Should I Send A Card? (Long)

Lounge By Memie Updated 30 Oct 2007 , 7:25pm by adven68

Memie Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 6:04pm
post #1 of 9

I need advice on whether I should send a birthday card to our son. Two days before Father's day last year he packed up his family and left town without telling anyone they were going. We were at a T-ball game with one of our grandchildren and our DIL's brother called my husband's cell and told him that he had stopped by their house and they were loading up a U-Haul and moving to Florida. We left the game and went to their house where we found her ex-husband and some of her family helping them pack up. (I wish I had a picture of my son's face when he saw us walking up the driveway). Anyway, all we could get out of them was they were moving to Florida - That's it. No other explanation. They had no jobs waiting there and were planning to live with her ex til they got settled. I was completely blown away by the fact that they were leaving WITHOUT telling us. I was the babysitter for their two babies and I took her oldest daughter to and from school and would always keep all 4 of the kids whenever they asked. It wasn't as though we never saw each other or didn't get along. They said they didn't tell us because they knew we wouldn't have approved. Well, HELLOOOO, RESPONSIBILITIES!! After a couple of hours of talking to brick walls, we left. I called our other son and he also did not know they were doing this. He tried to find out what was going on and didn't get anywhere either. Thankfully, he did think to get an address for them. Anyway, they left. We found out later that they were in deep financial trouble. They never answer their phones when we call. I sent birthday and Christmas gifts to all of them but never had any acknowledgement that they received them. I know they did because I requested signatures for delivery. Now my son's birthday is coming up and my husband doesn't think we should send him anything. I think we need to at least send a card - keep the lines of communication open. After all, he is our son, but then I think about what he did - nothing has ever hurt me like that, I felt like my heart had been torn out. So, what do y'all think, should I send a card or not? My husband is adamant about us not sending anything. I just really don't know what to do. icon_sad.gif

8 replies
mezzaluna Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 6:21pm
post #2 of 9

Send a card. It's such a small gesture, but it might be greatly appreciated.

No one knows, except for them, what they really went through.

michellenj Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 9:11pm
post #3 of 9

Go ahead and send it. You never know, maybe this will be the nudge he needs to communicate with you again.

ccr03 Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 9:25pm
post #4 of 9

I don't have any kids, but I do know that as a mother you would not forgive yourself for not sending the card.

Send it.

itsmylife Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 9:55pm
post #5 of 9

I would send it. Maybe someday he will come to his senses and talk to you. If it were me and that was my son... I would continue to try to keep at least a little line of communication open. I wouldn't have the heart to shut him out totally. He may be totally humiliated or embarassed by what he did... who knows. At least he would know that you still care about him.

indydebi Posted 29 Oct 2007 , 10:04pm
post #6 of 9

I usually take a hard-a$$ stance on adult parent/child relationships, but this one doesn't sound like a dysfunctional thing. Sounds like they just decided to try something new in their lives and for some reason just didn't want the conversations of family members who loved them and wanted them to hang around. Not a very mature method, I'll agree, but I'm not hearing anything dysfunctional or toxic.

I would send the card. They didn't leave because they were mad at your or because they wanted to cut you out of their lives. Keep the lines open for that one day that he/they decide to call or come back.

I feel for you on not seeing your grandkids as much as you used to. my grandkids are only 20 minutes away and I treasure that.

KatieTaylor77 Posted 30 Oct 2007 , 4:14am
post #7 of 9

Speaking as someone who went through a very painful, long estrangement from my family . . . send the card.

You just don't know what is going on for sure . . . but its important for your son to know what you haven't written him off.

People make decisions like that for very strange reasons, but sometimes they are incredibly valid and important that you respect that.

(I personally had to stop talking to my family for over a year . . . they didn't know where I lived, my phone number, etc because my ex had been stalking me and gotten so violent that after he tried to kidnap me he told me he would hurt my mother if he had to in order to get me to go back to him . . . restraining orders didn't work, calling the police repeatedly did nothing, calling his work, his captain, his family did nothing . . . my only choice was to disappear. It sucked and was the worst year of my life . . .)

DebbyTCL Posted 30 Oct 2007 , 12:39pm
post #8 of 9

By all means, send your son a birthday card.

And add a note that if ever there comes a time that he needs you or wants to talk, that you will be there for him and love him with all your heart, no matter what.

Tell your husband that you are sending "our" son a card because is he "our" son and he needs to know that no matter what, we will support him, right or wrong, he still needs his parents and you are not shutting the door, but swinging it wide open.

That way, when he does need you, he knows that he is welcome to walk right in!

adven68 Posted 30 Oct 2007 , 7:25pm
post #9 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbyTCL

By all means, send your son a birthday card.

And add a note that if ever there comes a time that he needs you or wants to talk, that you will be there for him and love him with all your heart, no matter what.

Tell your husband that you are sending "our" son a card because is he "our" son and he needs to know that no matter what, we will support him, right or wrong, he still needs his parents and you are not shutting the door, but swinging it wide open.

That way, when he does need you, he knows that he is welcome to walk right in!




I can't add anything more to this. I hope he comes around.

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