Joined: May 23, 2006
Posts: 401
Location: Pennsylvania
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:18 am
I need to vent a little bit and I hope there is someone out there that can relate to me.
I'm 41 years young..LOL!! I have been married for 19 years and I love my hubby very much. We have five boys..three of them are teenagers and the other two are tweens.
I love, love, love making gumpaste flowers. I'm not as excited about decorating cakes. I think the reason that I'm not as excited about the cakes is that I am awfully hard on myself and look for every little error and mark that I can find. I am I guess you could say hyper-critical of myself.
Anyway, I have requests all of the time for cakes. I turn 90% of them down....why do I turn them down??? I don't have the time that I need to do the cakes. I have the boys, a homeschool them, and I have a part-time job in the evenings to help out financially. It's hard when you have a grocery budget like we do...those boys are eating machines !!
Sometimes I wish that I had alot of money and that I could get everything and anything that I needed for my flowers and cakes. I know that things will come in time. I just want them now. I want to try new things and I especially want to do a Mad Hatter Cake. I'll be able to try the cake next month.
Another thing that I have to add is my family is lazy. It's horrible to say this. I have done this to them. I bend over backwards to wait on them hand and foot and I've created monsters !! While I am at work I want them to clean up the dishes and load the dishwasher.....it's usually not done...they are usually on the computer or watching TV. DH will "tell" the boys that they need to do the chores but unfortunately he doesn't do any follow up and make sure that they are actually doing them. Then when I come home I usually have tell them to do the chores and make sure they are done. I guess that my hubby...the guy that I've been married to for 19 years...and I love dearly is LAZY.........
I just feel that I don't have the time to do what I want to do. Everyone else in the house has that time...I don't know how to fit everything in. I've always thought that as the boys got older that I'd be able to do more but it seems like it's the total opposite. I run here and run there taking them places I clean, I go to work, I help them with school. I know that these are the years that I'll never be able to get back and I do love my family. I guess I just miss "ME" and the "ME" time I had when I was younger......... Does anyone else understand that I am trying to say? Can you relate to this??? What do you do that helps you fit it all in???
Thanks for listening to me. I just needed to vent a little........
lu9129 Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 02, 2006
Posts: 544
Birthday: Dec 22
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:32 am
I'm not sure but I think I live in your house!!!!!!!!!!
I think all of us goes through this. We have raised lazy society of children. I mean good grief. They can't even talk on a cell phone now, they have to text because it annoying to have to hold it to your ear!!!! (I haven't and will not give in on the texting thing).
You just need to announce you are taking a few days off by yourself, go somewhere see a friend etc. Heck go on strike!!!!! lol. That throws them off!!!! lol You just need some down time!!!!
I often wish I could win the lottery or something stupid like that so that I could hire someone to do the housework. etc. and I could just do cakes whenever I wanted to with no interruptions from 'real life'.
I also suffer from a rather lazy hubby... I know he works all day, etc. but I don't ask for a lot, so it's frustrating when that doesn't get done.
Know that we feel your pain here, and support you 100%. There are some really wide shoulders to cry on here. Keep your chin up and lets see if we can get you some helpful advice here!!!
simplysweet72740 Regular Member
Joined: Aug 14, 2007
Posts: 116
Location: Huntsville Arkansas
Birthday: Mar 04
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:33 am
I thankfully am not in your situation, however my mother went through it and it didn't end well. My parents got a divorce after 21 yrs. What I want to say to you is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE schedule in your "ME" time. You need it and you deserve it.
Your boys need to learn a lesson and if that means they are going to have to cook for themselves and wear dirty laundry then thats what it takes.
I will be praying and thinking of you.
Just know that everything has its reason.
CakesByLJ Forum Fanatic
Joined: Dec 07, 2005
Posts: 1079
Location: Clarksville, TN
Chrissy...... sweetheart..... print this out (your post) and give it to dh; he might not know how serious this is.. He needs to do his part, and then the boys will fall in line when you BOTH stand united..... Good luck
Last edited by CakesByLJ on Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:38 am; edited 2 times in total
Sometimes you just need to vent and that is okay!!! I am a mother of 2 girls, I work full-time, do cakes on the side and I'm married to a wonderful hard working man who can end up being really lazy at home. We kind of had a "come to Jesus" meeting as I was feeling totally overwhelmed with taking care of the house, working, cleaning, cooking, etc! So, our solution, my husband now has a "to-do" list as he just works better from a list. He now has weekly things he's responsible for and also some larger house things that need to get done by the end of the year. This has allowed me to "let go" of some things and not feel so burdoned or like a maid. Maybe you should make to-do lists for all your boys! It really sets the tone for them later in life because I have a co-worker who is married to someone that had everything done for him by his mother and sister that when she tells me stories, it's really like "how in the heck did he and they let it get so bad!!!"
Stop the madness now as you do need ME time and thank goodness I have made that somewhat of a priority in my life. I was an athlete in college and love working out so I make it a priority to work out 5-6 days a week and no one hounds me for it. I feel so much better when I do. Having "ME" time just recharges you! I have also limited my cake baking/decorating to one a week becuase when I used to never say no and have 2 or 3 a week (rare) I would be up until 1-1:30 everynight working on them and that didn't make me or my husband too happy. I made him a deal, one per week!
Hang in there and definitely find your "ME" time and tell those boys to get in shape and help out!
Sounds like a heart-to-heart talk is in order. A serious conversation with the family (especially DH)might help them understand how you feel. Let him know what you expect from him and the kids. Sometimes you have to explain it in details. Men don't think like women.
Just a word of encouragement, it does get better. My boys are grown. I now have the time to do what I want. It is nice, but I miss the hurried, hectic pace of kids at home!
zoraya Frequent Member
Joined: May 19, 2006
Posts: 406
Location: VA
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:45 am
We always put ourselves last. Why is that? I have to admit I'm guilty of it as well but then I get to that breaking point and all hell breaks loose. Find time to do the things you like and want to do! Make a point of it, put it on the calendar and don't let anyone take it away from you. There will always be an "emergency" and then we give up our time to take care of them. I love indydebi's saying - "Poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine." Apply this to our cakes and personal time. I make sure to go scrapbooking once a month, I tell my husband flat out that I need some time away and literally leave the house for a few hours and just go window shopping. Take a class in what you like. Yes, this time is precious with our kids but don't loose yourself in them. They will grow up and leave us and then we're just left feeling empty. Don't put off what you want until their grown, find a way to balance it. The first place to start is with your hubby and then lay down the law to the boys. I have 2 small boys, 5 & 7, and they take out the trash, unload the dishwasher and put away their own laundry. I think of it as training them for their future wives plus helping me in the meantime.
Sorry this is so long but its a sensitive spot for me becuase I forget a lot and get lost in my kids.
gritswife Regular Member
Joined: Aug 02, 2007
Posts: 110
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Birthday: Oct 18
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:46 am
I understand what you are talking about. I too homeschool and I do not turn down cakes at all. We need the money. I have two girls who think that "princesses" shouldn't have to do any thing either. However, I know their weaknesses and unfortunately, I use that to get the help I deserve!!!
Also, every two weeks like clock work - my "me" time is getting a pedicure and manicure. I don't care if the family is fed, the house is clean, the bills are paid or if the sky is falling!!! That is MY time!! No one takes that from me.
I pray you find - TAKE some time for yourself. Only you can make that happen!
Feel free to vent any time, it doesn't take away the love you have for your family. [/quote]
lynda-bob Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 19, 2007
Posts: 725
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Birthday: Jan 14 Gallery Supporter Member
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:50 am
Hi! You definitely need to schedule your ME time. How can you keep performing as a homemaker, mother, wife if you're burnt out?
Also, I don't want to sound like the bad guy here, because I went thru the lazy kid part myself. I expected that things would change when they got a little older and they did not. I had to change them. I'm a single mother of two kids. One almost 12 yr old girl and an almost 14 yr old boy w/ cerebral palsey. Just this last year I've made them BOTH do what they can to help out w/ the house. They both have to clean their own rooms and gather dirty laundry. They both have to help put away clean laundry (my son's not much help here but I still put him to "fold" clothes which we refold ). They have to help in the kitchen or dinner is NOT being made. I won't do dinner, laundry, etc. unless they help. They won't get THEIR me time if they don't have THEIR chores done. It was hard for me to hear, but my mom told me I was doing wrong by them by doing EVERYTHING. I had lazy, spoiled kids and I wasn't doing them a favor. They'd grow up lazy, spoiled adults thinking that the world owes them everything. It doesn't. We all have to work for what we want. You need to push them to do for themselves. Go on strike
Sorry if that was too harsh. I've been there, alone...
I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru this. My hubby is a hard worker, but when he comes home he pretty much sits in front of the TV. I can understand he gets tired, but when does our day end?? I am usually taking a shower at 10:00p.m. We have four boys. Thru quite a bit of work I have been able to get them to do chores around here. Yes sometimes I have to hound them, and alot of times they grunt while they're doing them, but in the end, they do them. Which is what matters to me. My teenager seems to understand I need a break, even if he won't admit it to me, so he's really been trying.
So my advice to you is keep working on them. I know it can be hard work, but as you see in my case it can give you the results you need. Besides, it will help them in there adulthood. I sometimes had to leave my boys, husband included, to cook and wash for themselves. I am not there maid. I think my point is coming thru. I still have days that I want to strangle them, but not as many as before.
When I am doing a cake, I just simply ignore my clan, as much as I can.
Good luck!!
Lenette Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 30, 2004
Posts: 894
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:09 am
I do understand about being the maid. My kids are a lot younger than yours and my husband is 85% oblivious to the house. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, running errands, volunteering at the kids' schools, etc etc.
Plus my little cake business and I took a PT temp job to help with back to school expenses.
I totally feel you on the lack of "ME" time!
I don't want to criticize because as mothers we can only do the best we can but I do want to offer a suggestion. Your boys need to learn how to take responsibility for their home and themselves. I assume you do not intend to cater to them for their entire lives and if they choose to marry you don't want some poor girl to end up being their maid/cook. I am trying (at my mother's insistence) to work with my children to do things for themselves even at this young age.
We all live here together and have a part in how the house runs. Husbands tend to get stuck in their ways but they are a role model for the children too. If all they see is mom doing and doing and dad not participating that is how they will think things are supposed to be.
I constantly have to remind my husband about these things but that is my fault because I spoiled him too much and did everything for him for a long time.
Talk to you family, let them know how you feel. Communication is important, let them know you have needs and expectations. Give them a chore list, etc etc. If you give them the opportunity they may surprise you. If they choose not to heed your request then go on strike. I tell you it works! It is amazing how the message gets through when they don't have any clean clothes or a hot meal. It is difficult for me to take the hard nose approach but sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!
Sorry so long, this topic is something I struggle with too! Wishing you the best!
I know (though my kids are just 6 and 10)... I've started doing stupid things to make a point. You don't do what I ask you to do (i.e. your fair share, which in actuality isn't really fair), the TV remote comes up missing as well as the keyboard, mouse and playstation controls. Hey, put them in the car and take them to work with you if you have to! If they don't have the other distrations, they'll find time to do what they should. Also, if they still don't do what you've asked, there's always SOMETHING that means A LOT to them ... that's what goes next! This even works for husbands! DH will come home and ask if dinner is ready sometimes and I'll be like "No, I never got around to it. How do you like that?" DH used to complain about doing some miniscule chores on "his only day off" ..... yeah! I tell him he can have his day off when I get mine!
You aren't the only one ... there's millions of us who feel this way at times, but you've got to nip it in the butt and be consistent with them with discipline now before it gets worse. God forbid your sons get married one day and treat their wife like that!!!!
zoraya Frequent Member
Joined: May 19, 2006
Posts: 406
Location: VA
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:54 am
smoore wrote:
the TV remote comes up missing as well as the keyboard, mouse and playstation controls. Hey, put them in the car and take them to work with you if you have to!
I love it! If mommy's not happy, no one is happy!
ArtieTs Junior Member
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Posts: 61
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posted:
Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:08 am
smoore wrote:
the TV remote comes up missing as well as the keyboard, mouse and playstation controls. Hey, put them in the car and take them to work with you if you have to!
ROTFL!!!!!
I love it. l also loved when I took our DSL cable to the PC to work with me & my DD had the nerve to call me at work to ask if I had paid the DSL bill or not. All I could say was "INCREDIBLE" & hangup. I'm sure her day with no MYSPACE access was too much for her . I was happy to throw a monkey wrench in her plan to do nothing all day but chat on MYSPACE & talk on the cell phone. Next time I'll take the TV remotes & Keyboard with me, thanks. "ME" time is key for all hard working moms. If you don't take time out for yourself no one else will.
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Does anyone else understand that I am trying to say? Can you relate to this??? What do you do that helps you fit it all in???
). They have to help in the kitchen or dinner is NOT being made. I won't do dinner, laundry, etc. unless they help. They won't get THEIR me time if they don't have THEIR chores done. It was hard for me to hear, but my mom told me I was doing wrong by them by doing EVERYTHING. I had lazy, spoiled kids and I wasn't doing them a favor. They'd grow up lazy, spoiled adults thinking that the world owes them everything. It doesn't. We all have to work for what we want. You need to push them to do for themselves. Go on strike 
. I was happy to throw a monkey wrench in her plan to do nothing all day but chat on MYSPACE & talk on the cell phone. Next time I'll take the TV remotes & Keyboard with me, thanks. "ME" time is key for all hard working moms. If you don't take time out for yourself no one else will.
