I too know how you feel! I work in a bakery at a casino...My boss asked me & a co-worker to do a wedding cake for another employee in a different dept. I had NEVER done a wedding cake but my co-worker did have some experiance at it. So we said ok to a 4 tiered square plain & simple one! They would transport & set up & add flowers to it to cover up the cracks ect. We got nothing in return not even a thank you. So we said we would not do that again. BUT we did. This time for another person in another dept. only a 4 teir round cake & also 2 6 in. Rd. Grooms cakes! And again in return we got nothing. We even told her we wanted a pic of it put together... She brought pics in for us to see but never offered a copy to us. I was upset by this & feel that what we do is an art & like you said most people have to pay something for a wedding cake. Although I had never done one before I thought they turned out ok & were worth something even a sincere thank you would have made my day!!Sorry this is so long...guess I am venting too! P.S. The pics I have are the ones we took in the cooler!
My husband's family can be wonderful, but they are a bunch of moochers. I learned my lesson the hard way that I charge for the cost of ingredients for anything I do for them, but my time is free. One SIL is awesome and always gives me a huge "tip" when she pays for ingreds. She has even purchased new shaped pans at Michael's so I can make something for her kids in it and lets me keep the pan. I don't mind baking for her at all! Even her kids are gracious! I get thanks and hugs and the whole nine yards from them. 
The rest I know want to gripe about were there any leftover scraps or frosting that I'm keeping that they got stuck paying for, but they know better. In fact, just this week my FIL was in my kitchen looking over a partial half sheet I planned to practice on and asked when I was going to get it finished so he could take some home. I asked him what happened to all the anniversary cake I made (replica of their wedding cake--there was a ton left) and I didn't get to take any extra home even though others did. Yeah, it was in the freezer. Well, defrost that sucker, 'cuz this one's mine! And don't let the door hit ya on the way out! 
The nerve of some people! How my SIL and DH came out of that family I'll never know!
My situation isn't a wedding cake but 2 different baby shower cakes for coworkers that had their showers back to back.
This is going to lengthy in order to give the entire story.
I was asked about making cupcakes for the 1st mom to be whose shower was being held outside of work with her family. Later, I was told her aunt was going to make the cake but if I wanted, I could still do them for the shower to be held at work. I said sure, that's fine.
Another coworker asked me what I charge to do cakes because she wanted me to bake the cake for the 2nd mom to be. I told her it depends on what you want. She wanted a shaped cake and even had the pan that I could bake it in. I didn't even discuss prices with her but when I came into work the next day she had left an envelope with $20 in it for me. She sent me an email that said she was sure my cakes were worth $50 to $100 but she wasn't going to pay me what a cake is worth and that the $20 was a donation for ingredients for the cake for the 2nd mom to be. She mentioned that she knew I was making the cake or cupcakes for the 1st mom to be. To be honest, I was a little offended at her remarks and thought well, I will just bake a $20 cake. I responded with a thank you for the $20 but also mentioned that I use the finest ingredients as well as the "wow" factor with decorating. I baked an 8 inch layer cake, not the shaped character cake because she couldn't find the pan, and decorated it with store bought decorations, no "wow" factor.
For the 1st mom to be, the shower was a safari theme so I baked a 10 inch layer cake with the zebra stripe effect, and decorated with a combination of molded chocolate and royal icing accent flowers and butterflies. I didn't discuss payment about it because the person who asked me about making it has bought cupcakes from me in the past and knew my pricing. I sent her an email and told her even though I decided on the cake I would still charge her the same price as I would have for the cupcakes. This is when the whole situation got "sticky", so to speak.
The person giving the 2nd mom to be a shower was supposed to pay for both shower cakes! She even told the friend of the 1st mom to be that it was all taken care of and she paid for it! She never mentioned to me making the cake for the other shower. I had no idea of any of this. I feel as if someone thought they could take advantage of my talent and services. Not only that, it has put me in a very uncomfortable position. Also, somehow, someone thought that I "offered" to make the cake for the 1st mom to be.
The gal that initially asked me about making cupcakes for the 1st mom to be gave me some money toward the cake and was quite unhappy when I told her I was only paid $20 for one cake. I know this girl would never do something like this and try to take advantage of me. I don't want to cause any hard feelings or lose a good customer either but I feel bad now for taking money from her. I am considering giving her the money back. I don't want any hard feelings, I work with her and she's a sweet person. We were both basically lied to. I just don't know how to handle this, any advice?
Even when the cake is 100% free, I have them sign a contract. I tell them it's so we have a meeting of the minds about flavor, filling, size, decor, etc. I include the price it would have cost and then a "discount" line.
Most people (sadly) have no idea what a cake really costs.
Well, I didn't LET anyone take advantage of me at all....I received full payment. It won't happen again, I'm taking your advice. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post 
Over several years, I too have done several wedding cakes, shower cakes as my 'gift' for family members and close friends. However, my number one rule is NOT to let them know I'm giving the cake as a 'gift' until after they design the cake. That way, the cake is within their budget and not 'over the to' because its free.
Sometimes they struggle trying to figure out the exact cake they want (what size? what flavor? filled or not? fondant or buttercream? what design? live, fondant or silk flowers?, etc).
I absolutely let them hash all that out between themselves, giving them my opinion when they ask. THEN, after they have decided on their perfect cake, I ask them if they will allow me to provide the cake as my gift to them. No one has ever turned me down. As a matter of fact, they are usually so relived that the Bride usually cries. I think its very much appreciated and you can tell its a burden lifted. I always put a card in the gift box saying 'hope you enjoy the cake...it was my pleasure to do it for your most important day".
Most times I do get a Thank You but not always.
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I recently heard on TV of a trend starting where the wedding invitations will say "A minimum $50 gift required to attend"
Has this caught on in these past seven years?? I would want to drive over and punch them in the nose, if I ever got an invitation that had that on there! And, I most definitely would NOT be attending!!!
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Original message sent by cazza1
I also hate the invitations that insist no gifts, cash only.
AWe were invited to a wedding last summer by a friend who had told us before he got engaged that typical US wedding etiquette was to give a gift worth twice what the host had spent per person on the wedding!
I ended up finding their registry that they did for family, but didnt publicize to anyone else, and bought some items to help them complete that. At the reception there was a table with two gifts on it, and a big box full of cash. I didn't feel bad about not spending his 'expected amount' because we had to spend a fortune on a sitter as they didn't want kids at the reception, and on gas going to the city and back twice (had to take the kids home after the ceremony). Then to top it off, one of the guests at our table ate half my dinner, and then had a go at us for sitting in the wrong seat, an hour after they had told us we could sit there! And they only had crappy cupcakes, which I didn't make.
AHow are you supposed to know what they spent per person? I never even broke it down, but it was probably about $15. I never expect gifts, if it is obligated, then it isn't a gift. It is payment.
Last year, for my boys' birthday party, a boy who first said he could come, called and said he couldn't because he didn't have a gift! That is awful! I talked to his dad and told him that we were inviting people to have them bring gifts, we invited them to share their birthday and have a nice time, and to eat the giant cake I make every year!
He mentioned it was in the 3 figure department. My husband and I were just looking at each other, hoping we wouldn't be invited! And then wishing we'd known him way back when we got married, because that would have been a nice gift (cost was around $5000 for 75 guests).
How are you supposed to know what they spent per person? I never even broke it down, but it was probably about $15. I never expect gifts, if it is obligated, then it isn't a gift. It is payment.
Last year, for my boys' birthday party, a boy who first said he could come, called and said he couldn't because he didn't have a gift! That is awful! I talked to his dad and told him that we were NOT inviting people to have them bring gifts, we invited them to share their birthday and have a nice time, and to eat the giant cake I make every year!
Can't edit But I changed it to what I meant to say, in bold! Ugh.
He mentioned it was in the 3 figure department. My husband and I were just looking at each other, hoping we wouldn't be invited! And then wishing we'd known him way back when we got married, because that would have been a nice gift (cost was around $5000 for 75 guests).
That is nuts! Unless you have it, and aren't needing to "make it all make" in the form of "gifts". Because starting your marriage in huge dept is sort of a bad move!
He mentioned it was in the 3 figure department. My husband and I were just looking at each other, hoping we wouldn't be invited! And then wishing we'd known him way back when we got married, because that would have been a nice gift (cost was around $5000 for 75 guests).
That is nuts! Unless you have it, and aren't needing to "make it all make" in the form of "gifts". Because starting your marriage in huge debt is sort of a bad move!
God,I love this site..... I go to change my dyslexic p into a b, in "dept", to change it to the correct "debt", and it creates a new post.
AI knew what you meant! We had a fancy wedding because it was what my dying grandma wanted, she didn't leave me anything to pay for it though! But I'm glad we did it. I almost wish we had asked for money, one guest gave us a half eaten jar of biscotti. For reals.
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Original message sent by kikiandkyle
I knew what you meant! We had a fancy wedding because it was what my dying grandma wanted, she didn't leave me anything to pay for it though! But I'm glad we did it. I almost wish we had asked for money, one guest gave us a half eaten jar of biscotti. For reals.
I always bring practical gifts because I never know what tastes people have. And I am a picky bi----, myself! I bring diapers to baby showers, and I have brought an emergency jump starter, multi-tools, coffee makers, and car maintenance gift cards to weddings, lol.
For my little brother's birthday, when He was paying his way through college, I got him gifts like 6 cases of Ramen Noodle and a 48 pack of double roll toilet paper ;-) for my mom, I regift the crap I got from other people, but she does the same to me, that's where I got the idea!
AThey had flown in from overseas, like most of my guests did. They gave us a box of tea which was a bit dinged up and the biscotti, we thought maybe they forgot a gift and robbed the local coffee shop last minute!
Usually I try to help complete the registry, so if they got dishes and maybe nobody bought the bowls I get that, and something to go in them. The couple in question got the missing towels, and some fancy soaps and a nice basket. For babies, I usually crochet or knit them a blanket.
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