it at my house because mine is bigger and can hold all of her friends.Maybe I can have them clean it for me! icon_biggrin.gif

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 1:05pm
post #3 of 19

That's what I thought!
I am matron of honnor for my brother/bestfriend wedding. I started to plan the shower, I wanted everything to be perfect.

Last week, the mother of the bride comes to my house, so I tell her that I started planning the shower. She said "well I already rent a place for the shower it's gonna be the 26th and I already sent the invitations on my side of the family! All you have to do is send the invitations for your side and bake a cake! oh and by the way I want the cake to be...blah blah......"

icon_eek.gif couldn't listen to the rest of her oneway conversation icon_eek.gif

She didn't even call my mother (mog) until everything was set in stone!

Am I right to be insulted? Was that rude of her?
Or is it just the way it's suppose to be?

fmcmulle Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 1:20pm
post #4 of 19

You know some people are like that. My son got married last june and the only thing I was allowed to contribute was the cakes and I did the invitations. I went with my daughter in law to the store and she picked out the flower girl basket and pillow and the flower girl dress my daughter already had one for the little girl to wear. Well her mom and grandmother took over and bought new everything so I was stuck with a basket,pillow that I paid good money for. My daughter in law wouldn't say a word. It still bothers me but I don't let it show. You just have to over look it I guess. I guess the grooms family doesn't matter anymore which I think is a crock in itself! But where would they be without the groom!!!! Good luck. I hope everything works out.

lardbutt Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 3:08pm
post #5 of 19

You know, why don't you just throw a seperate shower for your family's side? You wouldn't have to be ulgy about it, I see all the time.

TexasSugar Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 3:21pm
post #6 of 19

I second the thought on having a seperate shower. When my brother and SIL got married a friend of her family wanted to give her a shower, so they did, and invited us, it was a couple's shower. Then my Aunts, Grandma and I gave her a shower for the rest of our family (my cousins and such). A few were invited to both showers, but it was more of a different group of people.

fmcmulle Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 4:16pm
post #7 of 19

That is a great idea! thumbs_up.gif

moreCakePlz Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 5:11pm
post #8 of 19

In theory it should be the maid of honor but in reality it is whoever is paying.

Like others suggested, have two parties. You can never have too many parties (or presents).

ziggytarheel Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 5:22pm
post #9 of 19

I think this really varies with where you are from.

Around here?

Family members (according to the etiquette books) should not give a shower. Considered very tacky. And we are kind of an etiquette book sort of place. And around here, most brides have several showers. I often find myself invited to several for the same bride.

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 5:53pm
post #10 of 19

I guess I could plan a second shower for friends only?! More like a party shower than a reception/family shower.

I don't want to make her (MOB) feel the way she made me feel.

I thought about it looooooooong and hard and I guess icon_redface.gif I was wrong icon_redface.gif

I was so happy and so thrilled to do this that I got confused, insulted and soooooo sad icon_cry.gif when she told me she was doing it.

But you know what? If my daughter got married and I wanted to throw her a party, no bestfriend or SIL would stop me!!

I suppose she just got as excited as I was...

this is how I feel! icon_confused.gificon_eek.gificon_surprised.gificon_cry.gificon_redface.gificon_cry.gificon_confused.gificon_sad.gifthumbsdown.gif

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 5:54pm
post #11 of 19

double post

TheDomesticDiva Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 5:58pm
post #12 of 19

Where I grew up, the mother of the bride would throw the shower. I cant think of any mother who wouldnt want to throw a big party for her little girl! icon_smile.gif So maybe the brides mom wasnt trying to be rude, maybe she just wanted to throw it for her. I wouldnt have imagined my mom having to ask permission from my fiancee's mom to throw me a shower. I'd just think it was my mother's place to do it and not have anyone else get their feelings hurt that she did. If you guys want to do a separate shower for the grooms family, then do that too! That's what my mother-in-law did. That way its not awkward for anyone! It shouldnt be a competition between families. icon_smile.gif

The matron-of-honor was in charge of the bachelorette party.

(Wanted to add... I think that weddings are the brides day... I know that the mother of the groom always wants it to be "her" day too since its her little boy getting married also, but weddings are for the brides! icon_smile.gif The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and plans that! But you cant really expect the bride to plan her wedding according to how her mother-in-law thinks it should'll be done the way she and her mama always talked about I bet! No one should have their feelings hurt about that.)

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 6:09pm
post #13 of 19

I wouldnt have imagined my mom having to ask permission from my fiancee's mom to throw me a shower.

The thing is, she is having a mixed shower, so the party is for my brother too.

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 6:27pm
post #14 of 19

[/quote]The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and plans that! But you cant really expect the bride to plan her wedding according to how her mother-in-law thinks it should be


Who talked about the wedding? icon_confused.gif

The wedding and the rehearsal dinner is planned and paid for by the groom and bride.

But that has nothing to do with the shower.

TheDomesticDiva Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 6:34pm
post #15 of 19

Even though it's a mixed shower, since she's already sent out invitations for her family, maybe you could just throw a separate shower for your family?? That way you could still carry out your plan! icon_smile.gif But whatever you want to do.

Someone had mentioned that they were upset that they'd taken the bride to pick out things for their wedding, and then her grandmother took her and she got something else and didnt use what she'd bought for her. I was just saying that it probably meant more to the bride to pick it out with her grandmother than with her mother-in-law. Sorry, wasnt trying to change the subject.

aliciag Posted 17 Mar 2008 , 6:43pm
post #16 of 19

Sorry, wasnt trying to change the subject.

I was just icon_confused.gificon_smile.gifthumbs_up.gif

lardbutt Posted 18 Mar 2008 , 2:34am
post #17 of 19

Don't forget.......

1 party + 1 party = 2 cakes icon_lol.gif

If I were the bride I would want TWO cakes! (But that's just me icon_redface.gif )

tchrmom Posted 20 Mar 2008 , 1:04am
post #18 of 19

I had always heard what ziggytarheel did-- family does not give showers, though they frequently attend. I only had my sister for a bridesmaid, so a close friend gave mine. Just my input. I do hope it all goes well and everyone ends up happy.

SusieHazCakes Posted 20 Mar 2008 , 1:41pm
post #19 of 19

Regardless of the rules, protocol or tradition, her behavior was RUDE!!

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