Furious - Neighbour Thinks I'm Sleeping With Her Husband
Lounge By emmascakes Updated 30 Aug 2007 , 3:59am by emmascakes
I've come here to rant, if you're not up to reading a jolly good moan thn stop now and read about cake and sugar instead.
I live in a VERY small village - about 15 houses. I have a dog which I walk three/four times daily. So do several other neighbours. I often bump into Liam walking his dog and we chat and the dogs play together. We don't have much in common and we normally just talk about the dogs. We're both in our 30s.
Liam recently got married to Jo - I made the wedding cake (the moulin rouge one in my photos.) We went to the wedding also.
About three weeks ago it was peeing down with rain and I was out with my dog and so was Liam. We walked down the field nearest home together - about 3 metres apart. His new wife, Jo, entered the field and joked 'Is this a secret meeting?' I laughed. She wasn't joking. She started yelling at Liam 'Is this all pre-planned?' Obviously I felt really uncomfortable, made a hasty exit and they were still arguing when I left the field. She must have seen me walk past her house with the dog and knowing Liam was in the field she thought she'd 'catch us at it.'
I felt very unhappy when I got home and told my other half about it. I thought perhaps I had just misread the situation as I'm not always best at working out what people are on about.
Anyway I told my closest friend in the village about it last night as it was still bothering me. She looked a bit uncomfortable and said that she'd heard from a completely different neighbour that Jo thinks Liam and I are having an affair. Given the small amount of people in the village I guess everyone must know this, particularly since on of them has the biggest mouth in the world and she's the one who Jo originally told her fears to.
I'm absolutely LIVID. I don't think I've been so angry. Liam and I are bound to bump into each other, we both work full time and have dogs so the times we walk them are going to clash ocassionaly. I can't believe that the fact we ocassionally chat while walking the dogs makes her think I would cheat on my wonderful man with her balding, boring, short one. AND she's been telling people (she's a hairdresser and cuts everyone's hair) and basically bad mouthing me to the village.
Mandi, the one with the biggest mouth emailed me today about how I was. I had to say something and replied that I was ok although both Ade and I are a bit fed up with the village at the moment as Jo thinks I'm sleepng with her husband and 'gossips' are spreading this around. I wanted her to know that I know what people think and that I'm not happy about it. I didn't confront her about her gossiping directly as I'm too wimpy for that.
I'm so bloody angry. Honestly if you saw me walking the dog you'd laugh at the thought someone could cheat on their wife for me. I'm generally covered in sh*t from cows, wearing horrid wellies and a muddy coat with unbrushed hair and a slobbery dog toy in hand. Jo always looks immaculate and we couldn't have looked more different as she tottered into the field with her pink wellies, dyed hair and full make-up.
I had to almost physically restrain my other half from going round an yelling at her. This could make things very difficult in the village as we're all pretty close, or were. We all have barbeques and everyone's invited etc.
Jo and I get / got on ok. I don't go round there for cups of tea or anything, but she used to cut my hair and we'd stop for a chat if we met. I haven't seen Liam since, presumably he's banned from walking when 'strumpet-Emma' is about. Should I do anything? She's obviously got huge insecurity issues, especially given she's only just married the man. I feel that her issues shouldn't be made into my problem. I'm interested to see is Mandi replies to my email...
Sounds like a television soap opera without the lavish set designs. I don't think you needed to defend yourself to anyone Emma. Your friends will believe the truth, those who don't are not worth your while, no matter how small the village. Hold your head up, continue to walk your dog, and continue to say hello to Liam. Neither of you have done anything wrong, if his wife is this insecure about herself and her marriage there is nothing you can do to change that.
coming from a very small town, myself. I imagine you and liam are the talk of it, and will be for awhile. Personally if you have gotten along okay with liam's wife then maybe you should have a chat with her. Tell her you are sorry if your friendliness has been misinterpeted but that you are very much inlove with your man and are not looking for any other.
Right now if I saw her I'd have to hold my hand back from delivering a nice big slap. I'm a long way off havin a calm conversation with her. Maybe one day...
The interesting thing is that why would she want everyone to know about something so personal. Not saying that any of it is true but if it were why would you want the whole town talking about your business. I would not talk to her and I would probably punch her also!
Wow, she must have some MAJOR confidence and insecurity issues if she thinks her husband is having an affair from talking to someone!! She seems very controlling!
I agree with Shirley, continue on with your normal routine. These people need something better to do than gossipping about everyone!!
Why in the world would she want to go around talking about you and her DH having an affair when she had no proof? She must enjoy humilating herself. I can imagine how stupid she sounded when she thought she had "caught" you and her husband together. That woman is seriously deranged and if that man is any bit smart, he will hightail it and run the other direction from her.
it probably has nothing to do with you. it sounds like shes mad at him, and looking for someone to blame, and you are the lucky winner.
At first hearing, this woman does appear to have a problem but we don't know the back story. Maybe he has strayed in the past or has been acting out of character and her suspicions are aroused, and it just so happens that Emma found herself in the firing line as most likely suspect. There is no rational excuse for ensuring the whole village knows, as once the words have been said and spread there is no taking them back. Perhaps she confided in someone in confidence and they did not honour that confidence.
What a nightmare. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Emma. You seem like such a sweetheart, and Miss Jo seems like such a, well, you know. 
If I were in your shoes (or wellies 
), I think I would confront her, trying to be as calm as possible, and ask her what the heck her problem is. Of course, that's easy for me to say, as I'm not in the situation. If you don't want to confront her, I'd say just defend yourself whenever possible (not that you should have to, but it may make life easier for you in your small, close-knit village), and ride out the storm. Your sweetie is right there with you, and so are your friends (and your CC friends across the pond here, too 
).
P.S. - I have to say that I just loved reading your British grammar ... even though it made me sad to read what you're going through, I smiled a bit as I tried to imagine hearing your beautiful British accent saying the things that you wrote ... I am such a sucker for British accents. Love them.
Keep your chin up. ((((((HUGS)))))) to you.
I got an email back from Mandi ~(loud mouth gossip) last night, she was all 'Oh, have I missed out on something here.' I replied 'I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.' As I KNOW she's the one who's been spreading the gossip.
Whether I like Liam or not is kind of irrelevant isn't it? He's alright. To be honest I always joke with my partner when I've met him as I find him quite boring. He's one of those men who has the best of everything and always goes on about it - like he has a better dog then me, better wellies (yes, honestly!) than me. I did used to be pleased when we bumped into each other and my dogloves his dog and they always have such a great time chasing about together.
Yes, Jo obviously has serious trust issues. He may have cheated on her in the past. Maybe her ex-husband cheated on her. Maybe Liam IS cheating on her and she thought she'd caught the culprit. She did make a complete idiot of herself.
I loved my little village and now I don't, that's the biggest problem for me. If we happened to walk into each other I'd probably say something, but I'm not about to go round and knock, sh'd probably think I was trying to call for Liam!
I wouldn't change a single thing about your schedule, your habits... not a single thing. This woman is nuts for confronting you in such a situation and nuts for spreading her business to the village. It sounds to me as if she thrives on drama.
And the suggestion to apologize if she got the wrong impression? Um, I'd apologize for the fact that she's unbalanced and apparently doesn't have her medication in check, but that's about it.
Stay above the frey. This is apparently the cluster muck of her insecurity and Liam's whatever. It sounds as if she's jealous. You're obviously comfortable in who you are and by being more natural, you're probably what she wants to be.
If you don't like the guy, then there's nothing for you to be done but to let it pass, it will go away, to me, if you need anything it would be an apology from the wife from judging you wrong, but it has to come from her.
Go about with your life just the same as you always do, is the best probe you got nothing to do with this.
You could have your dog wear a sign, "Inquiring minds want to know, How long will Jo and Liam stay married? To find, out take your dog for a walk to get and get accused of having an affair." I always say, don't get mad, get even, or at least have fun at their expense.
Some people are just nuts!! How dare she lash out her insecurities on you!! Now not only is she making trouble for you but for where you live!! The nerve!!
I'd go about your daily business just as nothing has happened (which it has not). If there's any change in your routine, people may take that as guilt. Take your dog for it's usual walk at the normal times and don't give it a second thought and hold your head up high!!!! 
I LOVE the revenge ideas! I emailed Mandi last night and told her what happened with Jo going mad at Liam while I was there and saying how sad I thought it was that Jo has such a low opinion of herself, her new husband and her neighbours and that I thought her life must be very lonely and stressful. I KNOW that Mandi will go waggling over the Jo's and tell her all of what I said in my email. I also said that I felt sad that the village was full of people with empty lives and busy tongues. So in a slightly subtle way I think I've made my point to both of them.
I do love the dog sign idea! I saw a dog lead which had written on it 'One of us is a bitch' which amused me.
Okay, I HAVE to ask....
What are "wellies"?
I know - dumb American LOL!
There is nothing you can do or say if her mind is made up. My husband and I were told about a wild party we had at our house by our teenage daughter, the funny part is WE were there (all girls). Nothing I could say to this woman could convince her of the truth. The parents of the other girls knew us and knew it wasn't true, but there was no convincing this lady who didn't even have a child there. Hold your head up, do what you normally do, don't worry. People who know you won't believe it and those who do, they aren't friends anyway.
I agree with Adven and I'd also go about doing the same things. She completely made an a** out of herself and I'm sure it wasn't the first time. If she's always this insecure and confrontational, Liam probably just gets away from her as much as he can. Making her think he's cheating. Nice start to their marraige. 
Mandi is who I'd confront too. What a busybody. And I understand why you feel sad about your village now...who wants to deal with people gossiping and pointing fingers? Maybe you should have a BBQ, invite everyone and call them all out? lol jk
Thanks Lana for looking up wellies. I love reading Emma's posts because I always learn a new word.
"Peeing down rain" - I love that one, have to use it.
Hold your head high Emma. I am sure at first gossip has a way of spreading like fire, but your character will remind your friends that Gossip is just Gossip. If nothing else this sure does help us to remember what great spouses we have and how lucky we are to not have such crazy spouses like Liam and Jo.
Do not waste another moment of your life worrying about such stupid gossip. If you allow it to bother you then Jo has accomplished what she set out to do. Do not give her the satisfaction of changing the way you live your life.
I don't know how this will go down, as you have had some interesting and amusing opinions and suggestions re dealing with the situation (including revenge), as well as some excellent advice.
My advice would be to not send anymore emails to the gossip unless it is just to state the truth of the situation and categorically refute the rumours. To do otherwise is to risk losing the moral high-ground by sharing your thoughts/observations on the matter knowing that it will be tittle-tattled all around, and prolonging outside interest. It is very much more difficult to 'condemn' the gossips for spreading the news having made use of a known gossip as the disseminator of your message, unless this is your only recourse.
Unfortunately you probably won't be able to confirm your point has been made 'subtly', or otherwise, although 'subtle' was your intention, since you were not in a position to monitor the recipients' reactions firsthand. You have no guarantee your words/thoughts will be relayed accurately, and the gossip has free reign to put her own 'interpretation' or emphasis on things (stir the poo, in other words).
If the situation escalates I think how you handle the matter will be important for your credibility, especially since you are a school teacher and have your professional reputation to preserve. Obviously you know the situation and local conditions better than any CCer speculating from a distance but I think I'd consider doing one of three things (perhaps 1 & 3 together):
1. Keeping my counsel. Silence is an incredibly powerful weapon to have in your arsenal if used wisely and strategically. If you don't say anything they don't know what you have up your sleeve. They might speculate for a while but they don't have anything to go on. A one-sided dialogue is difficult to maintain!
2. Speaking directly to the wife and to the gossip (no-one else). Keeping the message factual, to the point, and crystal clear and keeping the tone of the message matter of fact and not emotive (neither apologetic nor aggressive in tone or language).
3. Consult my solicitor. Query case for slander. See if they can write a letter on my behalf to The Wife and to known Gossip/s, categorically denying the allegation. Don't know if you could ask for an apology but a solicitor's (lawyer) letter might shut them up.
I really hope this all blows over quickly and that The Wife, The Gossip and the other small minds find something else with which to amuse themselves. Good Luck
Sorry you are going through this Emma. You have done nothing wrong, not that I need to tell you that She has major issues and I am SURE there is something else going on with the 2 of them. Go about your life as always and I wouldn't even address this issue anymore in e-mails, don't waste your time. Keep your chin up 
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