Good for you! I find that much healthier than the "whoa is me!" mode!
What burned my a$$ is that after he filed bankruptcy, I found out that since the payments *I* was making on the joint bills were being reported to the credit bureau in HIS name as "paid as agreed"! Since it was a joint account in both names, the credit was required to be reported in both names. Even tho' he had filed bankruptcy, it looked like he had reaffirmed on some bills because MY payments were going on HIS credit report as "paid as agreed".
Also, that crap about equal credit is pure crap!! When I tried to get a consolidation loan to reduce my monthly expenses, I was flat out told I had no credit. When I pushed for an explanation, he said, "The credit on your report is based on JOINT credit .... where's YOUR credit?"
Hubby tells me that statement was SO illegal for him to make and in violation of fair credit lending! But as I told hubby (he was not hubby at the time, btw) "Laws written down on paper are a unique thing .... the paper isn't in that loan office and the paper can't smack the loan guy over the head when he's wrong. This is the REAL world where this sh** happens all the time!"
So the big lesson I taught MY daughters was to be sure to get credit in THEIR NAME ONLY for their own protection.
As far as the bills you have today, hubby worked in banking for 25 years, and some of that as a collector. He said he never repo'd a car from a customer who contacted him first. So give them a call and let them know your situation. I did that will all of my bills and was surprised at how many of them were SO helpful ... many made the offer to adjust them to a lower monthly payment for me.
P.S. And I know the feeling about "i worked my butt off". My ex only worked about 4 months a year and he thought THAT was way too much! Somehow the world owed him a living and as long as "the wife" was working, then why should he have to?
I feel for both of you. I have been quite blessed. I do hope that you can somehow work it out-- and absolutely apply for every bit of help anyone has to offer. You are the kind of person I WANT tax dollars helping. I know how quickly it could be me . ..