princessdepastel Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 3:41am
post #1 of

ok i need to vent. i had a "friend" lets call her "jay" who was getting married and she was having another "friend" of mine (call her patty) making her buttercream wedding cake (as her wedding gift). "jay" and "patty" were talking about details about the wedding cake and i joined in the convo. i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?) well exactly a month before the wedding date i couldnt get a hold of jay to discuss the cake. all i knew is she wanted a fondant covered cake, in the shape of a heart, decorated to look like a tux to feed about 200 ppl. sooo not a small project for someone who has only been decorating for 2 months. well i was getting frustrated with the whole situation because i needed money for supplies to make this cake. i went to michaels to estimate how much it would cost and i decided about $90. i figured i would just ask for $90 and give her my time as her wedding gift. (by the way, i was supposed to be in the wedding too). well patty told jay that i needed money for supplies. jay called me and gave me attitude while saying "so... i have to give u money... for what?" i told her some of the supplies i needed and she kept asking "what else? that doesnt cost that much..." (she doesnt know squat about cake). the next day she changed her mind to get a two tiered buttercream that looked like it was wearing a tux. i estimated it to cost $35. i said i would just do that for free. well, she went ahead and posted on myspace that i thought she was my friend but "after all the sh*t (i) pulled, (she) was going to have to resign (me) as a friend". what??? she was just using me for a free cake!?! well at the end of all this, she kept posting stuff about me on myspace and ultimately i dropped out of her wedding. now she wont return the $135 bridesmaid gown i paid for. i will NEVER make that mistake again. from now on, money will be discussed right away. what a b*tch!

39 replies
jsmith Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 3:51am
post #2 of

She's definitely a greedy bridezilla. That's awful she's not giving the money back for the dress. She should be ashamed of herself.

chele_belle Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 3:54am
post #3 of

My thought is she expected you to do it as a "gift" also because her wedding cake was a gift. I do think that she was using everyone she could to get off cheap though. I wouldn't consider her much of a friend if a misunderstanding is all it takes for her to turn on you. Your probably better off.

SugarFrosted Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 3:59am
post #4 of

You are not alone. Another thread on CC about people who become your best friend, and even invite you to a party just so you'll bring the cake, when they want a free cake. Read this:

Do you really want a "friend" (I'm using the term friend very loosely here) who would treat you like this?

You deserve better.

And yes, next time, talk price up front.

koalabear Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 4:04am
post #5 of

Since when you were talking about the other cake friend was giving her the cake then the assumption would be, unless you specified up front that you would be expect the cost of supplies. With that being said is she a greedy, horrible friend...YES!!!! Who wouldn't offer to pay for supplies if they were a true friend?!?!?!?

aobodessa Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 4:04am
post #6 of

Okay, you paid for the dress and the BRIDE is keeping it???? No way!

First of all, I've not ever had a Bride tell me she wanted me to do a groom's cake and not be willing to pay for it. Second, we don't do a lot of groom's cakes in Michigan (not like in the South), but I've never been asked to do one for 200 people! Usually the groom's cakes I do are for the groom to enjoy, possibly with his friends and family. Most times, they take the cake home and have it the next day when they are opening gifts.

This "Bride" has no class. Has she applied to We TV's "Bridezillas" show??? Be thankful that you're only out a little $$ for a dress. If she doesn't give it back, then chalk it up as a lesson learned. She's not much of a friend to do this to you.


Nikki_B Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 5:06am
post #7 of

She's a total bridezilla, and even if there was miscommunication she doesn't have to be so rude about it. I'd be jumping for joy if I only had to pay 90 bucks for a cake and ONLY cover supply costs-- good luck getting a baker to cover that for her, pft.

And, I'd bug her about the dress. It's YOUR dress, you paid for it, and I'd continue to demand it from her until she gave in. Don't let her cheat you out of your own hard earned money.

mezzaluna Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 6:35am
post #8 of

Boy she sure did show her true self, didn't she.

Count yourself lucky that you got out of this *friendship* now rather than later.

princessdepastel Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 3:41pm
post #9 of

can u believe she even had the nerve to say she didnt trust "patty" to make her cake the way she didnt want it!?! i mean, goodness, what does she want for FREE!?! plus she told patty that she wanted the cake to serve either 300 or 400 ppl (i cant remember which amount) cuz she's not serving food at her reception so ppl are going to want seconds. the nerve of ppl.

tcbalgord Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 4:01pm

Since you were all talking about the cake "patty" was doing as a gift I can see where "Jay" assumed that you would want to do a cake as a gift too; however (and a very BIG however) you all know what they say about people who assume things. I think you were completly fair to want payment and for her to behave in that manner is horrible. Even my 6 year old can behave better then that. She should be ashamed of herself.

As for her not paying you back for the dress I do have some experience in that area. She absolutly must return either the dress or the money to you; if not you can take her to court. I was to be married 5 years ago and when we split I never returned the dresses (didn't have his sisters numbers and we only spoke to exchange our daughter.) All 5 of them sent me letters demanding the money. I sought legal advice to for my own benefit and found that I did have to do one or the other; it is up to them to take the cash or the dress....thankfully at the time the all choose the dresses. I wasn't trying to be mean to them by keeping the dresses it was just a really bad time and I was starting over and it wasn't a priority. It is completely up to you on how you handle the situation, but I was you luck in future friends and cakes!

kansaslaura Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 4:02pm
Originally Posted by princessdepastel

she was having another "friend" of mine (call her patty) making her buttercream wedding cake (as her wedding gift). "jay" and "patty" were talking about details about the wedding cake and i joined in the convo. i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?)

I would not assume she was going to pay for it. The conversation as you describe it was around a wedding cake that was being given as a gift. You stepped in and offered your services free at that point to help with that cake. When she asked if you would make the grooms cake, it was during the same conversation as the free wedding cake and your offer to help, free...correct??

I would have assumed that you were going to gift the grooms cake just based on that conversation.

Never ever EVER jump in and agree to do something of that magnitude without ironing out key details first.

You pretty much nailed the problem with this statement:

Originally Posted by princessdepastel

well patty told jay that i needed money for supplies. jay called me and gave me attitude while saying "so... i have to give u money... for what?" i told her some of the supplies i needed and she kept asking "what else? that doesnt cost that much..." (she doesnt know squat about cake).

and that is exactly why she never thought twice about you charging her for it. You didn't educate her ahead of time about the cost. She considered it signed, sealed and ready to be delivered after that conversation eariler.

Too bad a friendship had to be destroyed over lack of communication. One more thing...never talk to another friend about an issue with a mutual friend. So many hard feelings can be avoided by going directly to the individual you have issues with.

2Cupcakes Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 4:07pm

A groom's cake is not suppose to serve the entire wedding! The groom's cake is a present from the bride to her new hubby. It's suppose to be his favorite flavor and possibly reflect something about him.

I'm from the south and I've seen lots of grooms cakes.
My brother's groom's cake was a sheet cake with a fbct of his Chevy II car, his hobby was restoring it. My best friend's grooms cake was a soccer ball because he loved soccer. Both were chocolate.

The groom's cake is for the groom----not all the guests there. If he would like to share with his groomsmen and family, that's his choice. But normally he takes a slice and takes the rest home.

She should reimburse you for the cost of the dress if she no longer is having you in her wedding. She was totally using you for the free cake and if she was a true friend she would've understand why you needed money for the supplies. The time spent decorating was your gift. She should have been thrilled with paying for only supplies for the cake.

You're better off not having her as a friend.

princessdepastel Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 6:40pm

i forgot to say that when we first had the convo about me making the grooms cake "patty" didnt know that she was giving the cake for free or not (i had no clue it was going to be a gift until about 5 days later. and i at least thought she was going to pay for supplies). they hadnt discussed money either. and jay was so hard to get a hold of so patty didnt know it was going to be a "gift" until about 5 weeks before the wedding date. now what do yall think?

SugarFrosted Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 6:43pm

I'm from the south (Arkansas) too, and the groom's cake, while never as large as the wedding cake, is always served at the wedding. It is usually half or less of the number of servings of the wedding cake, and yes, it is usually chocolate, but not always. I have never heard of a groom's cake being only for the groom.

aurasmom Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 8:17pm

I am from the south, too and grooms cakes are served at the wedding reception. Usually they are a different flavor than the bride's cake. My son's is chocolate in the shape of slabs of wood. (He love trees and woodworking)

2Cupcakes Posted 16 Sep 2007 , 8:49pm

Okay, I stand corrected....I asked around and the grooms I know did not take the cake home themselves. They gave out pieces to their wedding party and parents and then sent the rest home with their family. They said none of them though, served more than a 1/4 sheet would have served.

One bride said the groom's cake was her husband's present. The entire wedding day was all the things she wanted and the grooms cake was her way of letting the groom's personality come through---giving him something that was only about him.

VannaD Posted 1 Oct 2007 , 10:27pm

I too am from the south and have always been offered grooms cake at receptions, maybe it depends on the bride and groom or maybe it depends on the location. I agree though that if the bride couldnt "loosen her purse strings" and pay for her cake she wasnt much of a friend. 90 bucks for a cake that feeds so many, I wouldve been jumping for joy!

Cakeasyoulikeit Posted 1 Oct 2007 , 10:38pm

I am from the south and in all the weddings I have been to, I have never even seen a grooms cake! icon_smile.gif Maybe I have cheap friends. icon_smile.gif

grama_j Posted 1 Oct 2007 , 10:49pm

She HAS to give you the dress or the money you spent on it..... tell her, ( even if you don't do it), that you will take her to small claims court... she will lose !! She has STOLEN YOUR property !! Glad you found out now, before you wasted any more time on this "friendship, what kind of person she really is.....

BrandisBaked Posted 1 Oct 2007 , 10:51pm

I have never been to a wedding where a groom's cake was served, nor has anyone ordered one from me... but I thought the tradition was that the groom's cake was cut up and put into little boxes for all the single women to take home, put under their pillow and dream about their future husband. Or something like that.

Ah, what do I know. LOL!

Back on topic:

The way you described the situation, it does sound like you were agreeing to do the cake for free. When you then asked for money for it, she probably thought you were going back on your word or "indian giving". I would try to clear the air with her.

If you can't resolve things, you need to send her a demand letter regarding the dress and keep a copy for yourself. You can't take her to court unless you show that you tried to resolve it yourself first.

SugarFrosted Posted 2 Oct 2007 , 5:28am

Personally, I would never expect someone to give me a cake for free. And even if a cake was offered, I'd at least offer to pay for supplies. Additionally, I would NEVER keep a dress that was paid for by someone else. And if a bridesmaid in my wedding dropped out, no matter the reason, I'd reimburse her for the dress.

In regards to Groom's cake:
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


A groom's cake is a wedding tradition typically associated with the American South. While a wedding cake may often be decorated in white and light in texture and/or color, the groom's cake can take a variety of forms, many incorporating chocolate or fruit. Cheesecake sometimes serves as a groom's cake. The decoration of the cake may reflect the favorite hobby or interest of a groom, or be used for humorous effect, as depicted in the film adaptation of Steel Magnolias, in which a red velvet cake was fashioned in the shape of an armadillo. The groom's cake is often served at a separate table from the wedding cake at a wedding reception, though it may be served as a dessert for a rehearsal dinner.

Somewhat mirroring legend associated with wedding cakes, a young lady who sleeps with a slice of groom's cake under her pillow will supposedly dream of the man she will marry.

It appears that everyone is right. Those different ways of presenting a groom's cake are likely regional, in any case.

BrandisBaked Posted 2 Oct 2007 , 5:24pm

I think we (as decorators who often get used for free cakes) are too close to the situation to see it how the bride does...

If the friend was making the bride's dress because she was an awesome seamstress (and doing it as a gift) and you offered to help (obviously you are offering your help for free as well) with the dress... but they asked you if you could make the veil instead, and you said 'yes'... where would she get the idea that you wanted to be paid for it?

As you said, you have only been doing cakes for a very short time, so in her mind you are not a professional. If you suddenly hand her a bill as though you were a vendor (when she asked a favor, and not contracted for services), she has every right to feel slighted. Her reaction was uncalled for and very immature, but her feelings are understandable.

I think a lot of us may be hyper-sensitive to this situation because of all the cakes we either give away or undercharge for because we don't speak up when we should. When those things happen, it is OUR fault. (I have been guilty as well)

princessdepastel Posted 2 Oct 2007 , 11:03pm

ok i have been watching this topic very closely, being as i want to know what u think. i seemed to have assumed that yall actually know me and what my life is life is like. i forgot to say (and i think this is what is very important here) that i recently (about a month before this all happened) decided to divorce my violent husband. he is not sending cild support and i have 2 children under the age of 2. most ppl would expect their best friend to be there for them in such a hard time. i had already spent over $150 for the wedding and was goign to end up spending over $300 in the end (not including the cake). she knew i was totally broke and of course i knew i had to pay for the dress, shoes, and jewlrey and to get my hair done and my nails done where she wanted to get it done. plus a present... i was already in the hole. she knew this the whole time. and then got mad at me saying "its not MY fault that u cant afford this!" so i think that is a big reason all of this is soooo messed up. oh well, its over now. shes getting married this weekend. hope it rains! lol.just thought yall should know more of the details that make me more right here.

springlakecake Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 11:59am

Your friend sounds very she?

Never in my wildest dreams would I expect or even ask a friend to do grooms cake to feed 200 people for free. If a friend CAME to me and offered to do it as a gift that would be one thing, but to assume that you would is rediculous.

jibbies Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 12:16pm

As another southener lets remember that even in the south there are differences within the region. In Eastern NC where we lived for 25 years before we moved to Ga. last summer the grooms cake; if they had one, was served at the rehersal dinner the evening before the wedding. That doesn't mean its wrong to have it at the wedding, or for the groom to take it home. Its just a custom thing in the area.
In ENC when there is a death in the family a spray of white flowers are placed on the front porch to let everyone know that there has been a death in the family, shortly after we moved to G a family down the street put a beautiful spray of whte flowers out on the porch, (they happen to go to our church) so I called our pastor and asked about the flowers and what I knew it had meant where we came from. Glad I did, Here it just means that they put white flowers on the porch icon_lol.gif So be careful before you hasteily say someone is wrong. Lets hear all CCers and appreciate our differences, even in customs.

lionladydi Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 12:16pm

By saying, "I'd be glad to do the groom's cake if you'll pay for the supplies" would have avoided the whole problem. But then, you know what they say about hindsight. Whether you are going through a rough time or not, I would have assumed you were doing it for free. I think this is a total lack of communication and I think she was not really your friend or she would not have reacted this way. Demand your money back on your dress and chalk this up to experience.


cakes47 Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 1:43pm

I too would have thought you were going to do the cake free in light of the conversation you joined.
I also wouldn't have expected the bride b...h to react so nastily when asked for the supply money.
Truthfully, you're better off without a ''friend'' like that. You know the old adage, ''With friends like that, who needs enemies''. SO TRUE
She also needs to give you back your money for the dress. You should save all those remarks she has made at ''My Space''.
I don't use those sites but isn't there a way to block people you don't want posting there???
Just keep smiling, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

DelightsByE Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 2:08pm
Originally Posted by kansaslaura

You stepped in and offered your services free at that point to help with that cake. When she asked if you would make the grooms cake, it was during the same conversation as the free wedding cake and your offer to help, free...correct??

actually, Kansaslaura, she didn't offer her services, she was asked to "help". It's different.

Originally Posted by princessdepastel

i said i would HELP decorate the wedding cake when jay asked me if i would. then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. (wouldnt u automatically think she was going to pay for it?)

I admit it could have gone either way, and could have been nipped in the bud perhaps by inserting the following sentence:

"..... then she changed her mind and said "hey why dont u make my grooms cake!" i said sure. "What do you have in mind for a budget for this cake?"

of course hindsight is 20/20, and it's tragic that a bridezilla with an entitlement complex could ruin what was presumably a perfectly good friendship. Weddings can do that to some people. icon_mad.gif

incidentally, this is also one of the reasons I avoid myspace.... icon_lol.gif

DelightsByE Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 2:10pm

sorry lionladydi - didn't mean to step on your train icon_redface.gificon_lol.gif

elvis Posted 3 Oct 2007 , 2:17pm

Wow- that's an unbelieveable story. You are much better off without her as your friend. How immature to post things about you on if you all are in 9th grade!

I see how the misunderstanding happened...and the fact that she didn't try to work things out shows that she wasn't much of a friend to begin with.

If it were me, I wouldn't mess with suing for the $... unless you want to prolong the battle. I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and erase her from my life completely. And by the way, with a temper like that, I'm guessing this marriage will be short lived!

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