MissBaritone Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 10:55pm
post #1 of

My husband and I work in the same company but different departments. I have a notice on the board in our canteen advertising my cakes. My husband came in and announced he was making a birthday cake for a guy in his department. "fine" I said, "get on with it".
"but you will help me cover the cake" I refused.
When I asked how he was going to decorate the cake he doesn't know he admits he can't pipe, hes never covered a cake before. he thought he could just borrow my cutters and use them to cut letters out of fondant. when i pointed out my cutters are designed to be used on thinly rolled gumpaste he wasn't very happy.

I did offer to let him watch me cover a cake which he said he would but then didn't get out of bed to watch because he was tired.

He keeps nagging me to help and I do feel guilty at saying no but the way I see it if him and his friends want a cake covered and decorated with my level of skill then I figure they should pay me for my level of skill. If they want a free cake then they get hubbies level of skill. He doesn't see it as I do though. He says he just wants to give his friend a nice cake and although he can bake the cake he doesn't know much about decorating. he thinks I'm being unreasonable in refusing to help.

I know if I give in and do start helping him he'll end up leaving it all to me to do

Am I being unreasonable?

72 replies
katerpillrgrl Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:06pm
post #2 of

First of all, If he wanted to volunteer your efforts he should have asked you first.

Since he didn't ask you first he doesn't really have a right to insist you decorate the cake.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but if it were me, as a good faith gesture, I might go ahead and help (of course, still refusing to do ALL the work), key word "help" him with the cake.

Just ask for "help" cleaning up after your next cake project. Tit for tat!

starrchaser Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:14pm
post #3 of

id help but make some steep consequences in return as "payment". But thats just me. Id put him him on dish duty for a week or laundry for 3 days or something. But thats because he doesnt normally do that stuff. Guess it depends on you. Do what you feel is right for you.

SweetConfectionsChef Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:15pm
post #4 of

You would make your husband buy a cake from you to give to his friend??? icon_eek.gif

Zmama Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:20pm
post #5 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetConfectionsChef

You would make your husband buy a cake from you to give to his friend??? icon_eek.gif


Buy? Not exactly, but barter, yes! Work for work is fair.

Landa Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:20pm
post #6 of

BUt he said he would do it and so he should. I would be mad as a hornet at my husband for saying he would do it for free KNOWING he cant even decorate then begging me for help. Sh......

She is not being unreasonable to me. He should have checked with her first. I would help him alright.

Zmama Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:24pm
post #7 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by Landa

BUt he said he would do it and so he should. I would be mad as a hornet at my husband for saying he would do it for free KNOWING he cant even decorate then begging me for help. Sh......

She is not being unreasonable to me. He should have checked with her first. I would help him alright.


Good point! If he said he would do it, then he should do it.

IF it were me, I'd also do a tiny cake for the friend myself, AFTER his, but my fiance and I have a weird sense of humor like that. We're competitive, winner gets kisses and backrubs as the prize.

Make him do it himself!

butternut Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:26pm
post #8 of

Did your husband's friend ask for a cake or did your husband just feel that he would like his friend to have a cake for whatever reason?

peajay66 Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:27pm
post #9 of

I understand where you're coming from, but in this case I'd just do it. After all the co-worker didn't ask you to bake a cake for him, your husband has asked for your "help" in making a cake for his co-worker.

If you worked at different places and hubby came home and said the same, would you think twice? Maybe, maybe not. If you're like me, your husband has done alot of things for you over the years that you might have taken for granted. Consider this your payback.

Just my 2 cents.

CranberryClo Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:28pm

You asked....

Yep, I think you are being a wee bit unreasonable. I'm assuming you have a good marriage and that you each take care of each other - if you don't and he's constantly abusing your talents/time/etc., then it's an entirely different answer.

There are times when my hubby will volunteer me to do something and while it might not be exactly what I want to do, I know that I've done the same to him and he helped me out, so I'll do the same.

I wouldn't try to make it a teachable moment (a very American expression) or use it for future favors. But explain to him that you don't appreciate it and then get it done together. Hopefully he respects you enough to not do it again now that he knows you don't like it.

Christy

shortNsweet Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:29pm

Alright...I've GOTTA ask...how long have you two been married???
I'm figuring, since you posted this "ptoblem" on the site, you must be willing to hear ALL kinds of responses, right? I have to say, if MY husband ( of 22 years) told me HE was making a cake for a friend or co worker, I'd probably have pains in my sides from laughing...and once I finished laughing, I'd GLADLY get out my ingredients, supplies, and give him a little kiss and kick him out fo the kitchen until I finished baking AND decorating the cake FOR him...THEN, he'd willingly come in and clean up the mess FOR me. I KNOW this is how It would be played out, 'cause it's happened MANY MANY times! I wouldn't DREAM of asking my husband for MONEY! I dont' care HOW skilled I was, or how big a cake business I had, I'd be doing that little thing called a "favor" for my dear hubby! My DH LOVES to show off MY creations, and I have made SO many cakes for his co workers and never expected a dime! And honey, believe me when I say, there are FAR more important issues in marriage to argue over besides THIS. I would be doing out fo the goodness of my heart. AND...I have to say, I have gotten MANY PAID orders from those very same people I made free cakes for after I happily made one for them for free. I go on the old saying " What goes around, comes around" I do something nice, i get nice things in return...and besides,...it just makes me feel good!...and I get the benefit fo a happy, loving husband!

kre8iv_gal Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:30pm

I'll probably get flamed for this...

But personally, I think you are wrong. Help your husband. It sounds like he somewhat takes an interest in what you do. Marriages are about couples doing things together, not against each other. Who knows? With your help, he might develop enough of an interest to continue in this direction with you and it could lead to bigger and better things for the both of you in the future. Whether it be your own baking business ...or just strengthening your relationship.

Have fun with it!! Enjoy the extra time spent with each other...

cassandrascakes Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:31pm

You definitely are not being unreasonable. I am the official cake decorator on my husband's job. His coworkers pitch in and purchase cakes for other coworkers. What does it cost, a dollar or two apiece?? I let my husband know early on that I would not be doing free cakes for his coworkers. He has since become my biggest advertisement, a regular walking billboard. He should have consulted you first, or he should pay you himself. I could see if the cake was for your husband, but it's not, it's for someone else. My husbands coworkers joke and say that he will come to work and say "it's Happy Monday, anyone want to order a cake?" I thought that was so cute. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't even start something like this. I decide for myself what free cakes I will do.

SweetConfectionsChef Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:33pm

...exactly what shortNsweet said thumbs_up.gif

bakers2 Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:36pm

do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

IHATEFONDANT Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:36pm

He took on the job...it's his. icon_twisted.gif

cassandrascakes Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:39pm

Ha Ha, after re-reading my post, I just thought about what my husband told me yesterday. On my way to school, he says "How hard is it to make cornbread dressing?" I said, "it's time consuming, but not hard, why?" He says, "I have to bring some to work Tuesday, and I wanted you to write down the ingredients so I can make it." I got a good belly laugh and said "YOU are going to make dressing and take it to work?" He said, "Well, I was really hoping you would feel sorry for me and make it." So, maybe this is what your husband is doing with the cake. Now, I know I will be making dressing Tuesday, but I don't make dressing and sell it, so to me that's different. Follow your own heart. No one here knows how things are between you and your husband, so we can't really offer sound advice. My husband just KNOWS not to ask me about free cake. But other things, yeah, he volunteers me!

peajay66 Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:40pm

If it were me and I made my hubby own up to HIS offer......I'd be terrified that the horrid creation he called a birthday cake would be thought of as MY creation!!!

I'd do it to save my reputation.

mbelgard Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:41pm

I think you both are. He should have asked instead of telling you that you were going to help him and you should help.

He's a little better than my husband in that he wants to do some of the work.


The last time the guys at work wanted a cake for someone they asked him if he'd see if I would make it if they bought all the stuff so he came home and asked if I would. I did all the work of course. icon_rolleyes.gif

nefgaby Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetConfectionsChef

...exactly what shortNsweet said thumbs_up.gif




Same here! thumbs_up.gif

pinkorchid50 Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:47pm

If it was me, I will help this time, but next time NO.. icon_twisted.gif
Go ahead and help him but make it clear to him that this is just a one time help and next time he will just have to do it himself or pay you to do it...no more free bee..

Family is hard to refuse, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Does not mean just because you're family, they can just use and abuse you all the time.

littlecake Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nefgaby

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetConfectionsChef

...exactly what shortNsweet said thumbs_up.gif



Same here! thumbs_up.gif




ditto thumbs_up.gif

taznjo Posted 7 Dec 2006 , 11:54pm

I think this is all kind of funny. First because I am so stubborn that I would want to day "You said it, you provide it." However, that would never really happen. After I cooled down a bit, I am sure my husband with his big puppy dog eyes and nice relaxing backrub would change my mind. Then I would make him stay up all night with me while I made the cake, giving him all sorts of little projects to do in the process. AND, when he complained about it being late and his needing sleep, I would remind him that he volunteered for this project. In the end a cake would be made, he would take partial credit and we would chalk it up in our "NEVER AGAIN (at least not anytime soon)" list -- right along with square fondant tiered wedding cakes!!!

Do it once -- WITH HELP! And make it so painful on him he will never dare ask again! LOL

Oh, and the money thing wouldn't work for us. My husband is Active Army and has no clue how much money he makes. Whats his is mine and what's mine is mine! LOL! J/K - but we share all $$$, so it wouldn't help out anyone.

cupcake55 Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 12:11am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissBaritone

My husband and I work in the same company but different departments. I have a notice on the board in our canteen advertising my cakes. My husband came in and announced he was making a birthday cake for a guy in his department. "fine" I said, "get on with it". "but you will help me cover the cake" I refused.

I did offer to let him watch me cover a cake which he said he would but then didn't get out of bed to watch because he was tired.


I know if I give in and do start helping him he'll end up leaving it all to me to do




I think you should help by supervising his work. He has to do all the work under your supervision. That way, you are helping but he is making the cake just as he said.

mom2csc Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 12:21am

If he can bake, then let him bake the cake and help you decorate. Did he have a theme in mind? Maybe it doesn't need to be as elaborate as a cake you would do. Maybe he could cover a cake with ganache can do a rope border. Does he want to do it or want you to do it. I definitely think yall need to get on the same page and not make this an issue. I don't know if I'd make him do other chores in return, but I would have him stay up with me. Could be some nice quality time and help strengthen your relationship.

kjgjam22 Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 12:47am

i think you are being unreasonable....if you cant help out your husband then who can you help out. its a cake. he is your husband.

ge978 Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 1:18am

I'm not sure about you guys, but i volunteer my dh for stuff all the time. He's a cable tech and sometimes I'll send him over to a friends house to help them out...without asking him first. He does the same stuff to me....i guess its just expected with us. Now if it were someone else...i would probably say no, but I consider family an exception to my rule.

If I were you...i'd do the cake.

SwampWitch Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 1:26am

I'd help my husband do this, in a heartbeat. We always help each other whenever we can. It works great.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

Rambo Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 1:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by bakers2

do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?




Oh I'm so going to have to remember this question!!

bethola Posted 8 Dec 2006 , 1:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by bakers2

do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?




DITTO!! I've been married 34 years and I LOVE it when my husband asks me to make things for him. Is it always convenient? Absolutely not! In fact, sometimes.....it's a pain! But, it makes me feel good that he thinks I'm a good cake decorator. Besides, he helps me "eyeball" cakes and brings me lunch when I'm working on a big project and he made the lighted cake stand you see in my photos!

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