Can Anyone Help Me Grow A Backbone!
Decorating By bncncnmn Updated 26 Aug 2007 , 11:13pm by Blue0877
I NEED HELP I CAN'T SEEM TO SAY NO TO MY FAMILY! My niece ask the other day if I would make her uncle a cake mind you I don't even like this guy he makes my skin crawl My husband said sure for 35 dollars she said, can't I just buy the supplies he told her no. Fast forward to today when her mother called and said you need to make my brother a cake and I don't have the money to pay you I will buy your supplies. And I caved in so quick. I don't think I will ever have a backbone I always let people walk all over me. I think the worst part is I feel like they are saying that my cakes are not worth the money that I charge. I have told them that I am really new to decorating and it takes me about 3 hours just for a simple cake. I know that my cakes aren't the best but I still think they should pay me for my time. SOme time s I can't stand my family. Sorry for ranting so long. 
I'm sure its tough saying no to family or friends. Once I had a friend who is a website designer ask me to make her a cake (again) and I told her sure 'after she gave me a free website.' She said it wasn't the same as websites take alot of work, creativity, server costs, etc...
So next time someone asks you for something for free ask them to balance your checkbook, clean your house, walk your dog, etc... May sound a bit nasty, but it weeds 'em out and gets your point across (usually you'll laugh about it together).
You do not 'need' to make him a cake.
Nobody 'needs' a cake.
If he did 'need' a cake, it's not your responsibility to provide it.
You however, DO need to be paid for your time.
Your niece agreed to pay $35, she must pay or no cake for her - If you start our supplying them for free, you will be doing so forever.
You need to do some bud nippin'--really quick. If you keep agreeing to give your friends and family freebies, that's what they will continue to expect. Don't be a doormat for them. You can do it--nip this thing in the bud--you'll be so glad you did and you won't be resentful, angry, or feel used anymore!!!
Two imporant words we must learn to say and ask of ourselves:
No and So?
Practice the no. It doesn't hurt. 
Remember, they most likely know they can run over you and bully you into doing things. That in and of itself should get your riled up. Make a list of things that go on for you to decorate - ingredients, time, sacrifice, etc. Is it all worth someone telling you what you are going to do?
When you start down that thinking of "well I should because they'll be mad...they'll tell so-n-so...things won't go as they planned....etc..etc." - that's when you ask yourself - "so?"
They will have to get over it. They will see you are not going to take thing lying down. They will respect you. Yeah, they may talk or whatever but you just have to block those Debbie Downers out.
I know it's hard to say no right when they ask you. I have that problem too. But it's not so hard to call afterwards and say "I'm sorry but I won't be able to make that cake for you after all. Something's come up." 
I've done that just a couple of times but I feel so much better afterwards. I was listening to john tesh yesterday and he says to tell people "let me get back to you on that". and that buys you a little time to think about it.
I like the motto some of the CCers have adopted:
"If I offer, it's free; if you ask, you pay!"
I make free cakes for family all the time, but it's MY idea and it's on my terms. If anyone ever demanded that I make a cake for free (buying ingredients doesn't count--still free), I would say "see ya!" It's not easy to do that with family, but a relationship where one person is stomping on another is not a healthy one.
I used to be a member of the "Can't Say 'No' " club but was cured when I came to realize:
-I deserve more than to allow others to impose upon/take advantage of me
-I deserve to set the terms of what I will do, when I will do it and for whom
-I should expect more from myself
-Saying 'No' allows others the opportunity to say 'Yes' (I got this last one from Guideposts.)
You can do it!
You know the sadest part is they won't ask infront of my husband because they know he will tell them to forget it. Now I have to figure a reason that I can tell her that I won't make her the cake. Heaven forbid that I would tell her the truth that I just don't want to. You know the worst part is that I have also taught my 2 girls to be just like me always try to please everyone.
If he needs the cake so bad and she can afford the supplies, why doesn't she just bake it herself? Or are the mix instructions printed in a verbage unknown to her?
ok my two cents is let her buy the supplies for the cake , you buy a 12x8 foil sheetcake pan from the dollar store mix some better crocker mix and bake. Slap on some store brought icing, you were asked to make a cake not the cake you would make trust me this works ! you will never have to bake another family cake again unless you want to if she does not have the money to pay for the cake then she does not have the money to pay for the supplies. You can supply her a list make sure you put everything on it parchment, cake rounds foil , papertowels, sugar , eggs butter and specify the most expensive brands you can think of and stress on the list that you can not make the cake if the list is not followed to the T. By the time she leaves the store its going to cost her 40-70 dollars to find it all ! 
Well, I live pretty far away from most of my family (can you say Black Sheep?) so I don't get this too much from my family (except for my mom, who takes it upon herself to volunteer me to make wedding cakes whenever a cousin gets engaged....but so far none of them has taken the offer, much to my relief!) However, I do have a good friend in town who occasionally will ask me to make cakes for her, and I haven't charged her anything......because her hubby fixes my computer whenever it has issues and she frequently picks up the tab when we get together for lunch. Now, if she were to ask for a huge elaborate cake I would surely charge her for it.... But so far, I don't feel she has taken advantage or anything.
Tomay, you rock!! Laughing so hard here. Let me add to the list: Dish Soap for clean up, box of toothpics for testing cake, can of Baker's Pride, food color, disposable piping bags, oven cleaner, (might spill something), a diet coke (I get thirsty decorating you know!)... anyone else??
Tomay, you rock!! Laughing so hard here. Let me add to the list: Dish Soap for clean up, box of toothpics for testing cake, can of Baker's Pride, food color, disposable piping bags, oven cleaner, (might spill something), a diet coke (I get thirsty decorating you know!)... anyone else??
I do this everytime some demans i give them a better price, even though I have all the stuff on hand I make them buy it anyway. Even tubs of gumpaste , cutters, fondant, oh yea and yearbooks to !
people dont realize that time is money. whether you are an amateur or not. Why would you spend your precious time making a cake for nothing when you could be spending this time with your family.
tell them that if they would like for you to make the cake then they have to pay you. If not then there are numerous supermarket bakeries that they can buy one from.
You already said you dont like him so why would you bend over backwards and let them push you around?
Put your foot down you will feel relieved!
However, I do have a good friend in town who occasionally will ask me to make cakes for her, and I haven't charged her anything......because her hubby fixes my computer whenever it has issues and she frequently picks up the tab when we get together for lunch. Now, if she were to ask for a huge elaborate cake I would surely charge her for it.... But so far, I don't feel she has taken advantage or anything.
Well, see, that's different! That's called an exchange of services. She doesn't sound like someone who takes advantage. We all need friends (and family) like that!
Tomay,
That's to funny. She informed me that she wants the really big breast cake that takes me so long to make. What I should do is melt some ex-lax and pretend that its a new chocolate frosting that I'm trying. Bet she would stop asking me then.
ok then add two little debbie cupcakes and add nipples on top of the 12X18 cake. I would do no more . or like I said give her that list boast how happy you are to do the cake for materials , and girlfriend pad that list unless she bakes cake she has no idea what goes into them and if she ask make something up she does not respect you so I say have some fun I promise once she has to fork over 50 plus dollars for supplies she will either call you and say nevermind or you will never get a call from her again.
Tomay, you rock!! Laughing so hard here. Let me add to the list: Dish Soap for clean up, box of toothpics for testing cake, can of Baker's Pride, food color, disposable piping bags, oven cleaner, (might spill something), a diet coke (I get thirsty decorating you know!)... anyone else??
Make sure you include the pans, tips, etc. you'll be using even if you already have them and take out for dinner so you don't have to cook because I never feel like cooking after spending all day on a cake.
If they aren't asking in front of your husband they know that you're weak about it and are taking advantage.
I'm mean, I don't sell often but I'm also not going to do something I don't want. I made a comment to my husband a few months ago that there are only two single people I'll make a wedding cake for cost left (my two younger brothers) and he asked what about his cousins, I told him that if one of them needs a wedding cake I'll let him use all my stuff.
Now guys the point is to make her buy the stuff , waste her time in the supply store or grocery store purchasing the items and then make her bring them to you ! The more you put them out the better chance you have at them calling you and saying NEVERMIND ! Trust me this is a proven no fail way to get people to open their little cheap eyes and join the rest of the world. Now with that said this can backfire and you will have to make the stupid cake but at least you will have all the neat extras you asked for. I always slip some sort of flower cutter on the list to
I agree 100% with TOMAY...make a list and put every single thing you need (even if you already have t) cause you will always be able to use it on future cakes. If she doesn't have enough respect for your time and talent than make her pay one way or the other.
I am also the type who lets people walk over me too...but I am working on it!!
Now guys the point is to make her buy the stuff , waste her time in the supply store or grocery store purchasing the items and then make her bring them to you ! The more you put them out the better chance you have at them calling you and saying NEVERMIND ! Trust me this is a proven no fail way to get people to open their little cheap eyes and join the rest of the world. Now with that said this can backfire and you will have to make the stupid cake but at least you will have all the neat extras you asked for. I always slip some sort of flower cutter on the list to
I say thins in the mosy platonic of ways cake decorator to decorator...
I love you to death!
newbie to decorating or not your work is fantastic. it's clean, prestine, and just plain amazing. you should be compensated for your work. we've all been where you are at and it's not easy, but if the shoe was on the other foot and you were asking them to do a cake i don't think they'd appreciate it if you were gonna just pay supplies. they know you'll cave because of your huge heart, which to have is great; until it starts medeling w/ your day to day life. be strong i know you can do it!!
Tomay,
That's to funny. She informed me that she wants the really big breast cake that takes me so long to make. What I should do is melt some ex-lax and pretend that its a new chocolate frosting that I'm trying. Bet she would stop asking me then.
You know the worst part is that I have also taught my 2 girls to be just like me always try to please everyone.
(Huffing and puffing, she drags her "Mom" soapbox out of the closet, gets her "Mom" finger in good wagging working order.....)
If you won't say "no" for your own sake, then you've GOT to do it for your kids! Is this what you want them to have learned to do when they are twelve and they are offered drugs, cigarettes and alcohol? Do you want them to "please everybody" the first time they start noticing boys?
Do you WANT them to be able to "just say no" when they are offered or invited to participate in things that they KNOW they shouldn't do, but they feel they "have" to anyway because mom taught them to please everyone???? With no regard to their own self-respect and sense of right and wrong???? 
Women are their own worst enemy. They are taught to "be nice" and not to hurt anyone's Feeeeeeeeeelings.
So I don't really care if you are going broke being a doormat for your family and doing all their cakes for free. I DO care that you are sending the wrong message to your kids.
--------------------
If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
---Margaret Thatcher
Your cakes are terrific. Now is the time to step up and say, "I enjoyed doing free cakes for a while as I was honing my skills, but now I am at a point where I am selling my cakes and I'm no longer taking requests for free cakes. What was a hobby before is now becoming somewhat of a business and my business manager (DH) is insisting that I be compensated for my time and energy." You can even thank her for helping you practice your skills and let her know how excited you are that she likes your cakes enough to support you in your business endeavor.
I am all for giving away free cakes - that's all I do as I haven't yet gotten to the level where I feel right charging and I just do cakes for friends and family anyway - but do free cakes for people that you WANT to give free cakes to. A free cake is a gift and I would never ASK someone to give me a gift therefore, your free cakes should only go to those you GIVE them to.
Sell yourself short, and everyone around you will, too.
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