Upset By A Friend..*long)

Decorating By BarbaraK Updated 14 Mar 2007 , 6:03pm by girltrapped

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RisqueBusiness Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 2:24pm
post #31 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbaraK

Risque - I don't have a payment structure. She knows that I only make cakes for family and close friends. She is someone I know casually at school so I assumed (silly me) that she would know that she was not included in group.

Yes I would like to send my DD to school in a NO CAKE FOR YOU t-shirt but she might get detention LOL! because they are very strict on the uniforms. However, I need a large NO COOKIES FOR YOU t-shirt, in blue if possible. LOL! I was planning to make cookies for my DD to hand out to classmates so her son will get one but not her. Hope he eats it before he goes home.

I have told my DD to still try to be friends with Matthew as he is a very nice little boy (after all it is not his fault his mother is a nut case!).




Shirt ( that was supposed to be SHIRT!!!!!!!! icon_surprised.gif ) icon_redface.gif on the way on gossimer gelatine wings..lol.

if you want to be nice enough to send cookies to school, do it! and let the boy be selfish like his mom and eat it before he gets home..tee hee!

Yes, you are teaching your DD a valuable lesson..it's between the parents, not between the children.

To many people use children as pawns in arguments...WROOOOONG!

well, that's all I have to say...

oh..yeah..don't even waste any breath on her..let her come to you first..and if she does you let her know nicely that you don't take any "outside" orders..lol and sorry that SHE misunderstood! ( turn it back on her!) anyway..got to get ready for work.

Oh My Goodness, I so apologize!! I do NOT write bad words in my posts..lol icon_cry.gif WHY didn't anyone point that out to meeeeeeeee? icon_mad.gif I'm so embarrassed now icon_lol.gif

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cakes47 Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 2:24pm
post #32 of 62

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

You just can't get through to some people!!
And to use children to vent on is deplorable!! Personally, I wouldn't waste my time on her. Be thankful she won't say ''hi''. It gives you an out not to have to speak with her.

Just keep smiling and enjoy your ''real friends''!!

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Kitagrl Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 2:26pm
post #33 of 62

As far as your own daughter, try using an illustration to show her how you feel. Maybe ask her the things she does for her best friend, like invite her over for sleepovers or buy her a birthday gift....and then ask her if she wants to do those same things for a girl who is not her best friend. Then ask her how she would feel if the girl tried to make her do those things, such as buy her a birthday gift, etc, and then started talking about her behind her back because she would not. Let her know that is how you feel and its not that you are being mean, but its just that the lady didn't understand that just because you made a cake for your best friend doesn't mean you have to do that for everybody...just like your daughter doesn't have to buy gifts for her whole class just because she might for a best friend.

Hope it smooths over soon. icon_sad.gif

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LanaC Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 2:28pm
post #34 of 62

I think you already get the "three golden halos" award for the way you've handled this.

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mkolmar Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 3:08pm
post #35 of 62

I just read this entire thread and I'm truly apauled by some people out in this world. You do not deserve to be treated like this and need to stick up for yourself somehow. I don't know if talking to her would work or not but her dragging the kids into it is just imature! You do need one of those T-shirts from Risque!

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cocakedecorator Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 5:00pm
post #36 of 62

uggh people are something else. You did nothing wrong by saying no, esp. since you already have a very hectic schedule. She just doesnt get it.
I had the same thing happen to me last month... my best friend and I talked in january about a cake for her dad retirement party. I wanted to do a sculpted cake of his race car and told her I needed a pic asap esp. because I have never done a sculpted cake before. The 1st week of feb i told her i needed a pic of car no later than the 2nd monday of feb because the party was the same weekend as my great nieces. She didn't come up with the pic until 2 days before the party, so my plan was for the cake when down the tubes and had to start from scratch so that I could make something quickly and still nice. When I told her she shouldn't have waited so long to get me the pic she says well it really can't take all that long to do a cake. GRRRR!! We have been friends for over 20 yrs. and she has seen alot of my work, she knows!

Most people think we are like walmart and just whip out cakes like nothing. Difference is we put a lot of hard work and love into it. Sorry kinda long and I guess I needed to vent a little. LOL

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julzs71 Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 5:40pm
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That is so rude! Don't worry about calming down with this matter. She obviously wasn't thinking clearly. I would pull her aside and restate the fact that you do this for close friends only. If she doesn't get the fact she and you are not close friends, make sure she understands that. I would explain to her she is being childish for involving her child into the matter. She needs some medication! What a BIT@H!
This is not your fault at all, so don't feel bad about confronting her.

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Ironbaker Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 6:29pm
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Wow...it's one thing for her to act like a bratty kid to you (was in this in front of other mothers?) but to turn around and involve her son and TELL him to not play with yoru daughter is just inexcusable! What a wench she is. I feel for that poor son because he has years of mom's insanity ahead for him. And he may grow up thinking you just have to have a hissy fit to get what you want.

Definitely say something to her once you've calmed down. good luck! I can't wait to hear how it goes! icon_lol.gif

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denette Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 6:49pm
post #39 of 62

I once had a grocery store clerk look at all the powdered sugar I was buying. We joked about it and I explained I do wedding cakes. He asked me how long one cake takes me. I told him that with my three children at home, baking and with doing a fondant covering, that this cake would take me 3 days. He was dumbfounded! He told me that he was about to say "it must take at least 5-6 hours"! People just don't understand.

This is a woman that you will have to deal with at school and you sound like you will handle it well. Good luck to you. It sounds like she could use a lesson in how long a cake takes to do. She clearly doesn't understand.

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kaymac Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 7:14pm
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I just read the story about the mother who wanted you to make a cake for her son's birthday and you tried politely to turn her down....you know some people are just "brassy" like that....she wanted YOU to do something for HER....apparently she gets her way all the time...sad...now if she had just said ok, I understand thanks....you might could have or would have thought about it and the next time you saw her said go buy the ingredients and I'll get the birthday cake made for you..who knows..we can change our mind....she is at fault here....she is rude...we as cake decorators can pick and choose who we want to make a cake for and who we charge and how....please don't let her rudeness bother you if you can.....we all deal with all kinds of personalities out there every day...and by the way she acted when you spoke to her...shows you that she wouldn't have been pleased with any cake you decorated for her...better that you turned her down...remember your actions speak louder than words....you don't need to get in a "pissing contest" with anyone.....you showed you are professional...she showed herself as well.

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Dennysse Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 7:17pm
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To me this is very sad.And we adults are supposed to give a good example to the young generation... icon_confused.gif Dont pay attention to this nut job,sometimes is better to ignore people like that.And make a very nice cookie for her son,the best way for him to realize his mom is very wrong.

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niquealodeon Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 7:28pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RisqueBusiness

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbaraK

OKAY! NOW I AM FURIOUS!!!!!! My daughter came home from school and asked me why I cannot make Matthew's (the son) cake. Matthew would not play with her in school because his mum told him that I was being mean because I would not make his cake. icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif

I told her that mummy was not being mean and explained why I could not make the cake. She was very upset and this makes me very mad!!!

I feel like confronting the mum and telling her TO GROW UP!



WOW, I would hate to be this woman's EX hubby! lol....using the children to manipulate you!

You need one of my "NO CAKE FOR YOU" t-shirts ..child sized! lol have your daughter wear it to school!

Don't back down...at the very beginning you gave this woman you barely know too much information. I know that you are proud of what you do, but you don't need to tell the world your payment structure.

Also...when she TOLD you that you were making her son's cake...your response would've been...SORRY, totally booked! cant' fit another cake into my schedule.

and when she came back at you with...HOW HARD CAN IT BE? your response COULD"VE BEEN:

"A lot harder than ordinary people think, or else EVERYONE would be doing it!"...and walk away from this wack job!

Selfish? ha.....your response could've been....Yes, I am...selfish enough not to want to work myself to death and selfish enough to want to spend time with my family!


Oh and in your case....Your T-SHIRT should read...: "NO COOKIES FOR YOU!" lol

The ABSOLUTELY BLOODY NERVE of some people...dont' let her intimidate you....anytime you catch her eye from now on....Laugh! It will drive her NUTS! icon_lol.gif





LMAO! I love it! Sending her to school in a "no cake for you" shirt. Priceless. Definitely confront this woman. She took a step too far but involving the children. Please make sure you say something to her and put her in her place.

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crystalina1977 Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 7:29pm
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It sounds like she was embarassed because when you told her you only do cakes for family and friends, she must have assumed she qualified as a friend. Then when you told her no she had to do something to save face, and that something was being rude and mean. Sometimes, with people like that, the drama is worth them not talking to you! I'm sorry she was mean to you but try not to take it personally, I think she was just embarassed.
Crissy usaribbon.gif

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nglez09 Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 7:45pm
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This thread is really sad. I feel for all the ignorant people who think making a cake is nothing except mixing up milk and a box of cake mix, adding and egg, putting it into the oven and slapping some icing on. icon_mad.gif

I'm sorry that that's happening to you and that the lady has to be so childish in her way of acting to tell her son that his friend's mom was being mean! WTH?!

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famousamous Posted 9 Mar 2007 , 8:45pm
post #45 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbaraK

All the cakes I make are for family or close friends. I don't charge as I don't feel I am good enough to charge. I usually get them to provide the ingredients and I make the cake. I feel less stressed and enjoy baking more. The past few weeks have been busy with work and lots of baking, two Chinese New Year cakes, two birthday cakes and one more this week.

The other day a group of us mums were talking while waiting for school to let out and the subject got round to cake making and one of them asked me if I make cakes to sell and I said no, that I only make for family and close friends and I usually get them to provide the ingredients and I make the cake. So then she says her son's birthday is April 7th and asked for a list of ingredients and a date to drop them off to me!!!!! icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif WHAT THE HECK????? I never said that I would do the cake. I know her because her son is in the same class as my daughter and she has heard that I make yummy cakes.

I gently told her that I could not do the cake and she mentioned that I did Elyse's birthday cake (the handbag cake in my photo). Now Elyse is my 8yo daughters very best friend and Kerryn (her mum) and I are very close. She bought me a beautiful bottle of perfume to thank me because I would not charge her for the cake. Anyway, I said that I was going to be very busy baking for my and baskets for Easter. She then said 'HOW HARD IS IT TO BAKE AND DECORATE A CAKE ANYWAY?... icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

Up to this point, I was very polite and gentle in turning her down. When she said that, I very firmly told her no I would not be doing her son's cake. She got all huffy and said 'FINE BUT I BETTER BE GETTING A COOKIE BASKET AT EASTER BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SO SELFISH BY NOT MAKING THE CAKE' Now when I see her at school, she will not say hello.

Why are people like this?? I try to be generous when I can and I believe that I am a good person. In my heart I know that I was not being selfish but what she said really upset me.




Wow she sounds like a complete loon! icon_eek.gif

Id avoid her like the plauge!

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munkey Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 8:18am
post #46 of 62

WOW...You should tell her to look in the mirror. I LOOOOOve the part where she calls YOU selfish and then DEMANDS a cookie basket..hahahaha Oh man I give people TOO much credit when it comes to common sense. Stick to your guns lady!

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Housemouse Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 9:43am
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This situation rings a loud and clanging bell. I was asked by a longstanding work colleague (a good friend at work but not someone I socialised with) about my cake making and I started on about how I only make cakes for family and friends. I was doing this for two reasons - a) so not to end up overcommitted and b) to indicate that I was far from professionally trained! But as soon as I said I only make cakes for family and friends I saw a strange look pass over her face. In that instant I realised I was, from her viewpoint, implying she wasn't a friend, as she was thinking to herself that I'd never offered to make a cake for her.

Ooooohh......I believe my seamless seque into a humourous quip about how she obviously didn't like me as she'd never asked me to make a cake for her, got me out of the hole I was inadvertently digging for myself! I was then able to mention that lack of time plus other commitments usually got in the way of cooking for pleasure. We didn't have a falling out and I did end up making a cake for her father-in-law's 80th birthday a few months later so the situation was retrieved.

I realised the trouble is that as soon as we start talking about 'friends' the words mean different things to different people. Now I just talk about baking as my hobby without any reference to how far the line of goodwill extends!

So I sympathise entirely with the Barbara, but can see it from the perspective of the lady who sees herself as snubbed. However, I don't agree with the other lady behaving so childishly or involving the children. This shows a lack of emotional maturity on her part. Perhaps she believed her friendship with Barbara was a closer one than Barbara felt it to be. If that makes sense...

Edited to add: In fact there is some ambiguity in the post itself, if I may say this, and I am definitely NOT having a dig at anyone here, and particularly not Barbara, but I think it also highlights the differing interpretations of 'friendship' that abound' in life!! Barbara has referred to this woman as 'friend' in the title of her post and then defines this woman as, "someone I know casually at school so I assumed (silly me) that she would know that she was not included in group." For myself, if I knew this woman on this basis I would call her an acquaintance with whom I am on friendly terms.

Edited to add: the more I think about it the more I think that this is a lady who needs a real friend, someone to point her in the right direction or end up friendless. Not everyone understands the rules of friendship. Plus this situation could just end up simmering on. I liked the suggestion made by an earlier poster that maybe it could be retrieved by offering to make a cake with ingredients paid for by the other lady. I think that would be a huge and generous gesture and a way of getting back on track, and nip the escalation in the bud. if only to avoid all the children getting further embroiled. Sorry, its the negotiator side in me!

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meggylou Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 12:20pm
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My first thought when I read the original post was that the woman needs a swift smack upside the head. But since I am not normally a violent person, I backed down. Now I think you should let her peek at your kitchen when you are mid-cake or cookies. If it looks anything like mine, she will see a bit of what you go through to make a cake.

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BarbaraK Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 12:23pm
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Glorioustwelfth - She is someone who I am friends with at school. A group of us mums hang around together and chat while we are waiting for our children to get let out from school. However, my point was that I make cakes for my family members and my close friends. We are in no way close, i.e. we do not socialise outside of school and our kids do not go to each others homes to play, etc.

Maybe I used to incorrect word when I said friend in my post but I think of her more than as an acquaintance with whom I am on friendly terms. Hope this makes sense.

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Housemouse Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 12:53pm
post #50 of 62

I do understand exactly where you're coming from! Just also want to stress I'm not in anyway condoning her behaviour (more a case of trying to understand it), or being critical of you. Anyway, hope situation is resolved soon. Best wishes.

PS my sister classifies individuals in the circle of women she hangs out with (a group of about 10 women) as either falling into 'toxic' or 'non-toxic' - depending on whether time spent in their company leaves her feeling happy, uplifted and supported or unhappy, drained and somehow lessened.

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jendalain Posted 10 Mar 2007 , 2:22pm
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At this point, I would call her to inform her that she misunderstood what you were saying. It wasn't your intent to hurt her feelings. Maybe she thought you were closer friends and was offended when you told her that you only make cakes for family and friends (just giving her the benefit of doubt). HOWEVER, to put the children in the middle of her misunderstanding...is not cool! I would be livid. I guess that is the mother's instinct.

Secondly, you have the right to decide what cakes you want to make and for whom. Do not let that bother you. At times you have to tell people no.

On another note, I too feel l am not "good enough" to charge for my cakes. Then, a friend at work told me that everyone would have to pay if they went to the bakery. She was right. My cakes start at 30-45 dollars now. It all depends on how simple it is. Several (anniversary cake in my photos sold for 65.00) have been sold higher than that. My friends and co-workers tell me that I am under charging and they've even paid extra. Once I am making flawless cakes, I would love to charge more. Until then, I feel like I am being unfair to them. But, the cake may not look awesome, but it is always delish!

If anyone else ask you to do a cake, tell them that it is still WIP and you do charge for your time and supplies. If they are worried at all about the money, they'll go elsewhere.

I do not charge my family for cakes either. However, I do factor in the cost of all of the supplies when I am buying birthday gifts etc.

Good luck. Keep us posted on how it turns out.

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Ironbaker Posted 13 Mar 2007 , 11:14pm
post #52 of 62

Hey Barbara, any update? icon_cool.gif

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BarbaraK Posted 13 Mar 2007 , 11:28pm
post #53 of 62

Kids went back to school yesterday as Monday was a public holiday. My daughter has not said anything more about Matthew not wanting to play with her. I did not see his mum at school yesterday.

However, I have given it some thought and decided that I would be the one to approach her and explain to her why I could not make the cake for her and let her know that I was hurt by her rudeness and the fact that she involved the children.

I am making some cupcakes now and will bring some for her as a gift to let her know that I would still like to be friends. After all with Easter just around the corner and symbolysing new life and renewal, I am sure we will be able to sort this out.

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LaSombra Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 12:06am
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wow...I just read this whole post and am amazed that someone would have the cojones to say something like that. Maybe she felt hurt as some people said but I think she was just expecting too much and knew it and you called her out on it.

In this world, there are givers and there are takers. Obviously, you're a giver. This lady is way too much of a taker. I'm glad you didn't give in to her bullying. You give them an inch and they'll walk all over you. If you were to do that for her, then everyone else would think they were also entitled to a free cake. Maybe you ought to start charging, hey?

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Chiara Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 12:07am
post #55 of 62

You will be doing a good thing but I would suspect that she will not be friendly with you much. She feels slighted and since she is selfish and immature you will not make her see how rude she was. She also won't think that involving her child was out of line. You will disuade your feelings but I highly doubt you will do much for her. She will think you are coming to make amends since you were wrong (in her eyes).
Keep well. May your heart be lighted after this.

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maryak Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 1:53am
post #56 of 62

Unbelievable!! BarbaraK you are a bigger woman than I am. If someone did that to me I would give them death stares, and NOT bake them cupcakes!!

She was totally out of line to speak to you like that. You are not her servant or a lesser person and it is just plain rudeness and greed that made her talk back to you that way. Some people just want to take, take, take and hate it when they don't get their way icon_mad.gif !

Involving the children is not only childish and immature but just plain stupid!!

I would like to suggest that you "accidentally" trip when handing her the cupcakes so she ends up with frosting all over her face....but that's just being naughty!! icon_wink.gif

Hope she starts acting civilised towards you and not just because you give her a gift!!

Big Hugs
Mary

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BarbaraK Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 2:18am
post #57 of 62

Maryak - Tripping is a very big possibility as I am a bit of a klutz, especially when I am being extra careful if carrying something. I think I suffer from 'Twoleftfeetitis". LOL!

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maryak Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 2:23am
post #58 of 62

Oh now that would be just too bad....... icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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rlsaxe Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 2:33am
post #59 of 62

people like this woman are immature and selfish. I would choose to ignore her behavior and act as normal around her. Giving attention to behavior like this only serves to fuel it all the more. Applause to you for being humble enough to bring her cupcakes after her immature demands to you.

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miss_sweetstory Posted 14 Mar 2007 , 10:37am
post #60 of 62

BarbaraK, You are truly gracious. I hope that this woman can see that and starts to set a better example for her son...like the fine example that you seem to be setting for your daughter.

As a side note, a friend of mine who is a Wilton instructor recently conducted "Introduction to Cake Decorating" seminar in my home for a group of women that I play Bunko with (2 hours). Between us we had enough supplies for everyone to work with. Everyone had a great time, and several of the women remarked that they had no idea what actually went into decorating a cake...and that they appreciated my effort and time when I do a cake for them so much more!

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