And She Calls Me Her Best Friend!!??!! Long Vent

Decorating By Shaynamills Updated 12 Sep 2007 , 11:23pm by daltonam

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mezzaluna Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 5:02am
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Real friends don't act like pigs.

Cut your losses, you'll feel much better and have more energy.

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novacaine24 Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 6:50am
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Honey, you come be my best friend, we'll enjoy our cake together, and I'll tell her to kiss BOTH our a$$es! You deserve better thumbs_up.gif

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jules06 Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 11:32am
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I think both your cakes were fabulous !! Who goes on a diet when it's your birthday anyway ??!! or christmas , easter, mothers' day, fathers' day.........

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Shaynamills Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:05pm
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Oh how I love all you ladies here!! Why can't we all be closer and go eat cake together? icon_cry.gif
I agree, who goes on a diet on your birthday, please!
My husband has been telling me to cut my losses with her and move on and I guess I just needed to hear it from some others perspective.
Her reason for requesting a cake was she said she thought I was throwing her a real birthday party and not some cook out that I just invited her to at the last minute. What? It wasn't last minute. Anyways when she realized it wasn't for her then she didn't really care about having a cake and stuff. icon_mad.gif
So basically my efforts were not good enough for her. Oh well icon_sad.gif

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butternut Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:13pm
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Oh, so it appears that she wouldn't accept her birthday cake because the party wasn't "all" about her. This was her way of saying "it's everything or nothing". Hmmm, yep, I think you really need to take a close look at this friendship.

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Ladivacrj Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:24pm
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So in others words you buying some very nice gifts and being there for her is not enough.

Tell her to go pound rock salt. Find a new friend and move on.

Sometimes you have to let some people go, I had to learn that the hard way.

And as my grandmother would say "feed some of them off of a long handled spoon".

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mgdqueen Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:35pm
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Your hubby is a smart man...cut your losses and move on. I have had "friends" that way before. I had to do a serious reflection on who I REALLY want in my life. Those that I can talk to, laugh with, give and take with, those I can call for a favor and they can do the same-but NEVER say "you owe me", and the others I can say are only aquaintences. They do not do anything for me, do not help ME when I need it but expect me to jump and run...I don't have time for those people.

Now, as far as your "friend", she must be so completely miserable with herself and her life that she is making everyone else feel as rotten as she does. She does NOT have an excuse to be such a witch. Here's another thought...no model scarfs 3 hotdogs, unless she's ralphing them back up later. She has serious issues. DO NOT let her bring you down in her wallows of the deep.

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SweetResults Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:35pm
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If she wanted burgers at the party she should have offered to BRING them. I don't think I have a friend that does not ask "What can I bring?" everytime I invite them to a party or just over for dinner.

If she was on a diet and not eating cake she never should have said what flavor she would like "in case anyone was making a cake for her".

They were very cute cakes. Even if she did not want to eat it at home she could have brought it into work or something. She probably did not want to be seen leaving with a cake and having people think that she would be sitting up at midnight scarfing it down alone (which she would have been!!)

Don't feel bad - you are sweet - she is not. I would have taken your cake home icon_wink.gif

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kathys90 Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 2:50pm
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"She was appreciative of the necklace and the money (the gift certificate) thankfully. she said that they are broke and hadn't eaten much in the past 2 days."

Okay, I'm confused about her cancelling the manicure with you. You gave her the money to have it done, but she told you she didn't have the money???? What'd she do, cash the gift certificate in????? What an INGRATE!

Everyone else is right, cut your losses on this one! No one deserves to be treated like that!

Your cake was lovely! You can bake for any one of us anytime! icon_wink.gif

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famousamous Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 6:43pm
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She sounds as nutty as a fruit cake! lol

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Katrinagarrett1980 Posted 11 Sep 2007 , 11:33pm
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Okay.... I am going to get yelled at...I can tell.

Sometimes you do have to "cut your losses" and step away from a friendship, but sometimes you have a friend that is in a bad spot and needs you.....and you have to put up with the crap.

I will write more later....I have more to say....but my little ones are fussing!!!

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step0nmi Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:13am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrinagarrett1980

Okay.... I am going to get yelled at...I can tell.

Sometimes you do have to "cut your losses" and step away from a friendship, but sometimes you have a friend that is in a bad spot and needs you.....and you have to put up with the crap.

I will write more later....I have more to say....but my little ones are fussing!!!


I can agree with that!
And sometimes we go above and beyond all the time and WE don't know it ourselves. Sometimes we need to take a step back and say..."Was I trying too hard?"
I think in this case though she was selfish and was not taking in account how much the OP had gone through for her!

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dupart30 Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:15am
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oh my gosh you have got to be kidding me. no wonder she is having marital problems. that was just down right mean of her. you took your time and made her a beautiful cake. talk about ungrateful. sorry you had to go through that.
I liked your watermelon cake too, very cool. thumbs_up.gif

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cmeridge Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:24am
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I know how you feel. icon_eek.gif I had a friend who completely took advantage of me all the time. The sad thing she does it to everyone. I quit the friendship, I just couldn't take it any longer. I once got an email questionair that you read what the sender wrote and then you fill it out and send it. Well one question was what are you good at? she wrote that she was good at making people upset and not knowing why. Let's just say I didn't respond. There is more to the story, but not going there. I have more important things to worry about than her. BTW she is my next door neighbor. (we live in the country so she's down the road, not right next door.) I wave when I see her, but that is as far as it goes. Sorry , I sometimes babble. icon_redface.gif

Good Luck with what ever you choose to do with her friendship. I say move on. thumbs_up.gif

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LiliS Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:25am
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message posted twice icon_confused.gif

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LiliS Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:26am
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sometimes in life we need to let go of the dream of a best friend. Respect is the most crucial thing in a friendship and I see very little of it comeing from her.

I had to make the hardest decision some years ago and cut my toxic best friend out of my life. It was hard, but it was worth it in the end, for my own peace of mind.

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cakenutz Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:39am
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Shayna there are lessons that God wants us to learn in all things. I've found when God is really moving in my life or more like when I'm moving into the LOrd alot of bad things happen for me to overcome and have a chance to react to a situation the way he'd have me to. Life is learning and learning to show Christ love in all things. thumbs_up.gif

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GI Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:50am
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Wow! Let's be friends! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif We can eat cake (albeit in our own homes...miles apart from each other...but who cares!) and have a grand time being cyber pals!!!

So now why? Gee, anyone who has Bible studies in their home can't be all that bad!! And the fact they like to party & have yummy cake is just a bonus!!

icon_wink.gif

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rosiecakes Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 4:26am
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OK so I read this whole thread and I am sorry this happened to you, but it also brought to mind an email a friend sent me lately. Sorry its a little long but I think it's pretty cool and appropriate:

Let it go for 2008...by T. D. Jakes


There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that,

They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were
not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.

[1John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their
part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part
in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the
tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful,
it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have,
He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .. LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents .. LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ...LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need
to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past..... As former thing's will get you no where!

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mommachris Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 6:18am
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Thanks for sharing that Rosie.
Good advise, God advise!

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mommachris

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lardbutt Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 12:51pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaynamills

Quote:
Originally Posted by butternut

Just out of curiosity, how did she react to the wonderful gifts that you gave her? Hopefully, she was a bit more appreciative.



She was appreciative of the necklace and the money (the gift certificate) thankfully.

I totally forgot to write one thing that she did tell me. While we were eating these so good hot dogs that are really gross at the same time icon_biggrin.gif she said that they are broke and hadn't eaten much in the past 2 days. Then she said, "Why do you think we came here today?, so we could eat for free."

Now, I love going to parties where food is being served because yes you get to eat for free but that would never be the main reason I go and if for some reason it was, I would never ever ever tell the host that. OMG!!! I am embarassed for her.

Yes I am a Christian and she and I are apart of the same church, I actually undershephered her through our church's class and have been there for her for a lot of things. However, no where in the Bible does it say to lay down and be a door mat for Jesus. Christ didn't let people use him or walk all over him, he confronted it lovingly. I was loving to her when she said she didn't want my cake after specifically asking for it. I smiled and said that's ok I'm sure I'd find someone who would want this cake of love. thumbs_up.gif And I did, my DH!

Mimi,
that sucks you had to go through that. Yes, I'd like to consider myself a very giving person, I love to give!! But it does takes the joy out of it when you get hurt from someone you love.

I am planning on giving her the opportunity to explain her words and actions and apologize and as long as that happens then everything will be ok in my book, pending it doesn't keep happening of course. And if she doesn't see her error then it will be clear to me that I may be her best friend but she isn't being a friend to me. Which is sad because I do love her and want to see her succeed in all she does.




I am a Christian also, and agree you should not be a doormat! Your "friend" is acting very childish and self-centered, but she deserves a friend...............let my clarify!.........She deserves a true friend that loves and cares for her enough to tell her to stop acting like a spoiled brat and grow up!!!!!!!!

We would all be better off if we could just be honest with each other, not mean, but honest. Of course, this is way easier said that done! icon_wink.gif

I also agree with the previous post about her marriage! No wonder! Who wants to be married to someone like that? Poor man! This tells me she has a real problem that needs to be dealt with.

JMO, MessyBaker

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daltonam Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 1:16pm
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i'm really sorry this happened to you..you know your friend better than any of us, so i can say "i hope that her attitude was because of her martial problems" but only you know how she acts all of time. to me she seems really confused at what a friend is. i hope that one day she'll realize true friends are hard to find. icon_rolleyes.gif


on to a question i have....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaynamills

I know it's rude to not eat what's served at a party




really icon_confused.gif because i don't always eat what's served, now let me clarify that ALL MOST everyone knows i don't eat beef & pork, so if they have a party with hamburgers & hotdogs, i don't eat BUT NEVER EVER EVER do i complain. my bestest friend has went out of her way to fix me chicken at times & at other times she's told me she felt bad that she didn't have any to fix (& chicken is expensive, so i know she didn't have the extra money for it after planning a party) YOU KNOW WHAT I TELL HER--i tell her "that is perfectly okay with me, you have chips, dip, lettuce & tomatoes, so i have something to eat" i've also told her that "it's my decision not to eat something & so i should eat at home if i can't wait"--LOL it's not her fault.


now nothing i just said has anything to really do with your friend, expect maybe, you need one like me icon_lol.gif well, maybe not, i'm not without my problems icon_twisted.gif


hope thing are going better....or will be better with your friend, one day she might just realized she has one.

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stellaz Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 9:56pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solecito

Your cake is lovely, she didn't deserve it.




I totally agree with this but would like to add, she doesn't deserve YOU!!!

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Shaynamills Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 10:33pm
post #54 of 55

Wow, thank you everyone for your advise and sharing your opinions and personal stories, espcially Rosie's TD Jakes sharing. It's great that we can draw on one another's experiences to make the best decision for our own situation.

And no Katrina, in no way would I yell at you for sharing your opinion nor do I think it's a bad one, honestly no one gave bad advise. Each person has to make a decision at some point though on whether or not to continue. My decision after prayer and talking things over with my DH is to confront her childish behaviour and let her know how it hurt my heart. Let her know I love her and I'm her friend and will continue to be so. I know we all go through bad times and we all hurt the ones we love whether we intend to or not, it just happens sometimes. However, it would mean a lot to me for her to not continue to be the way she has been with me and if it's something that she can't change then I will have to give myself space from her. That is not what I want but it is what I'm willing to do if someone can't agree to try and make an effort to not hurt me, cancel plans on me, and just plain be rude to me.

Like messybaker stated, as friends we should be able to be honest with each other. I love having my close friends that I can vent to, be bitchy too, be moody with, and still laugh at the end of the day cause they know it's not personal, I just am having a bad day. So if I am ever this way more than what a bad day calls for then I would want them to be honest with me and tell me to snap out of it.

Daltonam: I took a etiquette class (think Emily Post) and in the class it was taught that to not partake of what the hosts has served can be an insult to that host. Kind of like not burping after a meal in some cultures is and insult to the cook icon_razz.gif
There are going to be things that people are allegic to or can't eat because of personal and religious reasons, or digestive reasons or just plain ole taste bud reasons and it isn't rude to pass on that particular thing. But they taught to show respect and to not make a scene when passing on that item. Like, don't say oh, no I can't have that because of (insert reason). Like, I'm on a diet. icon_lol.gif
Just smile and keep passing it. So what's rude is not the part of not eating it, but bringing attention to the fact that you aren't eating it. I should have been more clear when I wrote that statement. I should have said I know it's rude to not eat something at a party and tell everyone in front of the host why I'm not eating it. That's embarrassing from the host, at least it is for me because I'm thinking, I should have know that. Ok, so now I'm rambling.

I love you ladies and love this site and would love to make each one of you my dear and close friend and make you a cake and eat it together and share laughs and stories.
Shayna

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daltonam Posted 12 Sep 2007 , 11:23pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaynamills

So what's rude is not the part of not eating it, but bringing attention to the fact that you aren't eating it. I should have been more clear when I wrote that statement. I should have said I know it's rude to not eat something at a party and tell everyone in front of the host why I'm not eating it. That's embarrassing from the host, at least it is for me because I'm thinking, I should have know that. Ok, so now I'm rambling.




NOW THIS IS SO TOTALLY AGREE WITH icon_biggrin.gif

thank you, i was just worried that my friend might have ever thought i was being rude. no i've never acted like your friend did to you--i never say anything. like i said before, if she makes a comment about HER not having anything for me, I ALWAYS might sure she doesn't feel bad.


all this said---i never asked you to make you feel bad & i realized you were referring to her general attitude toward everything.

BTW-i hope that she'll receive what you have to say to her with an open heart, because you sound so sincere icon_wink.gif

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