Cakes For "family"???

Decorating By cakescraps Updated 19 Oct 2007 , 9:38pm by LittleLinda

cakescraps Posted 12 Oct 2007 , 10:48pm
post #1 of 17

I'm not sure how to react, other than being hurt, and just thinking to myself to consider the source. All of my family asks me to make cakes and desserts for family functions--birthdays, etc. We take turns hosting the holiday get-togethers and I am 'dessert' by default. I don't do cakes for a business, just a hobby, so definitely not professional, but certainly better than grocery store or Costco.

I have one SIL who just has no clue what a real ' family' is. She is rude to us, very self-centered, everything is for show, etc. ( whole other topic icon_rolleyes.gif I think there's one in every family )

Anyway, she invited us to my niece's birthday at the last minute, saying "we are just having a "family" dinner, but "for some reason" Madi wants Haley (my DD) to come" Well, first of all, we are family! She is married to my DH's brother--our kids are first cousins! They love each other, talk on the phone all the time and play whenever she will let them.

We get there, and she is so excited about Madi's cake, can't wait to show it to me. She got it from someone she works with. That's not what upset me--it was her comment.

I got it from "so and so"--she makes cakes like you do.

She has never asked me to make a cake for my nieces, so really, I shouldn't be surprised at any of this. But, it hurt me anyway. The fact that she never asks upsets me to begin with, but then to rub it in like that.....And to top it off, after she made such a big deal about it, it was frosted with canned icing!


Now that I am typing it, it seems like no big deal, but her attitude just really pi**ed me off. I know it's not because she doesn't like my cakes--she raves about them and has even asked me to bring a specific one for Easter.

Sorry this is long, just need to vent. At least my DH and kids told me they would rather have mine, and my MIL was madder than you know what!

16 replies
mommachris Posted 13 Oct 2007 , 1:56am
post #2 of 17

Seems like everyone's family eventually gets on their nerves. Either they take advantage of your skills or in your situation they don't icon_razz.gif

I say maybe she showed you the cake because she knew that of all the people there you would appreciate the cake. You were probably the only one who even picked out that it was canned icing. icon_cool.gif

If you feel that 'sharing' wasn't what she intended then you need to ask yourself a truthful question:
Would you really enjoy spending your precious time baking for someone you don't favor in your life? Sort of like casting your pearls before swine.

If it were me, I'd let her get her desserts from whom ever she wants to buy them from. Just don't save room for cake at her gatherings. thumbs_up.gif

Don't let it get to you.
Make cakes for those who enjoy them.

mommachris

amberhoney Posted 14 Oct 2007 , 3:04am
post #3 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommachris

Seems like everyone's family eventually gets on their nerves. Either they take advantage of your skills or in your situation they don't icon_razz.gif

I say maybe she showed you the cake because she knew that of all the people there you would appreciate the cake. You were probably the only one who even picked out that it was canned icing. icon_cool.gif

If you feel that 'sharing' wasn't what she intended then you need to ask yourself a truthful question:
Would you really enjoy spending your precious time baking for someone you don't favor in your life? Sort of like casting your pearls before swine.

If it were me, I'd let her get her desserts from whom ever she wants to buy them from. Just don't save room for cake at her gatherings. thumbs_up.gif

Don't let it get to you.
Make cakes for those who enjoy them.

mommachris




Mommachris beat me to it...was going to say exactly that! I feel your pain though, when you are known as the family baker. Sometimes we just have to bear in mind that some families have more than one! I know mine does...I was asked to make my DHs cousins wedding cake next month and I felt bad about the Aunt who has made everyone's cakes in the past. But then that lady makes GP flowers like you wouldn't believe! Sorry...rambling...just wanted to add my support. Sometimes it can be a bit of a drag when everyone expects you to make the cake for everything, when you just wanna enjoy the party that everyone else sweated over for a change!

7yyrt Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 2:21pm
post #4 of 17

It depends on what she thinks of as a 'family dinner'. In our house it's mom, dad and kids only.

If she didn't intend to have it larger, of course she didn't ask you to make a cake for it. If she had asked you to make a cake for a dinner you weren't invited to, wouldn't you be mad and hurt?

mbelgard Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 2:41pm
post #5 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7yyrt

It depends on what she thinks of as a 'family dinner'. In our house it's mom, dad and kids only.

If she didn't intend to have it larger, of course she didn't ask you to make a cake for it. If she had asked you to make a cake for a dinner you weren't invited to, wouldn't you be mad and hurt?




I have to agree with this, everyone's idea of "family" is different. On both my side and my husband's there are different arrangments for different things. My husband's mom and 2 aunts each take one of the three big holidays for a "family" dinner with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, my husband's grandma and all of the cousins' children, if my MIL doesn't have the meal she often wants a smaller "family" dinner the night before for just the six of us. When you talk about a "family" gathering on my side you can be talking about everything from just my parents, siblings and children to a "family" gathering at my grandma's house that involves 60 people to a "family" gathering for my great-grandma's birthday which would be HUNDREDS of family members in and out.

Personally I don't want to do everyone's cake. My husband's cousin thought me offering the use of a pan and maybe a little help meant that I was offering to do the cake for their child's first birthday. They came all sorry because someone else had offered a cake, I was pretty relieved since the birthday is a week before Halloween and I have lots of projects for stuff my kids want. icon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 3:31pm
post #6 of 17

Agree. Each person's definition of "family" is different. Each person brings different traditions and customs to each family.

I tend to be bossy bit** in both families (yeah I know .... you're all surprised, right?). For example, hubby's family Christmas was everyone getting together, eating dinner, and then opening gifts. Then Debi came along. When it was our turn to host the Christmas, I had everyone open gifts FIRST and then we had dinner. I told hubby, "I am NOT making these little kids wait for gift time, until (one family member) is done eating his 4th visit to the food table!" What made it worse is that this particular family member thought it was funny that he was making everyone wait until he was done!

Not in MY house!! icon_mad.gif We changed THAT tradition REAL fast! Christmas is for kids .... not for power plays among the adults! (although I concede that I won that power play). icon_lol.gif

So while some may have considered me a real bit** for changing their tradition, I considered it standing up for those little kids, who were getting tired and bored.

So in your case, it could be just a different family tradition that she grew up with and she's carrying it into her home. You indicated she likes your cakes and she's requested your cakes before, so doesn't sound like she's trying to snub you.

You don't want to turn into the person in the family that everyone talks about in the vein of "Well you BETTER order the cake from her or she'll get all pi$$y about it!"

dueter Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 4:02pm
post #7 of 17

Yes there is at least one in every family

At family functions involving DH's family, they generally ask everyone to bring certain items. Guess what we get to bring every time...frozen corn, rolls and ice. What the heck!!! They know that DH and I cook in competions and do the occasional catering and all they trust us with is frozen corn!!!

Indy, since I have joined CC you've become my B*$#H hero. icon_biggrin.gif

cakescraps Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 6:08pm
post #8 of 17

Really, the more I think about it, the issue with her is that she never wants to be obligated or indebted to anyone. She doesn't let the girls spend the night because she thinks she would have to reciprocate. She doesn't ask grandma to babysit because grandma should call and offer. On the rare occasion she does happen to ask one of us for something, she's already get the offsetting favor built in to the request

In this case if she asked me to do the cake, she would "owe" me something. If she buys it, then she's off the hook. She's been in our family long enough to know not one of us thinks or acts like that. We all do things for each other all the time--that's what families do. She can't accept that people do things for each other just because.

Thanks for listening and the input.

indydebi Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 6:29pm
post #9 of 17

cakescraps, that is so sad that she thinks that way; that she can't believe people do nice things just for the sake of doing them.

It says a lot about her, personally.

In the words of George Bernard Shaw: "The liar's punishment is not that he cannot be believed .... but that he cannot believe anyone else."

Most people go thru life believing that everyone acts and believes the same as they do. I am always "entertained" by those who start a sentence with "Well, you KNOW what they're thinking, don't 'cha?" because I'm pretty darn sure the person saying it is thinking that and not the other way around.

cakescraps Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 6:44pm
post #10 of 17

Unfortunately, that's how she thinks, and it is being passed on to her kids. They miss out on a lot because of her attitude.

She has had a very difficult and sad life, and I try to remember that when she hurts one of us. I really don't think she means to, she just doesn't have any clue that she is.

fondantgrl Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 7:01pm
post #11 of 17

Yes, there is one in every family.. In my family I am that person. If it is my party, I decide what to serve, although i know that there are healthy eaters ( but I still serve fabulous unhealthy food anyway) . People who had quadruple by-passes and angio plasties !!.. Everyone also know that I am the Cake and Dessert Queen, so no one really has ever ordered anycake or dessert for their parties because they know it's automatic that I get to do it. icon_smile.gificon_lol.gif

Don't let this hurt you that much.. It's her party , so let her have it her way, although your cake is much better, which I'm sure everyone in your whole family knows that your cakes are way better. Just enjoy the canned frosting.

If it was me, I would be laughing in the inside knowing that they are serving crappy cake. icon_cool.gif

CakeMommyTX Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 7:00pm
post #12 of 17

I understand family is crazy sometimes My SIL knows I make cakes, knows I enjoy making cakes, knows I'm kind of good at making cakes and knows I would like to make her son, my nephew a one of a kind custom made just for him cake for his birthday as a gift.....so she goes to Sams and buys a sheetcake? icon_confused.gif

cakeladyinri Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 7:01pm
post #13 of 17

cakescraps, you are right every family has one, mine turns out to be my own sister, she got remarried in aug, I asked her is she wanted me to make something small (the wedding was in her backyard, just family so not a big shin dig by any means) All my other siblings I made there cakes for the remarriages but she said "Oh no I didn't want to bother you so I ordered something small from Stop and Shop. Well when I ever seen the cake I was like "ok" if that is what you wanted, it was a road with a plastic motorcycle on it and I have no clue was the the edging was suppose to be it was grey icing all around the cake. Oh well, needless to say neither I or my husband had any cake.

So we all have those wonderful family members and don't let it get to you, it was her loss to not have you make the cake with real icing and not the can stuff.

Melvira Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 7:02pm
post #14 of 17

Cakescraps, I think your SIL and mine were cut from the same cloth. And it was a bolt of bit$h weave!

But you know, people are right, sometimes we feel slighted no matter what happens, more because we've come to expect this treatment from a person. It's like, they insult you every time you turn around, so you just grow so accustomed to being insulted that... well... everything they do is an insult. I know for me, I always say... most of the little things she's done to me are not a big deal in, and of themselves, but when you roll them all together it's like a giant middle finger up my nose.

I'm sending you a hug because I know how it feels to be in the position you're in right now. Right, wrong, or otherwise, your feelings are YOURS, they're important, and they are real. My DH always says, "Well, you shouldn't feel that way... I'm sure she didn't MEAN it that way." I always appreciate being told how to feel. Especially from someone who is clueless. icon_lol.gif Sometimes when he tells me to stop being insulted (or mad or whatever) I say, "Fine. Stop breathing."

7yyrt Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 7:58pm
post #15 of 17

You say it seems she doesn't want to feel obligated?
The way you speak of her keeping herself at a distance makes me feel someone did that girl wrong. She's hurting herself now, I don't know if she realizes it...

RobzC8kz Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 9:31pm
post #16 of 17

Believe me...I do cakes for the family ALL the time. Whenever I can get out of doing another Freebie cake, I'm all for it! I wouldn't offended...I'd be relieved!

Besides...if she's as much a nightmare as you say, do you really want her as a "customer?"

LittleLinda Posted 19 Oct 2007 , 9:38pm
post #17 of 17

Don't feel slighted. Be happy that your daughter and you were invited because they want you there, not because you will provide the free cake.

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