Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 228
Location: Zionsville, IN
Birthday: Mar 22
Posted:
Sat May 31, 2008 10:37 am
amy, I love the cookie boquet. I think that was a great way to deal with it.
I'm going to add my 2cents.
last year I made a cake for my sister's daughter. this year I asked her if whe wanted me to make one, and she said no (she said her kids don't really like cake, well she said that last year and they ate seconds of mine ) so initially I was put off, but I just let it go. I know that she didn't want to bug me because she knows how busy I've been.
also, I thought about it... when I bring a cake or something people tend to 'ooh and ahh' (quite nice for me ) but it's really about her and her daughter and my cake would steal some of her thunder. no problem.
she made a very homemade box cake which I enjoyed
GI Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 02, 2006
Posts: 711
Posted:
Sat May 31, 2008 11:11 am
CarolynGwen wrote:
Hubby looked at me to be sure I wasn't going to lunge and poke her eyes out and I just got up and walked from the room. He made it clear she just pretty much insulted my industry and what pays for her grandkids needs and wants. She was like "I don't care it's a stupid thing!"
It sounds like you have a rare gem of a MAN who knows how to stand up to his mother!! Good for him! I really find that refreshing.
GI Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 02, 2006
Posts: 711
Posted:
Sat May 31, 2008 11:27 am
Amy your cookie bouquet is so cute!! I really like that idea, too, when a cranky person is pissy about a cake. Don't forget to bring her a jug of milk! (Not for dumping over her head, altho that would be funny! )
Ragdikacie Newbie
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 9
Location: Louisville
Posted:
Sat May 31, 2008 11:27 am
amy2197 wrote:
I wish that wasn't the case, but these are the rudest people I have ever met. My husband thinks that we should completely disown them, but for his mothers sake I try to always be nice. I take as much as I can, but if they ever put down my kids it's over.
Not to hijack or anything, but since we are on the topic of crappy family members...
My Uncle's wife, (I refer to her as that because she is NOT, I repeat NOT, my aunt) whom I will refer to as V, is a horrible person. I believe that is the nicest thing I have said about her, but anywho...I didn't attend the Mother's Day dinner that my Mom and her family went to, but when we saw her, I asked how everything went. First she complains and says that she got stuck sitting next to V. Then Mom said that V made her sooo mad, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. Of course I bugged her and finally told me.
V had asked about my kids. She then proceeded to tell MY mom, THEIR grandma that she was glad that there is a 5.5 yr age difference between my girls because my oldest might get jealous of everyone saying the baby is beautiful. She seriously nonchalauntly said my oldest daughter is UGLY!!! I was outraged!
We are having a dinner next Sunday for my great aunt and she will probably be there. I have to stay as far away possible from her or I think I might just spit in her slice of cake (which I am making btw)!
Yikes, there are some serious pieces of work out there! Makes me grateful for my cake loving family, they happily eat everything I throw their way.
I know that not everyone "gets" caking and what goes into it, but for all of you who have told their stories, I keep looking at your photos and see these awesome cakes, I'm thinking your family must be blind?
ziggytarheel Frequent Member
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Posts: 407
Posted:
Sat May 31, 2008 12:19 pm
What my ever advancing age is teaching me is to not take so many things personally. I'm learning to not assume the worst in every situation and to give the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. What that effectively does is makes me happier and less stressed and it gives the meanies in this world fewer victories.
There are a whole lot of people out there who just don't like cake. Might they like yours? Maybe so. But maybe not enough to remember that they liked it. There are lots of non-sweet eaters too. When I think of my extended family, I can't think of one person, if asked what their favorite dessert would be, would actually respond "cake". To each his own, you know? Pie eaters, cookie fanatics, ice cream aficionados. It is nothing personal.
Other people are just easily offended. If you (that is a generic "you", not any particular person) have ever commented about how much work your cake was, you could go down in their book as someone who is a martyr or someone who is looking for attention. Or they might feel threatened or inadequate because they aren't creative and don't have a tangible skill like that. Some people are not capable of seeing things anyway except from their very limited perspective. Just because they choose to be easily offended doesn't mean that you need to.
Our reactions are largely our choices. If a reaction is automatic, you can usually train yourself to react otherwise. I try really hard to look at cakes or anything else like that as giving something for someone else's enjoyment, to be an expression of my love for them. I'm a mom, so I'm well aware that usually, people don't notice how hard you work to make things nice or to try to express your affection. If the way I want to communicate my love does not carry that meaning for the person, then I probably need to look for a different means to express it.
Cakes take me forever. I mean ridiculously forever. I can spend a couple of weeks working on a simple cake. I'm sure the recipients think it only took me a couple of hours. I'm making the cake to express my love, but I'm also doing it because I love it and I want the practice! It is my choice, you know? But I'm also a believer in the concept of love languages. We don't all appreciate the same things and that is okay.
It's just not always personal. And even if it is, it is their problem for deciding to be that way...most of the time.
Don't sweat it, you know?
amy2197 Junior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2008
Posts: 72
Location: columbia, ms
Birthday: Feb 19
Posted:
Sun Jun 01, 2008 10:27 am
I went to the party with my little casserole and cookie bouquet. The cake was not from walmart. It was from a local bakery that an acquaintance of mine owns.(the woman asked me to work for her when i moved back from culinary school!) anyway, he had them use petite for glaze instead of buttercream for the entire sheet cake. Some people might like it, but this crowd didn't. Not one single person ate their whole piece and there were fifty something people there. I was asked repeatedly if I made the cake to which i replied with a no and a smile. One aunt asked me after she tasted hers, and after she found out I wasn't asked said "serves them right". grandma loved her cookie bouquet!!
dragonflydreams Forum Fanatic
Joined: May 31, 2007
Posts: 1321
Location: Canada, eh!
Posted:
Sun Jun 01, 2008 10:31 am
. . . perfect . . . that's all I can say . . . simply perfect . . .
chassidyg Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 02, 2008
Posts: 868
Location: Bellevue, Nebraska
Birthday: Dec 07 Gallery Supporter Member
Posted:
Sun Jun 01, 2008 1:25 pm
I agree with the aunt..."Serves them right"
PattyT Frequent Member
Joined: Sep 30, 2007
Posts: 234
Location: South Jersey / Philadelphia
Posted:
Sun Jun 01, 2008 2:25 pm
I started reading this thread yesterday, had to leave so finishing it now.
So many horror stories...so little time!
CarolynGwen, as I was baking yesterday I kept thinking about your MIL. This is one evil woman to say that directly to your DH (and he is an absolute Dear and Darling man to stick up for you). I hope that you keep setting out nice plates of store-bought cookies, and if she asks about baking again..sweetly reply: "I didn't think it mattered - it's just cookies".
I'm posting however, because I have the opposite! I have the dearest, sweetest, family-in-law that anyone could hope for. They are kind, supportive and non-judgemental in every way. I worked yesterday on my nephew's graduation party, and I was very embarassed that the cake tiers didn't sit right. This kind group actually applauded when I put the top on. When I tried to fix it a little - they all said not to worry, it was fine. When they say "it's just cake", they mean it in a good way...they want me to relax.
So everyone with nasty relatives, I'll hug mine, and send some of their (((hugs))) over to you.
miny Frequent Member
Joined: Aug 27, 2005
Posts: 317
Location: California
Posted:
Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:49 pm
I think she got more than enough with your bouquet, your work on those cookies is great. Way to go!
Wow and double wow. I love your cookie bouquet. Even if it is 2 cookies it is still wow. I think it's lovely to bring something even if the person isn't so nice and your present was a great compromise of your dignity.
Greatttttt job.
Leigh
playingwithsugar Forum SuperStar!
Joined: Aug 31, 2005
Posts: 4889
Location: USA - Operation Baking Gals - See My Signature For The Link!
Birthday: Nov 20
Posted:
Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:47 am
I wish I would have seen this sooner.
When this happened to me, I responded by not eating any of the cake. When asked if I wanted a piece, I said, "No, thanks. I don't eat other people's cake because I don't know what went into it."
It worked. Now those same relatives ask me first. And of course, I tell them, "No, thanks. I do not have the time to do that cake for you."
Theresa
just_for_fun Frequent Member
Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Posts: 409
Location: Can you tell me????? Please!!
Posted:
Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:33 am
My in-laws actually idolize me for my baking skills, which are far from good. I have brought cakes taht I thought were outright ugly, and my MIL brought out the camera, as if I didn't take a pic yet (everyone will be sitting and waiting to eat, and she's looking for her camera, with me running after her telling her that I took a pic already).
My mom used to criticize my work alot, telling me that this or that has to be changed if I ever want to sell my creations. She didn't do it in a very nasty way, just a little, but she is in general a very critical person. But lately, everything I make is gorgeous for her. Whenever she needs cake, cookies, etc she calls me first, but she tells me what she wants, even if it's for free. But I tell her that it may not be exactly what she asked for - that's why I don't do this as a business cause I want to be able to do what I want.
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) so initially I was put off, but I just let it go. I know that she didn't want to bug me because she knows how busy I've been.
) but it's really about her and her daughter and my cake would steal some of her thunder. no problem.
