I'm glad to hear that you just aren't taking anything. That shows your maturity. At one point in time, I was that way about my inlaws, but in time they have gotten better (I have been married for almost 13 years, so it took them about 12 to really accept me). I even made my sils wedding cake last year for her wedding gift and she has been so grateful for it. So hang in there, be yourself and don't "sweat the small stuff" (learned the hard way!). Just enjoy yourself at the party!
I wanted to make a cake for my BF's sisters birthday last year, I had planned on making a book cake since she had just gotten her teaching degree. I stated this to his entire family!
A few days before the party his grandma says I don't have to make a cake she is making 2 of them, she always does things like this to try and show everyone else up. So we get there and she had two cakes, both from boxes (mine are always from scratch), one with canned icing the other with no icing at all. Then she proceeds to brag to everyone how she has spent all day cooking and baking for this party. I got my revenge when everyone started showing up and asking where my cake was, and I mean EVERYONE! Needless to say her cake was barely eaten.
I would just go to the party and enjoy myself if I were you. That is what I did. Most people where I live get their cakes from the local grocery store so I just make some comment about how I hate icing that tastes like a mouthful of crisco. I sure you can come up with something clever...
As for handling rude family members.....you might want to look at adopting yourself out. I will take a daughter as I don't have one! As for inlaws - who cares. They have written whole therapy fairy tales about them you know.
Grow a thick skin and don't show up!
Dru329 Regular Member
Joined: Apr 04, 2008
Posts: 124
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 2:31 pm
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was going through this about two weeks ago when I had to make two cake for the same weekend (Dad's birthday, nephew's birthday). Well obviously cakes long to make and lots and lots of ingredients....my husband comes home that day and looks at all of the mess I'm making and tells me "Don't take this wrong but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to go into this business"....soo I just went off on him. I can't believe he told me this after knowing that I had a deadline...I was really nervous about how one of the cakes was going to turn out, I had stayed up until 3:00 in the morning the previous day to get a head start, and for him to come in and tell me this! He NEVER tells me anything nice when I'm making cakes. It's almost like he enjoys crushing my spirits because he knows I'm never satisfied with my cakes.
THEN later on when we're cutting the cakes my brother tells me..."Your cakes are nothing but show...did you use that stuff (fondant) from the last time...cause that's nasty"....well since we were at a party I had to just laugh it off but my spirits were slowing getting crushed even more because of what my husband had told me earlier.
THEN after the party my MOM (of ALL people) tells me the exact same thing that my husband told me. She said that I would never be able to get my money's worth and that nobody would pay what they're really worth. I literally could have cried right there and then. I could see my husband laughing and again I had to just shrug it off because we were at the party.
I can't believe these people....my OWN family and they're crushing me. I'm not a professional...I don't have the pans, tools, enough hands, education etc. like a bakery does to make cakes but I'm doing the best I can with the knowledge that I have. Bet they couldn't make cakes like mine. Well to say the least..I really don't feel like making cakes anymore. I was humiliated at home and at the party by the people that I care about the most.
OK OK...guess I'll end it right here...didn't really offer much advice..just wanted to let you know you're not the only one and some how we have to get over the things our family member tell us. It's just not that easy...at least for me.
SweetResults Forum Fanatic
Joined: Feb 13, 2006
Posts: 1384
Location: Massachusetts
Birthday: Nov 04
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 2:42 pm
I'm glad you choose to just go and not bring anything - it's not worth the sweat. Good for you.
Dru sweetie - the cakes you have posted look fabulous - tell your family to bite a brick and keep on baking!!!
DebBTX Frequent Member
Joined: Dec 25, 2007
Posts: 288
Location: Texas
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 3:01 pm
Besides, when everyone is shoveling mass-produced, freezer-burnt, shipped-halfway-across-the-country cake in their mouths, you can just snicker, and hope it gives them the runs. [/quote]
I'm sorry y'all for posting this later, but I am still laughing at this quote. I have had some trouble with extended family. I have always lived in the South. (TX and coastal MS)
I couldn't help but imagine a congenial G.R.I.T.S (Girls Raised in the South) moment when the gracious, but snubbed culinary expert approaches the rude brother with a smile on her face. While thinking about the above quote, and with true Southern Hospitality, she says to him, "Well bless your heart"... as she serves him his 3rd piece of Wal-Mart cake.
indydebi Forum SuperStar!
Joined: Jul 07, 2006
Posts: 14285
Location: Indianapolis IN
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 3:07 pm
Dru, I dont' know what to say except that success is the SWEETEST revenge in the world!!
When I first resurrected my biz, my daughter and my neighbor were going to be my partners and they both dropped out right away (thank god!) because of all the time and the work. They wanted nothing to do with the time and the work.
NOW .... both are crying to their friends "I could have been in on the ground floor with her!"
------------------
I wouldn't take anything. But me being me, when they asked "aren't you having any cake?", I'd reply with "*I* don't eat that crap! I'm used to good cakes ... the ones *I* make!"
On a serious note, don't sweat it. You don't want everyone to take the attitude of "You better ask her to do the cake or she'll get all pi$$y about it!" All of my nieces/nephews know that I give them their wedding cake as a gift ... if they want it. I also do the catering at cost ... if they want it. SOme take me up on it ... some don't. If they don't, then I'm not giving away cake and working in a hot kitchen for zero profit ... and I get to be a guest at the wedding for a change!
Carolyn, your in-laws are a trip!
BrandisBaked Forum Fanatic
Joined: Dec 09, 2005
Posts: 1284
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 3:09 pm
People do NOT understand that we get insulted over this. They don't understand the pride we take in our work. People in other professions don't get offended if they don't get asked to take on more work for free... apparently, we are the only crazy ones!
Can you see your mechanic cousin getting offended that you didn't expect him to change your oil for free?!? Or that accountant uncle being disappointed that you didn't come to him with a box full of receipts wanting him to do your taxes without payment?
You can't take it personally, it probably wasn't meant as a snub.
Sugar_Plum_Fairy Forum SuperStar!
Joined: Aug 30, 2006
Posts: 2378
Location: Somerset County, NJ
Birthday: Jun 03 Gallery Supporter Member
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 3:27 pm
aswartzw wrote:
Some family members don't like to take advantage of others and/or he was afraid of the $$. I really don't think you should take it personally. I doubt he was trying to snub you.
I didn't have time to finish reading this whole thread, but I think when dealing with family members and close friends, one has to walk a fine line. I agree with aswartzw. You don't really know which way this was intended, but I can understand your frustration as I've been there myself numerous times.
Just bring an outta this world dessert (like dragonflydreams suggested - I'm pretty sure it was her idea), the cupcakes would be a good choice, and see which 'cake' the guests go for. Dollars to doughnuts (pun intended) it'll be yours.
I know when I go through this with my in-laws they either don't ask (don't know why) or they ask at the last minute (that DAY!) like I have them stockpiled somewhere in the house! Of course, let's not even get into the issue with the involved costs - everyone always expects one for free! Then again, for those that don't ask, maybe that's why? Of course the ones that I'm referring to are the ones that don't hesitate to buy from Sylvia Weinstock and pay over $1,000 and even buy bottles of wine costing more than $750 per!!
Oh well!
diane Forum SuperStar!
Joined: Jan 08, 2005
Posts: 2158
Location: travis a.f.b.
Birthday: Nov 23 Gallery Supporter Member
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 4:28 pm
wowo... you would think they would want you to do the cake...being a graduate of one of the top culinary schools in america. it's their loss.
btw...my son wants to go there. is it worth the money? how where the classes??
I am glad you decided to not do anything. Stop me if I am wrong but it seems to mee that that type of a person/family, who were the ones who decided to order from Walmart anyway, are probably just fine with Walmart cake and dont have the refined pallette (sp?) to even be able to enjoy the blood, sweat, tears and effort put into a homemade, custom cake. Honestly if they are that rude and you took a cake, they would take a bite out of your cake and say "its alright" and tick you off even more. Dont give them the benefit. Go, enjoy yourself as best as you can, have a piece of cake if you really want to (I dont turn my nose up at cake, someone spent their time making it, even if it was a walmart employee), brush yourself off and move on. You are the better person.
Texas_Rose Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 26, 2008
Posts: 892
Location: San Antonio, TX
I know how you feel. My sister decided at the last minute that she wanted a wedding cake from Walmart, instead of having me make it.
I got the last laugh when that sucker toppled over at the reception (sis had to assemble it herself, and the push through pillars and styrofoam plates just didn't do the job, and I wasn't touching it or offering advice). Not only that, but the parts that were salvageable were about 4" of solid cake with no filling...dry as can be. My mom had chunks of it in her freezer until my sister's first anniversary, and it wasn't because they were keeping it on purpose.
I've learned how to deal with rude inlaws...I just don't talk to them. I used to make the effort, but 3 years ago, after 8 years of stress and anxiety dealing with them, I made a clean break. (FIL told DH while I was in the hospital having our second daughter that he should divorce me and marry a woman who was healthy enough to have sons). It's nice not having to deal with my inlaws anymore.
Even my mom is rude about my cakes sometimes. I was helping her with her computer and she said I ought to take classes and get certified in computer repair because that was a lot more marketable than cakes. And I was showing her a picture of a cake in a Debbie Brown book that I'm planning to make for my daughter's birthday in August, and she said, "Wow, if you start now you might get done in time."
MORSELSBYMARK Junior Member
Joined: Feb 03, 2007
Posts: 89
Location: Montreal
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 5:15 pm
My inlaws aren't rude in that way - when we celebrate a bday with he extended family, I always make the cake and everyone ooh's and ahh's, but when the are doing a supper with immediate family, my MIL always buys a frozen cake. My wif has told her numerous times that I would comp the cake anyway. My family (except for an aunt - see below) on the other hand are soooo supportive - my kid sister who has started doing cakes just recently- tells everyone that she will never make my neices cakes no matter how good she gets at decorating- because she appreciates that I'm willing to take on the challenge. I also have an aunt who does cakes (not very well - very blah and ordinary) who always tries to find some flaw with my creations - to which I always answer with - as much as I love you, the Wilton method of covering cakes with bc rosettes is old and very one trick pony- my family all laugh bcs her cakes tend to be dry yet she continues to toot her own horn!
indydebi Forum SuperStar!
Joined: Jul 07, 2006
Posts: 14285
Location: Indianapolis IN
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 5:20 pm
MORSELSBYMARK wrote:
....the Wilton method of covering cakes with bc rosettes is old and very one trick pony!
Hey! I resemble that remark!!
MORSELSBYMARK Junior Member
Joined: Feb 03, 2007
Posts: 89
Location: Montreal
Posted:
Fri May 30, 2008 5:37 pm
Indydebi - I meant no offense. I have admired the work you do and by far, you do waaayyy more that covering an entire cake in rosettes!
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[/quote]
Of course the ones that I'm referring to are the ones that don't hesitate to buy from Sylvia Weinstock and pay over $1,000 and even buy bottles of wine costing more than $750 per!! 
you would think they would want you to do the cake...being a graduate of one of the top culinary schools in america. 
