I think I already posted once to this thread, but I have to add this one. I've been working at the Gateway Arch in St. Louis this summer (2 kids in college.....$$$$$$). Anyway, in case any of you aren't familiar, the Arch is 630 feet tall, 630 feet wide at the base, and is made of over 17,400 TONS of stainless steel and concrete. The thing is HUGE and can be seen for 20 miles. It's pretty unmistakable.
So...my story...I'm sitting outside on a bench about 20 feet from the south leg of the Arch, minding my own business and eating my lunch. There are tourists everywhere, pointing their cameras up, taking pictures. A very sweet couple come up to me and ask if I can help them.
"Sure....what can I do for you?"
"Can you please tell us where the St. Louis Arch is? We've been looking for it for hours!". They look at me with hopeful eyes.
Now...how on earth do you answer that without sounding like a total smarta** when you're right next to the thing??????
So, I put on a huge smile and pointed up! They looked, then said "you mean it's really an ARCH??????" *lol* Here's your sign!!!
these are great! hubby and i have both been getting a good laugh out of these great stories...
here's a few i'd like to share.
my mom was chatting with my dd, who's 4, and she's telling her how she was in my tummy when i was pregnant with her. dd looks at my mom and says "mommy chewed me up?!?!?!"
a few months ago, dd (same kid from previous story) is having a wild temper tantrum. she's screaming, crying, having a total fit. the day goes on, and while she's napping, i'm instant messaging with dh while he's at work, telling him about the temper fit his darling daughter had that day. so dd gets up from her nap, hubby comes home and asks her about her day. she tells him that she was crying and not being very nice, he says "i know, i heard." she looks at him with HUGE eyes and says "YOU HEARD ME?!?!?!?" we about died laughing at that one!
and then there's my mom. she was at home and the power went out. she wants to call the electric company to report the power outage, but only has a cordless phone, so of course, that won't work. so she PICKS UP HER CELL PHONE, and calls my aunt and asks her if she would call the power company for her. they both just sat there in silence for a split second before erupting into hysterics.
my mom works at an apple orchard, but before apples are sold, they sell strawberries and peaches and pears. the peaches are pre-bagged and when a customer buys some, my mom has been instructed to tell the customer to take the peaches out of the bag when they get home and put them on the counter so they can ripen without bruising. so a lady comes in and buy some peaches.. my mom tells her to take the peaches out and put them on the counter... so the lady does... right there in the store... my mom figured it was a given that people would know she means DO THIS AT HOME when she tells them this info. oi.
ok. last one. back when hubby and i were dating, we had gone somewhere in my car (a red cavalier, 5 speed) and hubby (then db) left his car (white ford escort, also a 5 speed)at my parents house. now fyi, my parents live on a hill. there's a subtle slope to the driveway, not so much that you notice it when standing there, but you notice it when driving a stick shift. so we get back from wherever we've been and he goes to back my car into a part of the driveway...he pulls forward to straighten out and comes REALLY close to his car....really really close. jokingly he says "i wonder what red paint would look like on a white car?" well we found out... remember the slope? he didn't get the clutch to gas combo going in time and rolled forward smacking into his car! i'm laughing hysterically as he's backing up and there it is... a lovely RED scratch on his WHITE car. he made me promise i wouldn't tell anyone. PROMPTLY told my mother when we got inside the house! we still laugh to this day. btw... i asked his permission to tell you all this! what a nice hubby!
these are hilarious I had two I need to add.
Picture a veterinary office my sister went in with my parents with our dog. The lady across from her had a dog as well. What she did not notice was the bird cage above the womans head. The bird kept chirping my sister thought it was the womans dog making the noise. She actually asked her if it was her dog. The woman looked at her a little funny said yes that it was. Needless to say our family found a new term for bird dog that day.
Ok to be fair I have to tell on my self I was about 13 or 14 on summer vaccation with the family. My parents are big nerds who love to drive across country to have an educational vaccation. I was in back of the suburban reading a teen magazine to cool to be hanging out with my family. My mom says look girls at the terrian how beautiful. My sister says what's that? Needles to say I thought I was so cool and said you know stupid choo choo.
That was about 20 years ago now I kind of miss those trips and look foward to doing them with my own family
.....I thought I was so cool and said you know stupid choo choo.
Ok, that one was a "laugh out loud" one!!
emf, those were hilarious. I can't stop laughing.....and I'm laughing really loud. It's 1:30 in the morning. Hope hubby and kids are in a deep sleep.
Here's a good one with computers...
We just gave our MIL our old computer so she can learn and get on the internet. We were at her house one day showing her a couple things. She plays BINGO on one of those game sites "talk" to people. My DH decides to talk to someone and types in a question to the person she was playing BINGO with, his mom bends over and puts her ear to the monitor!! LOL! When he asked her what she is doing, she says, "well I can't hear him!" We still laugh at her - she's a good sport!
I usually dont have too much patience with people that are not too bright and my DD used to tell me that I should be more patient because everybody deserves a chance. Ok, so now she is all grown up and she is a high school teacher (English), everyday she somes out of work pulling her hair because of the things some of her students wouls do and say.
One day they were in class discussing a book about the Viet Nam War, when one girl (sorry ladies, no offense) who was blonde asked her: " where did the Viet Nam War take place?" My daughter looked at her thinking the girl was making a joke and then realizes that she was being serious about it so, trying to hold the laugh, my daughter answered her: "Viet Nam". The girl looked at her kind of confused and said: "no, seriously, where did it take place?" Needeless to say, the other students started laughing so hard that my daughter also had to start laughing.
here's my dumb moment.
im in culinary school and i had to make a bechamel sauce in class for a pasta dish. i was in a rush cuz i only had an hour to cook, set up the table and clean everything up. i looked at the recipe and added 1tbs of cayanne pepper, the sauce started to turned into an orange color ( its suposed to be white ) when i looked back at the recipe and i saw it only called for 1tsp. i felt like such a dork. when the chef tasted the pasta he started coughing because it was so hot . the whole class got a kick out of it
I have spent the last several hoursreading all of these!!!! They are great!!
I had to add one....a few years ago I was at the mall with my Aunt and my cousins. My youngest cousin, who was about 12 at the time, walked up to one of those maps of the mall that shows you where you are. Well----you guessed it--she asks us, and seriously, "How do they know where I am????" Hehe
OKay--one more! Same cousine, same day at mall...we were looking at clothes and she walks right into one of those mirror walls! She didn't think anyone saw her, so she turned around and walked back towards us. Of course we all heard the THUD! and had seen her, so we were rolling in the floor!!!
Had to tell you.. this just happened!!
It's now 6.57 p.m. on Sunday night here and I just hung up the phone.
Woman calls - got the number from a friend of a friend. Her daughter is getting married tomorrow (yes, Monday - apparently the date has some significance). Daughter is upset - wedding cake has been delivered and she doesn't like the colours AT ALL. Could I make her a new one for tomorrow night like the one I made for her friend last year? Four tiers, stacked. Bottom one chocolate mud, then caramel mud, then white mud, then fruit cake to keep. All covered in chocolate fondant and surrounded by chocolate roses (I'll try and attach a photo). Oh, by the way, could I deliver to Wollongong (about a 3 - 3 1/2 hour drive) by lunchtime?
to whoever can guess my answer!!
Oh! come on..... she gave you a WHOLE DAY notice. Surely you could crank that cake out for her and deliver it as well!!
Ok - nothing to do with cake baking - but couldn't resist sharing this with you - a friend of mine got pregnant and was complaining that she was on the Pill and should be able to get pregnant - I was asking her if she was antibiotics for some reason that would interfere with the potency of the pill, but that wasn't the reason. So then I asked if she took her Pill at the same time every day - she actually said "every day - what do you mean? I only take it when we have sex" OMG what do you say to that?
This one had me roling in the floor & to think she has kids scary
Had to tell you.. this just happened!!
It's now 6.57 p.m. on Sunday night here and I just hung up the phone.
Woman calls - got the number from a friend of a friend. Her daughter is getting married tomorrow (yes, Monday - apparently the date has some significance). Daughter is upset - wedding cake has been delivered and she doesn't like the colours AT ALL. Could I make her a new one for tomorrow night like the one I made for her friend last year? Four tiers, stacked. Bottom one chocolate mud, then caramel mud, then white mud, then fruit cake to keep. All covered in chocolate fondant and surrounded by chocolate roses (I'll try and attach a photo). Oh, by the way, could I deliver to Wollongong (about a 3 - 3 1/2 hour drive) by lunchtime?
to whoever can guess my answer!!
answer: Lady, I don't own a magic wand...sorry
Ok, i have not laughed this hard in a long time.
I am insurance agent in my other life and let me tell you there are some people that just don't have a clue.
these are just a couple of things that i would love to put on a sign in my office.
1. If i do not know you name , age or what you drive and if you have any tickets or accidents, i can not tell you how much the insurance is.
2 I will find out if you have tickets or accident, that is why we check you record and no i can not change the price.
3. yes a DUI is a very very big deal.
and do you know how many people hit state troopers cars at the DMV, it is unreal. And the color of oyur car does not change the price. and do not come into my office drunk, stoned or with your mistress and not tell you r wife.
Yes that has happened, the husband comes in and wants to add the girlfriend and her car to the policy, but he does not want his wife to know. yeah sure we won't tell her and she wont see the bill either.
Oh wait..i've saved the stupidest for me Ok ...so our power went out one day...i'm sitting on the couch with my dh and i said..
"well, since we have no power I may as well go do some laundry" I figured out why that wouldn't work and proceeded to go to the kitchen to microwave a hot pocket ...Feeling ever so dumb, i picked up the portable phone to tell my sister how dumb I was
There are some days I'm thankful I have 2 of the same shoes on
OMG! I just burst out laughing at that one.... phew! Gotta potty now...
Gosh! I just thought of a great one my DH did. He had been kind of sheltered during childhood. This was before we were married. We stopped by Wendy's for lunch after church. He says to me after we finish eating, "I want a ... Chocolate Frosty." I said, "Well that's good because that's the only kind they have." Of course, they do now have vanilla and you can bet I ran right home to let him know he had choices now. I couldn't believe he had never had a Frosty before!
Reminds me of my DH.. He'd never had a corn dog before me.... poor guy!
Oh, oh, oh one more please.....I was in Music Appreciation Class in college when the professor played The Star Spangled Banner and when
it finished he asked a nice boy in the back of the class for the title of the song. The poor boy said, "I don't know." The entire class, stunned, just looked at him.
He shrugged his shoulders and in a perfectly serious tone of voice said, "What? Should I know it?"
OMG!! I have only just read the initial post and I can NOT stop laughing!!
And YEP! people are REALLY this stupid!!!
Oh! come on..... she gave you a WHOLE DAY notice. Surely you could crank that cake out for her and deliver it as well!!
Well, at least 6 to 8 hours - Goodness, I AM inefficient, aren't I??
answer: Lady, I don't own a magic wand...sorry [/quote]
Maybe she'd been reading Harry Potter? My whole family is still laughing!
I love this thread. I feel bad talking about family, but she will never see this.
My father has a twin brother and his kids and my sister and I are pretty close. One night, a few years ago, I went out to dinner with my one cousin. When the hostess called out "Phipps party of two" my cousin looked at me, shocked, and said... "Hey, that's my name too, we have the same last name!" DUH
Not surprising, this is the same sweet girl that thought the line in Elton John's song, Hold me closer tiny dancer was Hold me closer Tony Danza.
Ok.. I have a couple..
When I was around 13 or so my best friend and I were in a convenience store getting a soda. She picked up a bottle of Barques Root Beer and I said "Barques has bite" quoting their slogan. She looked at me dead serious and said 'Really?" Like she was going to open the bottle and something was going to jump out and bite her...
One on me.. My now hubby and I were going to a friends wedding in east Texas and I was the navigator. We get to Oklahoma City where we have to change highways and I tell him that he needs to get on West highway whatever... about 5 minutes later he askes why we're going West to go to east Texas... oops!
Oh, I am laughing so hard I'm crying!
Here's a conversation I had with my best friend, who is completely computer illiterate.
Friend: Something's wrong with my computer, every time I click on the e button to get on the internet, somebody keeps sending me pictures of a naked woman!
Me: Really? What do you do? (snickering here)
Friend: Well, I got up at 2 am so I could check my e-mail thinking the guy would be asleep, but you know what? He was awake and sent me the picture again!
Me: (Dying laughing by now!) I told her that she had probably inadvertently allowed her home page to be changed and she said...
Friend: No, I didn't even tell him where I lived!
When I was able to stop laughing, I told her I would go over to her house and fix it. She was so happy and very surprised that it took me a whole of 1 minute to fix!
I knew a guy that had 14 siblings. Two of his brothers were named Robert. I asked him how that happened. He said when his Mother named the second one she forgot she had used that name already.
Got to add one I heard too. I was walking into a Tim Horton's and a guy in a truck was ordering.
Guy in truck: "So what's the difference between a medium iced cap and a large iced cap?"
Employee: "Um... the size."
DUH!! I laughed so hard when I heard this!
Trying to teach my older son right and left I drew and R on his right hand and foot and and L on the left hand and foot. He is 36 and still raises his hand to see which way right or left is. LOL and he was always in the gifted classes.
Just saw this one and it reminded me of someone I know. She holds her hands in front of her with fingers together and thumbs at a right-angle so that she can tell which hand is left (b/c it makes an L). She going in for medicine!
I'm never going to get to bed reading this all night.
My DM and DH were looking at Christmas photos. We were looking a one of my DM took it from me and was really confussed. She said "Oh! I never part my hair that way." My DH and I look at each other and start laughing. I said " Mom! your hair is parted that way right now." She says "No really! Oh I guess it looks different in the mirror."
Now my DH and I say "Do I really part my hair that way?" whenever we do something "off"
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